Why is it wrong to date older men?

mshourglasss · 2020-02-28T21:39:59+00:00

It’s the toxic power dynamics that large age gaps breed. They are very implicit and you may feel good with them at first but most men that only date young, precocious college students are only with them to gain leverage by exploiting their naivety

Yeah, it’s nice to be taken out on a nice date, but also make sure they aren’t manipulating you.

babyaf · 2020-02-28T21:42:36+00:00

Men in their 30s+ choose women in their young 20s for a number of reasons, most of which boil down to some combination of:

They aren't interested in women their age because they can't handle the idea of a relationship between equals ‎
Women their age don't find them attractive because the men never emotionally matured past their teens ‎
Younger women are less likely to be wise to the games men play and can thus be deceived with less effort
Younger women are less likely to have experience enforcing boundaries and can be pushed into doing things they don't know how to say no to
Younger women are easier to impress with material resources, while older women are more likely to have enough of their own resources and require more effort

The men your age are less likely to meet your standards, but nobody says you have to be dating at all. That said, as long as you are aware of the above red flags and still want to have a good time, go ahead and get some experience dating -- just don't let them have it easy from you just because they have money.

dalia-chan · 2020-02-28T21:47:19+00:00

I’m 20 but I refuse to date a guy who’s in his 30’s. If a man is attracted to me because I’m younger then who says I won’t be replaced by a new 20 years old when I will be 30??

Not to mention that if he’s in his mid thirties it would mean that his sperm is already low quality compared to someone my age, he will go bald sooner, and be less attractive than a man in his mid-twenties!

I prefer to date who’s 2-3 years younger than me ( that’s my limit with younger man) over a guy who’s a decade older

jalapenopancakes · 2020-02-28T22:12:31+00:00

Refuse to fuck them without commitment and see what they do. I’d do even longer than a 3 month with these guys.

This will probably be your biggest weapon against older men. If he’s HVM he won’t be phased, if he’s LVM he’s going to freak the fuck out - getting and manipulating young girls feeds their ego.

VikingPug · 2020-02-28T22:01:37+00:00

Just don’t have sex with them, marry them or take them seriously. You don’t realize how young and ripe you are to be taken advantage of. I was 23 when I married my 31 year old husband. He had looks, money and was extremely charming. After marriage he tried to get me pregnant right away. Then he stopped sleeping with me and cheated on me on a business trip...3 months in! Really messed up my life for a long time.

Proceed with extreme caution!!

gigi_chi · 2020-02-28T21:53:22+00:00

College men aren’t that broke. When I was in college I had no trouble dating men who courted me because that was a standard I set. Dating old men is such a bad idea they are using you and you two have nothing in common.

glazedhamster · 2020-02-28T22:22:03+00:00

The issue is that these men should be dating women their age. So why are they going after college students? A) because you're willing and B) because they know they can "impress" younger women in ways their age-appropriate female peers wouldn't give a crap about. Us older women are used to a certain standard that takes effort, it's a lot easier for these guys to impress women your age because you're used to the broke guys your own age being unable to provide the minimum like a nice night out.

Everyone remembers the creepy 21-year-old from high school who hung around. And he was cool because he bought booze and had his own apartment where he'd let 15 year olds hang out. This guy had it all... at the time. In hindsight you realize that he was a creepy loser who had to resort to giving alcohol to minors just to have friends because his peers his age were off doing real stuff like college and working toward their careers. Ask yourself why these guys aren't dating women in their age group (spoiler: because we don't want them).

Personally I have always preferred older men so I'm not judging but I realize why the handbook advises against these relationships and how imbalanced power dynamics are very much not keeping with FDS principles. You do you but don't delude yourself into thinking these men are good for anything but a fun time.

A hard-working, motivated guy your age absolutely has high value potential, far more than some 35 year old who is combing campus for a date.

