Trust your intuition

herbivorouscarnivore · 2022-01-11T18:02:30+00:00

My life became a lot simpler when I stopped thinking/asking “what does this mean” and acted on things at face value. Bonus points: people put themselves as LV when they try to strike back with, “But you should know that it really means…”

Nope. No sir! Your profile said you don’t like drama? Drama-free 101: don’t expect and act like people are mind readers!

Catz10000 · 2022-01-11T18:15:30+00:00

Love this! I also would like to add, "Is this behavior/relationship acceptable to YOU? Is this what you signed up for? Can you handle x more years of this?

Only you know the answer to that.

Buggy1218 · 2022-01-11T18:17:53+00:00

Yes. What also goes hand in hand with trusting your intuition, is to ask yourself “am I happy with him?”

If you’re dating with the intent of marriage, you’re potentially attaching yourself to him for the rest of your life. If that thought doesn’t fill you with joy, he’s not the man for you.

Even if he isn’t a narcissist or abusive, your closest relationship should be one that excites you- not one that makes you feel conflicted or the need to ask internet strangers about your issues.

BedazzledSwashbuckle · 2022-01-11T19:25:27+00:00

For women who aren't sure - just that sort of random, itchy feeling that something maybe is a little off (probably just you're more anxious, or you're not fully yourself, even though he seems fine) .... google "coercive control." It's so wildly common and you'll want to know the flags to look for.

Evan Stark's book is the foundational work, but it's a bit professorial and quite a long read (excellent work, though, if you are a bookworm like myself).

If you're deeply enmeshed (married, kids, shared social circles, shared bank accounts, declining health on your part) with someone who makes you feel "off," I recommend Don Hennessey's "How He Gets Into her head."

If you're just dating someone who feels a bit off, but no kids and no enmeshed social circles yet, "Invisible Chains" by Lisa Fontes is a quick, easy read that should help you identify whether this is his issue.

iheartnoodlez · 2022-01-11T18:47:59+00:00

I needed to hear this today! Had an amazing connection over the weekend, with the promise of dinner yesterday. Then he "had to work late" but didn't reschedule, and also had time to update his OLD profile during his grueling workday. My gut recognized f-boy behavior before my mind would accept it. I filtered through all the emotions: rationalizing, excusing, anger, sadness, grief, acceptance. Today I am still bummed, but I also feel grateful he gave me a reminder to trust my instinct. It's okay to have one nice date and never click with a person again. It's okay to name how a man feels about you after 48hrs of interaction: not serious!

I hope I never become a person who doesn't have all of these emotions, but they are not without cost. Going to keep putting myself out there and listening to my gut!

bioqueen53 · 2022-01-12T03:41:01+00:00

We talking to someone recently. He was kind, sweet, thoughtful. But the whole time, something felt off. I couldn't put my finger on it.

I finally ended things because my instinct told me something was off... And Mr. Hyde came out.

Always listen to your instincts.

Madholley · 2022-01-11T19:52:17+00:00

This is so true. But I do love that this is a safe space for women to ask these questions and get this answer from women who have been there- and not scrotes telling her to cOmMuNiCaTe so she settles.

ExpressionUnlikely23 · 2022-01-11T21:56:45+00:00

‘If you have to ask, that’s your answer’ applies to most situations with men

Every time I’ve had doubts about someone my intuition has been right..have really learned to trust it over the years

cryptohobo · 2022-01-12T02:25:10+00:00

Hey if other ladies can’t trust their intuition then I have no problem sharing mine. I often find that I can sort out everybody else’s issues other than my own, so I’m happy to help lol.

SupremeDearLeader · 2022-01-11T22:46:17+00:00

I love my FDS !!!🥰🥰🥰

My body felt the " ick" towards men waaay before my young naive trying to be nice brain did. I stayed 5 years too long in a DB because my brain kept making excuses.. Now if I feel the ick I distance myself within minutes ,not years.

