When You Ask Men What They’re Looking For

Carneliancat · 2022-02-24T16:24:45+00:00

"What are you looking for in a partner?"

"Character and integrity".

Two things that cannot be faked for long, and they know it. If he presses, then he gets "I'll know it when I see it."

aquietsword · 2022-02-24T03:27:17+00:00

I'd answer honestly. I'd give a vague answer if I was giving my answer first so the guy doesn't just mirror me, but he's already told you. He could still be lying, of course, but that's what vetting is for.

darkenchantress44 · 2022-02-24T03:01:27+00:00

I personally think unless this man is truly good hearted AND he feels you might be the one ( since they supposed “know” within -24 seconds of meeting you, based upon arbitrary whateverness inside his head), this question is a dead fucking end.

Dead fucking end.

They just want the roadmap to get in between them legs. If you say you are looking for a man that likes to dress up like unicorns, the next time you see him he will have one of those unicorn headbands from Limited Too, or Claire’s or something on his head.

This question is to study you, size you up, see where your headspace is, and is a lead in to egg you on to talk about your ex. He wants to know what the ex did wrong so he can do it 2x wronger. He wants to know just how bad he can do it and get away with it

Answer with :” I’m looking to live the dream with the best man out there”.

That basically means my expectations are high, I’m not here for games, and I really need you to be your best…whatever that means. But it’s not something specific that he can do or become so he can trick you into dropping those panties.

I used to be honest and got played every single time. Lie lie lie.

And if he asks about your ex, I don’t care if your ex was a raging lunatic, say he was a good person and that nasa sent him to outer space and he got lost forever.

cryptohobo · 2022-02-24T05:19:46+00:00

Personally I would still go with “I’ll know when I find it” because for all you know he could just be saying he wants a girlfriend/marriage first because he thinks that’s what you’d like to hear. But as dumb as most of them are, they’ll never be stupid enough to admit “I want to fuck and chuck”.

I’ve read this multiple times around here: no man is nicer to you than a man who wants to get in your pants. So for that reason never take what they say at face value. It doesn’t matter what they say anyway because we judge their actions not words. Their true behaviour always comes out and never lies. This is why personally I decided to not even bother asking them this question. Like you I was also recently wondering how to navigate this until I realized their words mean jack shit so why bother asking. I also feel like I am protecting myself by not asking them this question because it prevents the ghost of my pickme past from resurfacing, she has a bad habit of romanticizing anything she hears. I gotta keep her in check so I forbid myself from asking in the first place to keep my head grounded in reality. No more wasting time or energy playing the “aww, maybe he’s different!” game.

And if they ask for clarification, that’s the part you start matching and mirroring back lol. Ask them what part needs clarification, be the dumb fox and act confused, you could even throw in a hint of feeling offended because you feel like you gave a genuine answer. Keep eye contact and go on some dumb meaningless diatribe (but sound passionate), “I just feel like it would be unfair to clarify it more than that, who am I to limit what the universe is manifesting for me? I just leave things to fate and trust the process, you know?” lol. Turn it into a joke that you can deflect back onto him, “are you looking to get married next month or something? What’s the rush? Haha, I think you forgot the part where you take me out on a date/dinner first!”. Deflect, derail, gaslight, tease, move it to another topic like asking about how his parents started dating (finally getting into the good stuff!).

I too would get flustered until I realized we don’t go in the hot seat for no man. We don’t have to give them anything more than what we want. If a guy has a tendency to want more clarification that could also be a red flag so keep an eye on that if you start to feel annoyed by it (could be one of these devil’s advocate pseudo-intellectual losers). If you clarify one too many answers/times for him just because he asked then you’re signalling to him that you have poor boundaries. Show some resistance, make him work for clarification if he really wants to know. Never forget you can also just refuse clarifying further. They really do respect us more when we’re difficult. 🥱

mashibeans · 2022-02-24T06:31:41+00:00

Yeap, because they could still be lying from the get go to get into your pants/whatever they want from you.

You can answer back with whatever, but overall just this one exchange in this small context doesn't mean anything. Regardless of what his or your answer is, you should be vetting him in other, many ways.

levelitradically · 2022-02-24T05:53:42+00:00

I agree with what many others are saying– reveal you want something serious, and it gives them a lot of leverage in terms of love-bombing and false promises. Too dangerous, imo.

fireforestfairy · 2022-02-25T11:33:46+00:00

I would answer truthfully. Be careful of men who lie though. Plenty of fuckboys know women are generally less interested sex than men so they will lie about wanting something serious when they don't.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2022-02-24T06:14:22+00:00

What a tepid response. I hit him with everything I’ve got: the specifics of what I’m looking for, with all the energy of someone who knows she’s going to find exactly that.

But not with him. Because he doesn’t know what he wants UnTiL hE FiNdS iT.

Title	When You Ask Men What They’re Looking For
Author	Vervibes
Upvotes	187
Comments	29
Date	February 24, 2022 2:54 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/szztoi/when_you_ask_men_what_theyre_looking_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/when-you-ask-men-what-theyre-looking-for.1103214 https://theredarchive.com/post/1103214

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