*This post isn't particularly directed to abusive situations, but more of just realizing the man is Lvm /man child and you want to leave, but its not always that easy. **

FDS should be having more discussions and strategies to guide women on how to get out of these stickier situations. I can only speak of what I know for the US, but let's start a discussion sharing the resources and tips we know for other readers.

The first step is accepting and understanding the nature of your situation with the LVM. Prepare yourself to move out. This means getting an understanding of the lease you're in, or getting a better understanding for how selling the house you both own would work. For leases, you would have to read through the agreement and see what the terms are. When does the lease end? What are the terms for moving out early? How soon ahead do you need to notify the landlord? These are all things to find out, and you ask your landlord questions. Do you have bills on your name there for utilities?

If you're young, maybe you moved in with a guy but he never put you on the lease. Or you're living in his house, but there's no lease or anything. In that case you'd be free to go whenever pretty much. But in many states he would also be able to kick you out any time.

For marriages I don't even know how that works but I would advise getting a divorce lawyer. What are your shared assets? Cars, property, joint accounts, etc. Prenups? Pets?

In any of these situations though I would start by getting information and keeping these things to yourself. You need to look at yourself financially - start setting aside money and save it up to prepare yourself for moving out, the financial costs of a divorce, etc. You need to have your own bank account that he does not have access too. Do not use joint accounts. Don't give him money. You can protect yourself further by monitoring your credit cards (many have an option to give you a notificayion to approve or decline each transaction) and changing the pin on your debit cards.

You will also need to look at your housing options. Do you have a family member or friend that is willing to let you live with them? What apartments are available that you would be willing to move into, what are the prices and requirements? You can also look into women's shelters and reach out to community agencies to see what resources they have and if you qualify. There's also extended stay hotels with small kitchenettes and laundry as another option- I stayed in one for 2 weeks as I was moving into my house- they didn't check my credit or employment - if you can pay and a rooms available you're in. If you book online for a week or month at a time the price is cheaper. The extended stay is pricey for the rate it costs there to stay for the month is the rate it costs me to rent a 2 bedroom apartment plus the utilities.

Where are you working? Generally speaking it's easier to get an apartment when you have 3 months of work history, usually shown via paystubbs. Maybe he's really controlling and "doesn't let you work" or drive, look into getting a work from home job like customer service calls as an option to bank up some money and give yourself employment history on paper.

During the process of planning your exit detach from him gradually. To make this easier, have a people that can support you. Have that friend you can call or a family member. Look into a support group or therapist. You need to talk less to the lvm, and stop telling them the details of your life, your worries, etc. When he does make conversation dont provoke him- generally speaking treat him more like a work colleague- keep it lighter, more casual, not specific. Stick to small stalk or just keeping it business. You don't need to tell him tne funny thing that just happened at the grocery store - keep professional and just ask him where he put the trash bags. If possible spend more time in a separate room than him - if he's gaming in the living room, take your laptop to another room and work there. If he questions you or whines just say it's work related and you just need to focus. Try not to be snippy, just try to play it cool. Another thing is to start spending more time outside of the house when he is home - start finding more outside hobbies. Consider taking your work to the library or cafe, joining a gym, a class, etc. Cut back any codependency you have. Don't cook for him. Don't cleanup for him. Stop doing him favors. Don't full stop all at once just gradually pull back.

Secure your phone and laptops and whatever else you have in the house that he may try to peep through. When you start moving out, start by taking your valuables out and placing them in a secure location. I would do this when he was working and I knew he wasn't home. After the valuables start moving out your smaller items, things he wont notice. Storage units. Forward your mail to a secure address asap, you can rent a po box. If he has anything of yours like the spare key to your car take it back. If you know where he keeps it take it when he's asleep. Then get it to a secure location. When he notices play dumb and say you haven't seen it, he must have fallen off ir he must have misplaced it. (Yeah you're gaslighting him. This is for your own good though. He's gaslit you a million times anyways)

Depending on the situation ask yourself can you move everything thats yours out quickly? Or will you have to do it a little at a time (you have a small car, are moving by yourself, and he's petty and psycho)? If you have to do it slowly then take a little at a time when he's not home. Get the smaller items out, pack up tye clothes you don't wear, pack up your extra shampoos, and things he doesn't see like stuff you keep in boxes or drawers. With the smaller items already out see if hes gonna work a long shift or maybe will be out of town soon - great opportunity to finish moving your bigger items out. Leave your key. Make sure the landlord was aware and you're off the hook.

If you do have some help or you can get everything moved out quickly then again I'd recommend doing it when he's not home.

You need to just cut your losses, don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy. Don't steal or wreck his stuff. Let's say you both contributed to buying the bed and the throw rug - do you reallllyyy want it anyways? I wouldn't. Is it worth the headache of him coming after you for? For divorces you'd have to talk to the lawyer about splitting things up.

If you're on a lease and it's coming to end and you're both in agreement you want to break up you still have to be careful and get your valuables out. You can try asking him about furniture you both contributed to financially, but I wouldn't make too big of a stink. If you have to, just cut your loss. I would still recommend moving things out that are yours when he's not home. Even lvm that act civil tend to get petty when they know you're moving out - stealing things, hiding your stuff, damaging things, making a fuss over who gets the $5 soap dispenser...

Make sure you don't have any other loose ends. Don't be petty. Don't leave a nasty immature note saying "I hope she cheats on you like you did to me" or whatever. Do NOT PROVOKE him, lvm will already be mentally snapping even if they knew and played cool you were leaving. You do not want to pour salt on a wound you dont know if he will have a rage fit, seek revenge, or stalk you. Be mature. Slip the key under the door. Don't mess with his stuff. Talk to your therapists about how much you wanted to bash that stupid picture he has up, tell your therapist what you wished you could have left him on a note.

Double check his place before going.

When you leave, celebrate yourself for leaving. You're free. Be on the alert that he does try to find you and make contact. Block him when you completely leave. Be careful if he shows up to your job. Be careful it he follows you. Keep your friends and family in the loop.

EDIT document everything that you can and keep those records in a secure location! Take photos. Get pics of the house before you leave. Save texts or anything that you're unsure of as evidence.