Ember11111111 · 2022-01-11T22:29:07+00:00

He's 30 years older... just ew.

zorua · 2022-01-11T22:59:06+00:00

It feels like if you're at the point where you need to go somewhere and ask for guidance, shits already hit the fan and red flags have been ignored along the way.

BelleCervelle · 2022-01-19T11:54:11+00:00

OP,

I want to thank you for this gem of wisdom as you put it in your title “Trust Your Intuition”

I’m shaking my head at myself, those questions you listed:

“ "Why does my new bf do this?"

"I know he loves me, but something feels off. Do any of you know—"

"Any tips about this situation? He's 30 years older and—" “

I think back to questions I myself have posted on old forgotten accounts on the Internet. My own post history shows a particular question I had after a horrific discovery.

How ironic and interesting that we, the FDS ladies, and many women around the world, are united by the common cause of asking questions in the hopes of finding answers that will put our hearts, minds, and more at ease.

Yet, there can be no inner peace when something is amiss. Especially in a relationship with someone who is hiding something, lying about something, or something else.

When word fail, actions speak, and even louder than both of those, is intuition.

“ It's 2022 and many of us are primed to seek answers from the internet for anything and everything. But you have to understand that none of us here at FDS know your man better than you do, and if you feel compelled to seek quantifiable advice or validation from strangers for his new bait-and-switch behaviors, or that surprise female "best friend" he's telling you not to worry about, or his petty radio silence after you turned him down for anal, just admit that his mask slipped, acknowledge you made a mistake by trusting he was who he claimed to be, and skip straight to the REAL question: "How do I get rid of him safely and effectively?" “

This is what I wish I had been taught more than a decade ago. It would have saved me so much unnecessary pain, trauma, and suffering.

“ I'm not saying this to judge anyone. I've trotted up in here with QuEsTiOnS about my shit exes-to-be many a time because I was afraid to face the truth, too.”

This makes me think back to all the times I messaged my friends with questions about myself ex’s. It was such a waste of time.

They were all abusive in different ways. They were all controlling in different ways. I was never taught how to recognize such covert control and manipulation.

Some of them were exceptionally skilled st what they were doing, until finally the pain was so unbearable I chose to break my own heart after they had already broken it multiple times just to end the psychological torture.

Wow this next part of your post unlocked some deeply buried forgotten memories.

“ Once your start calling the bullshit as you see it instead of giving them the benefit of the doubt, you'll be able to move on a lot quicker without dragging it out asking for help, comparing notes, or otherwise decoding trash behavior from trash bargain-bin pseudo-men who probably don't remember their own mama's birthdays, let alone yours.”

I remembered just now, asking various ex’s of mine when their mother’s birthdays were, and what they were planning to do for them. It what they’re ere planning to do for Mother’s Day.

I remembered encouraging one in particular to give a handwritten card to his mother. Why?

Because he had never done that, and I personally loved handwritten cards.

I should have known that was a red flag from the START (except the is happened several months after I had already gotten romantically involved with him).

What clown I was. Educating grown ass men on how to properly treat their OWN MOTHERS WHO GAVE BIRTH TO THEM.

Looking back on it, I see what they had in common. Self absorbed in their addictions.

Whether it was porn, video games, dopamine seeking on the Internet, or some other nonsense.

It’s truly remarkable, how little effort to no effort they put into showing love to their own biologically mothers.

Now it’s so obvious to me, the way they treated their mothers, those behaviors bled into how they treated me, of course.

“ Treat yourself with the respect you deserve; don't sit around questioning. Keep your personal space clear for people you love, who will love you back in a way you actually enjoy. ❤️”

Thank you for the beautifully written reminder and the ending.

Your post has given me so much to think about.

Title	Trust your intuition
Author	shockingupdate
Upvotes	628
Comments	25
Date	January 11, 2022 5:47 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/s1itcj/trust_your_intuition/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/trust-your-intuition.1095824 https://theredarchive.com/post/1095824

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