shellshocked8 · 2020-02-28T22:33:36+00:00

HVM want women that a that they can relate to on all levels...not just physical. Don't get excited or flattered when an older man pays attention to you and treats you great, this is only for a season. Older men who seek younger women will almost always keep seeking younger women...which means he will bore of you rather quickly. These men know younger women are easier to manipulate and trap, don't fall for it, they all are mostly the same, and if it does happen to turn into something long term, he's going to cheat with someone younger, make no mistake about it, they are all the same, don't fool yourself. Not only that, what do you have to talk about or relate to at the end of the day? I am with a very, very attractive HVM and he is 4 years younger, he can easily get any 20 something year old that he wants, but he knows that in reality he has nothing in common with those girls and there really is no future. I love being with a man that is from the same generation as me, we have so much to talk about, we grew up on the same music, and have so much fun together because we just relate, we are both way past the party scene and I love that we both are annoyed by it and want to just do more wholesome and healthy activities together. I can't ever imagine being with someone where there is a huge generational gap. Being in a relationship where you can relate on all levels is way more fulfilling and rewarding in my opinion. I've been on both sides, I've dated older men and I've dated way younger men. It just never was "right" there was always some sort of disconnect because either I didn't get something about them or the other person didn't get something about me. Not trying to knock you down, but I know the deal, I wish I would have had and FDS education before I went out dating in this big bad world, but better late than never!

CuriousCatNYC777 · 2020-02-28T22:41:59+00:00

There’s a section on this topic in the handbook

throwmefaraway85 · 2020-02-28T22:48:35+00:00

Everyone here has great points already so I won't reiterate them.

But think from his perspective too. Why would someone so accomplished be dating people who haven't even finished school yet, and have no experience in their career or life after school? You're an accessory and status symbol to him because you're young and pretty. I'll guarantee he brags about it to his friends and uses it as leverage. The relationship isn't about his love for you, it's about using his status to chase and get young pussy. Because that's what a lot of men do.

If he had a healthy mentally, someone at his stage in life would want an equal that he could grow with. Once you've started living life after school, you start to realize how much your experiences separate you from people still in that stage of life. The fact is he probably has little in common with you, even if you feel like you might with him.

He will never care about you for you. It will be surface level. He cares about your body and your youth. But do what makes you happy as long as you can keep emotions out of it and realize there's a high chance you will eventually get replaced by the next willing 21 year old once the novelty has worn off. Enjoy the fun dates but don't be naive about why they're really going after you. And don't forget they've had many years of practice to perfect their manipulation to make you think they're actually in love with you.

CyanCayenne · 2020-02-28T22:51:02+00:00

In 10 years you won't be a young lady, you'll be a grown woman, and they won't like it when you're wanting to make your own decisions about your life. Once that power dynamic is gone they'll resent you.

SavvyInNYC · 2020-02-28T21:48:43+00:00

It’s not necessarily wrong.

Just be aware they’re using you as much as you’re using them.

And they are well aware that a 21 year old that has just graduated college is far easier to manipulate and take advantage of than a woman that’s their own age, experienced and established.

rainbowcatsurprise · 2020-02-28T22:49:48+00:00

Half his age plus 7 is a good place to start. I’m 25 now. I dated one guy who was almost 30 when I was 19. Biggest mistake of my life. The guy had more money and would spend it, but he literally thought he was still 18. He wanted to hang out with my friends and relate to them and it was embarrassing. After a while it got pathetic because he realized that while I was young and improving my life, he was standing still. He eventually became jealous and resentful. Older guys date really young girls for a reason- they’re stuck at that age and don’t want to grow up. They want to borrow your youth. I just turned 25 this summer and I would never hang out and date college kids. I have a mentee in college right now and she and I are in completely different stages in life, for good reason.

Imagine if I fell in love and married that 30 year old. Imagine if I had a child and got stuck. He would be an old man baby when I was at the peak of my career. Trust me, older guys like young girls because the standards are low and they’re impressed by everything. People just 2 years into their career realize they have their own money and life and freedom and him buying you dinner is nothing to write home about. It is the standard to go on real dates and have a real place to live and have basic cleanliness. But the bare minimum won’t cut it for women his age that have outgrown him in every way.

throwaway23004345 · 2020-02-28T21:59:48+00:00

I think it depends. I’m 27 and I dated a 40 year old and he’s the only guy to treat well. A guy my age literally forced a bj out of me in car. He was a friend of a friend and he told her that he wasn’t interested in me. Biggest pick me shit I ever did.

Anyway I’m too old to be manipulated etc I’m old enough to read the signs from this reddit and other online sources. It’s different when you’re in college because you’re so busy with studies you don’t know how the real world is like. I used to hate the idea of older men but men my age are terrible. They just want free sex and don’t have the provider mentality.

But regardless of age just be careful. Also men mature slower. Men our age as just as capable of fucking you over.

Title	Why is it wrong to date older men?
Author	babyaf
Upvotes	1
Comments	26
Date	February 28, 2020 9:33 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fb21pq/why_is_it_wrong_to_date_older_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-is-it-wrong-to-date-older-men.681313 https://theredarchive.com/post/681313

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