Your opinion doesn't need to be validated for you to have it.

notthefunkind74 · 2021-10-07T18:00:11+00:00

This is such an important point. As women we’ve been through a lifetime of conditioning not to trust our own perceptions. That if we’re disagreeing with external sources, it’s us that’s being irrational or overemotional.

Even now that I’m more aware of the patriarchy/misogyny and how pervasive it is, it’s still a struggle to reconcile with the total lack of support from external sources (outside of FDS). Men are one thing but knowing that most of the women I interact with would disagree with a lot of my perceptions is hard to get past. I have to remind myself that these women have all been conditioned their whole lives as well. A lack of external support doesn’t mean that I’m wrong.

djfrankenjuice · 2021-10-07T17:49:01+00:00

I feel like part of the issue is that it’s more than not being validated - it’s frequently having those beliefs attacked, undermined, belittled by others, media, culture in general.

That’s why FDS is such a good resource as it is a space where standards aren’t just allowed (because frankly most cultures don’t want women to have standards) they’re encouraged.

Love_Artemis · 2021-10-07T20:08:48+00:00

Be prepared for insults, belittlement, degrading, false narratives, and worse misogynoir or misogyny

We already deal with this regardless of what we do, whether we do things that benefit men or not, so we might as well put ourselves first.

stealthreplife · 2021-10-07T17:47:32+00:00

I think FDS philosophy will become the norm for most women and consequently more men will abandon pickup artistry and other bad behavior and act more in line with FDS standards.

But for now, we're early. And it's hard to be on the forefront of change, because the earlier you are, the more people will try to invalidate you.

katiekat0214 · 2021-10-07T20:22:26+00:00

Very much so this, being childfree from single digits! Talk about learning how to keep a LOT to myself, watching/judging how people reacted when I did say something, and thus learning how to vet people early on. Are you cool, a stick in the mud/traditional, or toxic? Your attitude toward my body, my life plans, my taking the road less traveled by... I can tell in a moment from how you respond to me.

As a gifted, opinionated, strong woman, HELL to the yes on all of this. I've said before, every single time some random person tried to contradict me, gaslight, or talk me out of whatever I thought/knew/believed, I knew I was on the right track, 9 times out of 10. Why would any random person be so compelled to say anything, unless they're triggered? Obviously I look within and try to look at things from all angles, but if there's no logical reason an opinion is bad or harmful, and my believing something, or doing/not doing something harms no one else, seriously, why bother saying anything? Insults, belittlemen, degradation, false narratives, misogyny... all part of having ANY opinion, ANY standard, ANY firm belief as a woman. They can all die mad. If simply having an opinion, making a stand, or having standards pisses some people off that much, then that's all the more reason for having them.

Mysterious_Call_924 · 2021-10-07T19:08:39+00:00

This is short, succinct, and all around a Handbook level post

Toot--Sweet · 2021-10-07T22:12:02+00:00

Great post. It's getting that balance right: having both the confidence to stand alone and the humility to keep an open mind. Not an easy thing to achieve, but definitely something I'm working on as part of my level up journey.

Ok_Motor_3069 · 2021-10-07T19:36:38+00:00

One way to know you’re on the right track, often, is to see if other people hate it. No one else has your best interests in mind as much as you do, except maybe your parents if you have good ones. Other people usually want people to do what is in their interests, not yours. Just keep in mind what the agenda of the other party is, and if it’s in your favor or not. That is my analysis.

usernamewhichiafree · 2021-10-07T21:57:51+00:00

It's a pet peeve of mine when people tell me "I don't think you are a bad person because of that" or "I don't mind you thinking that" when I tell them my opinion about a certain topic. Like.... Did I ask??

Ok-Yogurtcloset3467 · 2021-10-07T18:53:23+00:00

I feel like I had standards or things I expected men to be when I was younger and I crushed them or shoved hem to the back of my mind because society tells women that men can't be like that and you aren't worth it.

So now I want to create standards for men that are outlandish but important because they matter to me. The list is growing but they're still not very high. I'm working on it

Title	Your opinion doesn't need to be validated for you to have it.
Author	CountingDownTheDays5
Upvotes	471
Comments	15
Date	October 7, 2021 4:39 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/q3d1pd/your_opinion_doesnt_need_to_be_validated_for_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/your-opinion-doesnt-need-to-be-validated-for-you.1076881 https://theredarchive.com/post/1076881

Comments