What is so hard about respecting people’s time?

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-10-02T16:45:00+00:00

I don’t have any advice but flakes are the absolute WORST. I have no patience for them. I get being a little flexible on time but come on, 50+ minutes late is egregious. And your friend making you wait over an hour? Disrespectful. You were right to leave when you did and they SUCK.

teaandcoffee717 · 2021-10-02T20:50:00+00:00

My ex pickmeisha best friend would come 2 hours late everytime we were supposed to hang out. I would be at the location at the correct time and she would either be asleep or just starting to do her makeup and would take two hours to get ready. 20 missed calls she would finally pick up and tell me she's coming in 10 minutes, then 20 minutes pass and she would tell me another 10 minutes. There were even times where I would give her the wrong time (earlier time) and I would arrive later so we would meet up at the same time and she was STILL late. When she would finally arrive she would smile and pretend nothing ever happened.

It's infuriating, insulting and such a waste. By the time they arrive, you are hungry, tired and drained. At the end of the day it narrows down to respect and power. Some people arrive late because it gives them satisfaction knowing someone is waiting for them. Next time this happens — I would text the group or individual that they are late and you are leaving and then never make plans with them again. Accidents and delays can happen but it doesn't seem like this is the case. Most people who are sorry for tardiness atleast communicate with you.

AdmiralRando · 2021-10-02T17:15:35+00:00

Yeah, this feels kinda “normal” now. It’s awful. Since everyone is “connected” at all times, they feel that they can cancel at a moment’s notice.

As a 90’s chick, I have adopted a new way of making group plans. I will make one iron-clad plan with a woman who is capable of keeping to a schedule, then invite others along as well. That way, even if these flaky people bail, we will still have an amazing time.

I don’t do sports though…it seems like getting 12 people to show up to an event would be a lot like herding cats.

throwaway-fds · 2021-10-02T16:59:20+00:00

"I was raised on the premise that if you're on time, you're late" girl SAME!!! THIS MAKES ME SO MAD TOO!!!

I like to show up 10-20 minutes early, and I don't expect the other person to get there that early. I just like to. But I do expect you to get there either on time or a few minutes after (I understand things come up, just PLEASE communicate).

I asked mutual friends of my boyfriend and I if they felt like swinging by to grab some dessert I made. She said absolutely, she'll be there by 3. Sounds good, we're waiting. Suddenly she wants to bring another mutual friend. We are fine with this since it's my bfs best friend. More excuses, more waiting. They don't get here until FUCKING 8PM. WE HAD WORK IN THE MORNING. Now I know my boundaries and to say "don't bother showing up", but back then I didn't. They ate and left and we dragged our tired asses to bed. I cut them both off afterwards. Like, go fuck yourself. Have some respect for other people.

catenabler · 2021-10-02T19:24:32+00:00

Now I will admit, I am not always the best at time management. However, I will always text "hey sorry I'm going to be 2 minutes late." I keep people updated on my status, even when it's 1 minute late or 10 minutes late. Anything more than 10 minutes late is unacceptable.

But, I've had people texting me right up until the time we were meant to meet, then radio silence, with no mention of being late. This pickme ex-friend did this to me recently. I had no clue how late she intended to be, so I didn't know if I should just leave or not. It was so rude. And, obviously, it was the last straw for that friendship.

mashibeans · 2021-10-02T20:38:35+00:00

Not having a social life after you impose your boundaries and start seeing things through the FDS lense, is expected, and you should accept that yeah, you'll lack a bit of social life for a while.

A few months back I had someone I was meeting for lunch who wasn't answering, 30+mins later then came. I deliberately waited just to tell them it was highly disrespectful of my time, and I was gonna go now. She said something about needing to help her mom with paperwork because they were low income so had special housing, yada yada (note how she specifically mentioned all things to make me feel guilty), I told her that she didn't owe me any private details, but she DID owe me to text me to say she couldn't make it on time, even five minutes before the meeting time. She apologized and I said it was fine, but I was still gonna go, because my time was important.

Luckily I moved to another city, so meeting is impossible now, and we just keep rarely on touch with texts. While I'm overall friendly, I still won't allow myself to meet with her again in the future, because usually people get "revenge" over this kind of things.

I have an insanely small social circle, but to be honest? Even pre-FDS I upheld to some boundaries and I have yet to regret them. I know it's hard, especially if you're an extrovert, but it's important to uphold your boundaries.

Edit: words

2021-10-02T17:41:47+00:00

Ugh I feel you completely. I know when you're new in town you don't want to jump into conflicts but being that late/ flaky to me is disrespectful. What I will say I noticed when there is a large group of us meeting people are more inclined to bail out last minute or be very late, maybe thinking the other people won't. When it's one on one meeting if someone is consistently very late I'd honestly burn that bridge and let it light my way.

PenneyPence · 2021-10-02T21:59:16+00:00

When I moved to a new City, I joined a bunch of a meetup groups and quit the ones that didn’t start on time. No drama, no anger, just search until you find the groups that respect your time. This applies to friends and dates. I now only attend group events that start on time and only spend time with friends who arrive on time.

Constant-Wanderer · 2021-10-02T19:44:06+00:00

I try to remove any variables, which is obviously harder if you don’t know the people you’re making plans with. You don’t know who’s going to be on time, or in this case, if ANYONE will be.

So while I can’t say that I would’ve known to do this for a first time I join an already established group, I try to meet larger groups in places where I can sit and enjoy myself whether they’re there or not.

For me, that means food or a cafe, even if it’s just a few doors down. I’m gonna sit and work or SM surf while I wait, snacks or no, but if they don’t show up, then at least I wasn’t sitting in a parking lot.

RecentSprinkles5997 · 2021-10-02T23:43:32+00:00

Yeah flakiness does seem normal to a lot of ppl but you don’t have to deal with those ppl . phased out multiple friends for excessive flakiness and I have no regrets at all

xpressurself111 · 2021-10-03T02:24:40+00:00

I recently began calling people out in my life for this, they say, “Sorry, I meant to, I just didn’t have time for ____(insert basic shit here.” I say, “No you had time, you just didn’t value our agreement/my time/keep your word.” Say it like it is. If you don’t like their response, drop them. Protect your peace. But anyway. OP-I would have left, too, and I am sorry you put yourself out there and then they wasted your time.

lilac-hiraeth · 2021-10-02T17:46:41+00:00

If you don’t tolerate it you’ll have time to actually find a reliable social life.

2021-10-02T20:09:33+00:00

I'm sorry that happened to you. You are right, people should arrive on time. Consider in the future double stacking time slots, so if no one shows up at 11:15, you can go to the library, or get coffee or whatever and no one can blame you because they're the ones who were late, and you won't be put out in a miserable spot because you have back up plans. Men do this all the time in a worse way, by double stacking dates because women would flake.

Title	What is so hard about respecting people’s time?
Author	e5pe0n
Upvotes	326
Comments	16
Date	October 2, 2021 4:17 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pzy7bp/what_is_so_hard_about_respecting_peoples_time/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-is-so-hard-about-respecting-peoples-time.1078359 https://theredarchive.com/post/1078359

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