Your standards are YOURS. No one gets to tell you they are unfair, too rigid, or unrealistic because YOU have to live with what you accept.

Lowering your standards can lead to being stuck in a situation that is very likely to steal your happiness, stability and sometimes even your safety.

Just a reminder: there are many women (even on this sub) that have found HVM. The men who are spending their time on this subreddit in order to criticize us having standards are triggered because deep down they know they are not up to par. I don't have the time (or care) to spend on a men's subreddit telling them they they have standards that aren't "fair". If they want to have specific standards, it does nothing to me. If they walk the talk, then they will probably be able to get someone who meets their standards, If they don't- then they won't. Simple as that and not my business. The interesting thing is that many of these Reddit men cannot control themselves when they see that a woman has standards and it irritates them so much that they try to send messages or post.

When they cannot control their feelings of inadequacy, they offload them onto others by attempting to control and gaslight the other person into feeling inadequate.

Apparently, it triggers Reddit men that I am a divorced woman over 30 with kids, that has standards regarding what I consider to be an acceptable partner. My standards are mine and I ask for nothing that I can't contribute myself. Why would I put up with less ? In real life, I have noticed no difference between my child free 20s and my divorced with children 30s. Men rise to the occasion and meet the standards. Men in my age bracket understand that many individuals have children in this age bracket and it does not deter them.

I can tell you what happens when you don't keep your standards high, because I've been in a horrible marriage. I made excuses for his behavior and thought I could save and love back to life what was a broken man. I've seen what it's like to be married to a man that is LV and I will never tolerate or make excuses for a man's behavior again. I hold myself to high standards and if he cannot do the same, then I'm not interested.

Ladies, as many of us have already realized, being happy and single is much better than being saddled with a LVM/NVM. Do not accept less because of messages from men in their mother's basement trying to manipulate you into believing you don't deserve the basics of a respectful and loving relationship. Do not accept less because unhappy people in shit relationships in real life tell you that it's normal- because it's not.

Signed,

A badass divorced mom who escaped an abusive, alcoholic, cop ex husband and is happier than ever before (all while pursuing a second degree AND raising happy/healthy/responsible/caring children, AND still having just as many men fall all over themselves).

You have the power to live a happy and fulfilling life on your own terms. Set the bar high for both yourself and those that you allow into your life and feel the freedom and joy that come from having those standards!