Where's the lie?

gutsandgorey · 2020-11-04T13:48:14+00:00

Yup. Still trying to deprogram myself from thinking if I get stronger physically, financially, and mentally then I'll be too much for a man. Fuck weak men.

gothicctemptress · 2020-11-04T13:56:33+00:00

They seek out these women because breaking her down is some kind of fetish to them.

Cabanna · 2020-11-04T14:30:16+00:00

[deleted]

engg_girl · 2020-11-04T14:47:55+00:00

Seek out other bad ass women. Cut those friends, male and female, who aren't comfortable around you being successful.

A very successful woman once told me it gets lonely as the only woman in the room after a while. She then mentored me until she retired.

These strong women who came before us want to help, I want to help. Help all ambitious women and create a network. We can make it a little less scary and lonely to be on top.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-11-04T14:42:31+00:00

It's all hot and sexy...until you say no to him.

harrohamtaro · 2020-11-04T17:45:48+00:00

I have always been told I was too aggressive. Whether be it calling someone out for their bullshit, insisting (but not demanding) on doing something my way because I believe it’s the best way, and not suffering any fools.

If I made a mistake in judgment I do not hesitate to apologise and accept another point of view, but people always remember sHe wAnTed hEr wAy sO agGresSiVe.

The older I get the more I start to feel comfortable about asserting myself, even if people in my culture think I shouldn’t, because I’m female.

Cabanna · 2020-11-04T15:06:15+00:00

"F**kology"?

ceramicunicorn · 2020-11-04T16:01:05+00:00

I know this is directed towards men, but for what it’s worth, I’d be lying if I said there are not women out there who also adopted a “shut up, know your place and get in line” attitude towards me, particularly lately, given the time of year. Aside from truly immoral and egregious behavior/human rights abuses I observe in others, I try to be better and watch myself on that. Catching myself in an approach (that I hate being used on myself) that attempts to dictate the actions and words of others feels gross. Authoritarianism is the part I hate about patriarchy the most. I suppose it’s easy to slip into patriarchal norms, when it’s been done to us our whole lives, but here’s hoping we strive to be better than what we were raised up in.

Pudding5050 · 2020-11-04T18:26:35+00:00

Men like women as long as those women don't outshine them. Men assume women are inferior.

Party-Promise-8840 · 2020-11-04T21:02:53+00:00

So true.

But.. Removing toxic people from your life and surrounding yourselves with people who want to see you successful is life-changing.

I have removed a lot of people from my life who seemed to enjoy my suffering. They would give unsolicited “advice”, insult me or my choices subtlety or outright, talk to me as if I’m beneath them and they knew more than me, treat me as if I’m overreacting when I call them out for being rude. They would ALWAYS show up when things were bad in my life to say condescending things, then conveniently disappear once things started taking a turn for the better.

Bye! I don’t have time for that anymore!

I talk to considerably less people but I am much happier. The people in my life are encouraging, honest, respectful, loving, and we support each others goals, they’ll be a shoulder to cry on if needed and I’m one for them as well, I can trust them to tell me the truth when other people won’t, I know they have my back. They encourage and support my artistic endeavours and I encourage and support theirs. What we bring to each other’s lives is positive and we love to see each other thrive.

One friend has made a huge impact on my life and I will never forget one conversation we had when we went out for dinner recently. They asked me, what is important to you? What do you want? I cried because I haven’t truly been asked that before. They said it’s okay, I’m here for you. It’s okay to cry but you know it’s just me and I’m not judging you. This isn’t about giving the right answer, the right answer is whatever you want it to be. What would make you happy? What makes you happy? Don’t think about what makes me happy or what I want, or what anyone else wants, don’t give a fuck about any of that, that’s not what matters. Think about YOU. You’re important. What anybody else wants you to do doesn’t matter, what matters is what YOU want. Do you want to be a nurse, work at a doggie-daycare, so on? They were listing off things I’ve previously talked to them about that I was interested in pursuing. After I gave them an answer we discussed what steps I needed to take to make that happen, and they kept reminding me that they can’t do anything for me, it’s all on me, but they know I can do it, they believe in me, I just have to believe in myself and do it. The conversation is condensed (we talked for hours) but the sentiment is the same, and I feel blessed I’ve had them in my life for a while now. They’ve helped me through a lot of rough situations over the last few months and shown nothing but support and compassion.

That conversation will always mean a lot to me.

This last year has been full of people cutting me down and being demeaning, it has taken so long to finally cut myself off from those people.. At first I was afraid but now, I’m only surrounded by the people who have consistently been kind, and genuinely want the best for me.

We deserve to be surrounded by people who are excited to see us succeed and encouraging of us working being our best selves and levelling up, people who will celebrate us.

Life is way too short to give our time to people who don’t appreciate how truly amazing we are. We don’t need to dull ourselves down for people because we shine too bright.

StarlikeRumor · 2020-11-04T20:43:59+00:00

Men who are described as aggressive (in a negative context) are being rude, over the top, jack asses.

Women who are described as aggressive are just acting how men normally act, without issue.

RavenWudgieRose · 2020-11-05T10:27:13+00:00

I remember a Gone Girl quote where Amy said "I like strong women is just a code word for 'I hate strong women"

Title	Where's the lie?
Author	azureangel35
Upvotes	797
Comments	25
Date	November 4, 2020 12:58 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jnw8d3/wheres_the_lie/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wheres-the-lie.733908 https://theredarchive.com/post/733908

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