Timing question when it comes to exclusivity?

ferociouslycurious · 2021-09-28T02:56:10+00:00

Wait. You’re at high risk of hyperfocusing on a relationship with him which can cause you to miss or excuse more subtle red flags. Keeping him at arm’s length while dating around is an old-fashioned technique that WORKED. Use it.

PollyAnnaSunshine · 2021-09-28T01:16:48+00:00

Keep in mind that your exclusivity is something that is of value. There is a reason that the man asks the woman for her hand in marriage- a woman's exclusivity is valuable and taking yourself off the market for the wrong pick can lead to opportunity cost. Continue to date others until he expresses an interest in being exclusive, and continue to vet and evaluate whether he is someone YOU want to be exclusive with, rather than trying to gauge whether he is interested in being exclusive with you. Women are the gatekeepers of both commitment and sex. Best wishes sis :)

Platipus6 · 2021-09-28T00:41:27+00:00

Keep going on dates with other men until he indicates he wants to be exclusive with you. While you vet him to be sure you want to be exclusive to him. And not just in comparison to how bad other dudes are. Does he meet all your standards regardless.

karaokekiller · 2021-09-28T03:30:24+00:00

Just because you've known him awhile doesn't mean he's the one. It's nice having common history sure, but that does not mean you're necessarily suited to each other.

poppinkitty · 2021-09-28T00:52:03+00:00

Say yes only after you are sure that this is the person you wanna be with. If he asks you can just say that you need more time. Two dates is too soon in my opinion.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-09-28T01:26:18+00:00

Three dates he's a stranger. He could still be lying to you about his name. If he asks you before the 2 month mark tell him you are still deciding. DO NOT RUSH IN BASED ON MEETING HIS REPRESENTATIVE!

Two dates is nothing. What? 4 hours?

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-09-28T01:50:47+00:00

How many dates do you think? How does that compare to the past, where you said yes, and the man’s behavior suddenly or slowly began to change? Men are on their best behavior in these early stages, and how he treats a potential partner can be vastly different from how he treats his friends and family in subtle but impactful ways.

Continue dating, take your time, don’t be in a rush to make anything exclusive and definitely don’t be the one to bring that conversation to the table. If he wants you, he will voice it. And yes, even if you are exclusive, you should be waiting a minimum of three months for sex. Longer, honestly.

Men will pretend to be whatever you want them to be for a crumb of pussy, and you being familiar with him makes next to no difference. In fact, it can put you even more at risk, because he knows more about you and can spin a story any way he wants should things suddenly fall apart. Most women are sexually assaulted by people they know. Be safe, be smart, and remember if he truly values you he will have no problem showing it and waiting for you to be ready for the next steps.

Throwaway__FDS · 2021-09-28T06:20:31+00:00

3 dates within 2 weeks isn’t much time at all for him to have a mask on if he’s love-bombing you. This is probably my main concern for you and is key to vetting that I feel often goes overlooked because the man seems HV.

Is the connection seemingly deep within a short period of knowing you? I’d actually say that if he asks you to be exclusive this early into the relationship, that’s a major red flag. I was exclusive with my narcissist ex within 3 weeks of knowing him, and that’s definitely not enough time.

Most importantly, take a step back and ask yourself if this whole thing might be too good to be true. I’m not saying this to discourage you or anything. Is he your perfect idea of a man? Or is he wearing a mask of your idea of a perfect man?

Now is the time you have to be hyper-vigilant for red flags, and DO NOT let them fly under the radar or you could potentially get into a relationship with a NVM.

Good luck girl!

sexualfoodpantry · 2021-09-28T05:23:37+00:00

You're 21, good looking, free and having the time of your life. Of course they want to lock you down.

Your question at all times to yourself should be, is what he's offering me better than my freedom and the enjoyment of my youth?

Relationships are not just cuddles and sunset walks with the dog.

Even when you don't move in together, life has a way of sneaking in wife work for you. That's still more commitment and trouble than anyone at 21 should be expected to have.

And there's nothing magical about a third date and 2 weeks is too early for exclusivity at any age.

pureFLsugar · 2021-09-28T14:47:27+00:00

So many great responses. Put a high price on your attention, your affection and your exclusivity. You are worth it.

xfelugirlx · 2021-09-28T04:22:51+00:00

Easy comes, easy goes. Doesn’t matter if you think you know him, nobody truly know someone. Keep vetting and meeting other guys until he shows you everything you want in a man

quasarbar · 2021-09-28T07:49:18+00:00

Is 2 weeks of dating too early to say yes to a relationship if he asks?

IMO, probably. It's hard to really know someone well after only two weeks. And you don't want to be too available to him too soon. He needs to earn your commitment, not just ask for it.

Obviously if it seems like a good prospect you don't want to lose it. If he does ask, you can maybe just tell him that you really like him and you want to see where the relationship goes, but you're not quite ready to be "serious" just yet.

And as I write this, I worry that he'll move on and then you'll regret it, but then I realize that if he'd leave you over that then he's not such a HVM after all. If he truly is a good guy he'll respect how much time you need.

FDSGYARU · 2021-09-28T14:07:47+00:00

If he is really into you then he will wait. If not then you will have just dodged a bullet. Either way you win.

Title	Timing question when it comes to exclusivity?
Author	scritchandsnaff
Upvotes	92
Comments	34
Date	September 28, 2021 12:34 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pwujth/timing_question_when_it_comes_to_exclusivity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/timing-question-when-it-comes-to-exclusivity.1073871 https://theredarchive.com/post/1073871

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