Vacation expenses

fancypantsdance92 · 2020-12-22T01:46:37+00:00

I'd be apprehensive about what else he wants to go dutch on e.g. food, entertainment etc. If you can afford it then that's fine but if he is expecting you to split things exactly in half if you're currently earning less than him then this will be a problem. I agree that as you're still students this sounds reasonable.

_RustInPiece_ · 2020-12-22T02:41:39+00:00

OP, do you look forward to this vacation with his approach? Like, does it make you smile when you think about it? Do you get a giddy feeling? Do ideas of what both of you could do there together start popping into your mind? Do you feel valued?

It is absolutly nessesary that you do. Pleaae be honest with yourself. If you secretly wish that he pays for vacation you shouldn't accept his approach. Tbh it doesn't sound like a vacation, more like a work abroad kind of thing. Do you really want this? Because I sure wouldn't. If you want your bf to pay 100% on a vacation it doesn't matter if he is still a student. I know, this may sound mean in his financial situation but you shouldn't settle for less than you wish for. Think of yourself first.

Vmwvi · 2020-12-22T03:10:42+00:00

Don't. You pay less because of your scholarship for housing right now, and it is more convenient for you (presumably because you like where you live enough to stay there, whereas he could choose any low quality place and keep your spare change). If you stop living there and there is even a sliver of a chance that you will be unable to resume living there at the same rate, don't leave. You're saving yourself large amounts of money.

Furthermore, if he's looking for cheaper places, who's keeping the spare money? If he's calculating based on your combined rent, then you will most likely be expected to pay for the vacation HE wants to go on. 1-3 months is a long time to spend with any man, and is the type of thing couples might do for their honeymoon, or sometime after marriage. You're giving him constant access to you for 1-3 months, isolating yourself from your friends and family and signing up for a risky agreement in the case he decides to turn abusive.

Unwanted gifts are often used to guilt trip later in the relationship (But I bought you so-and-so and you wont put up with my abuse?). Not to mention that you still aren't out of school, meaning you should focus on your studies (if you're a scholarship student you need to score high enough to keep your position), and it is a huge waste of money (plane tickets will probably be more expensive and you have to rent a hotel room for 2 weeks).

Platipus6 · 2020-12-22T03:48:13+00:00

Would you have had this idea on your own?

Will you be better or worse off after this endeavor?

Why does he want to get away so badly? Is he restless, is this a poor coping mechanism? Is this a band-aid? Or a true gift and reward for something you've both earned and deserve.

Is he planning how it will be fun for both of you, or is he taking a vacation from life and expect you to do all the cooking and cleaning while he's the only one who gets to relax?

staywiththecrown · 2020-12-22T02:00:35+00:00

How long have you been together? Is he someone you can trust in the event of an emergency or even to pull his weight? When you travel, you'll be isolated and will be relying on him a lot, even more so if you don't speak the country's language.

My scrote ex and I travelled separately a few hours away one weekend (in his native country), and he arrived before I did because I went straight after work. What did he do knowing I was on my way? He locked me out of the place (that I paid for) all night while he went drinking with his friends (yes, we broke up over this). I had to frantically find another place at 10 pm and in tears since he didn't answer his phone until early the next morning.

When you get a place, is he going to expect you to do the cooking and cleaning, or will you be eating out? Eating out for two will cost a lot. What will happen if you run out of money?

There are a lot of "what ifs" here, so I worry about you having to do wifey shit for 1-3 months while being vulnerable in another country. Could you modify the plan for a few weeks instead?

level_up_always · 2020-12-22T03:55:58+00:00

if i'm living with a man i'm not paying period but i know not everyone is that extreme. make sure you benefit because he sure as fuck benefits from living with you and if you split bills you're basically subsidizing him and it's just not something i can get behind.

honeybeeroll · 2020-12-22T07:43:41+00:00

I saw in a comment you said you've only been dating 4 months. He's asking to go on a trip that is 25% to nearly 100% as long as your relationship is. I suggest you do not go away for that long with someone you've only known 4 months. Planning this far in advance, for when the pandemic is under control (idk where you live but globally that's not going to be anytime soon) also requires deposits and well , frankly, I don't think it's a good idea to put any money down for a future trip w/ someone you've only known a few months.

I think if he wants to plan a week long trip, and then taking care of all the bookings, etc, clos to when things are back to normal, would be appropriate.

curlygirl507 · 2020-12-22T05:55:36+00:00

If I could go back to my school days, I would focus 100% on myself and not even talk to boys outside of a school/community setting. Epic waste of time and energy. Do your own thing.

cryptohobo · 2020-12-22T04:16:24+00:00

If he’s the one proposing a vacation then he should be the one paying for it. When I was in my 20s I was squirrelling away all my earnings into investments while my peers boasted about their all-inclusive trips. Maybe they will be able to retire like me by 40 and go on amazing trips too, I don’t know, but what I do know is that none of that would have been possible if I wasted my money on unnecessary expenses.

KittenyCat5 · 2020-12-22T22:10:36+00:00

I say it's a NO, you have only known this person for 4 months, and with Coronavirus as well as new strains/new restrictions your set travel plans may be unexpectedly compromised.

Title	Vacation expenses
Author	ciellavi
Upvotes	37
Comments	37
Date	December 22, 2020 1:41 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/khvayd/vacation_expenses/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/vacation-expenses.339302 https://theredarchive.com/post/339302

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