Advice

flaumo · 2025-01-04T11:20:04+00:00

You do not hurt women by taking yourself seriously. You have exactly the same right to bodily integrity, sexual self determination and good mental health as women.

Take a minute or two and think how the feminists who criticize you for being here honestly help you with your issues. Spoiler: They don't. They want you to be their ally, but give nothing in return.

mrBored0m · 2025-01-04T13:33:40+00:00

I looked through your profile and every your comment in feminist subs (and some of those subs are really awful; like 4 wave feminism and some sub about demanding matriarchy) is removed. Do you really like going there?

You can care about women without interacting with Reddit feminists who are awful most of the time. And I suggest discussing men problems with only those feminist women who are open-minded.

I'm into both LWMA and Critical Theory but I never will discuss men problems on the second sub (if I'm not interested in feminist perspective in that moment).

Punder_man · 2025-01-04T09:23:37+00:00

Given how often feminists use double standards, gaslighting and even whataboutism to minimize men's issues.. its not hard at all for me to defend men's rights without feeling gaslit by feminists..

I just have to ignore the constant ongoing barrage of feminists and the main stream media telling men they are bad for existing..

ZealousidealCrazy393 · 2025-01-04T15:38:33+00:00

If you're really interested in discussing this with feminists, you can ask how you caring about men's issues is hurting women. They won't be able to give you a coherent answer that isn't about men's issues being unimportant, a distraction from women's issues, or just offensive. The lack of a coherent answer from somebody when you ask them to explain their point is usually a sign they're full of shit and arguing from some place other than logic.

If you're feeling guilty for advocating for men's rights, I'd recommend you be very careful engaging with feminists, as they want that sense of guilt to grow. I'd say the same thing to a gay person feeling guilty for advocating for gay rights because it offends his Christian friends and family. People who care about you do not plant seeds of guilt in your head for wanting to be happy and empowered.

EDIT: realized I hadn't addressed the actual question: I had to work through the feelings of male guilt and shame earlier in life, and a major way I did that was realizing that the misandry I was subjected to was no different than the homophobia I was subjected to. This kind of thing requires you to unapologetically reject certain mainstream ideas feminists have normalized, such as it's okay to be sexist against men because they are privileged, etc.

thithothith · 2025-01-04T10:59:04+00:00

I just don't see feminists as proper advocates of women's, or anyone's rights, so their opinions don't particularly affect me. If there was an ideology that asserted that only the male gender role is oppressive, and men have always been only subjugated, just like certain racial groups historically, while women are purely privileged over men, and people who identify as egalitarians are traitors, ..would you feel like you're betraying male advocacy when that group dislikes you for also caring about women's issues?
A person can be an advocate for women's (and men's) rights simply by rejecting traditional gender culture, while feminist patriarchy theory denies the male half of asymmetrical gender norms even exists

meemsqueak44 · 2025-01-04T15:40:31+00:00

If they think being here is harmful, they don’t understand the aim of the sub.

Human rights and wellbeing are not a zero sum game. Hoping for better education outcomes for boys doesn’t hurt women. Asking for safer working conditions for men doesn’t hurt women. Promoting men’s mental health doesn’t hurt women.

I don’t really participate in feminism subs. Why would I need to? I already know how to be respectful towards women. I aim to treat everyone fairly. I don’t think I’m missing much.

Men_And_The_Election · 2025-01-04T15:08:13+00:00

Everyone has the right to advocate for their own well-being, including men. We die 5.9 years earlier than women in the US. That right there is a starting point. There are many other legitimate issues, as well.

hefoxed · 2025-01-04T10:25:47+00:00

Better addressing men's issues will help women also.

I've been binge watching the Prime Reaper, and just watched https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCb5X5bbV1c, which was in response to a Feminist comment that implies men's mental health should be ignored in favour of women's. It's such a wild take as various men's issues contribute to violence towards women -- by not addressing men's issues, everyone is hurt.

The majority of mass shooters are suicides, as discussed in this interview https://youtu.be/3zJkZJe01bc?si=FljlnO8RysIhwklW Helping men is helping to reduce mass death.

As feminism is deeply linked to some of these issues alienating and hurting men's mental health, we most be critical of those parts (while supporting the good parts).

It's also not good for the mental health of women. By over inflating danger and making women afraid of men, it can increase anxiety and make it harder for some people to date. A good marriage/dating partner can be good for mental health (tho a bad can be lot worse).

The "eternal victim" mindset is also not a mentally healthy mindset to be trapped in, which some feminism tends to encourage. Been watching lot of fat activism critical videos lately also, and fat activism is such a sad example of this where people use activism to encourage a literally deadly lifestyle where self improvement / improving healthy habits is actively discouraged. Videos of former FA are insightful to watch. Imo that type of activism is rooted in some types of Feminism and has similar issues within Feminism. As a trans guy, I've been processing a bit of that angry that that mindset was encouraged in me some of trans community, tho I'm glad I'm finally breaking away from it.

Also, by not addressing these issues, we also alienate so many people from the left and support for queer rights, pro unions, universal healthcare, and other policies that would improve the world. Like, I'm trying to figure out how I can wake people up for selfish reasons - my rights are in danger. The dems will likely continue to lose if we don't change.

So, don't let them guilt you -- this type of activism will help women also.

whordeum_sp · 2025-01-04T20:02:32+00:00

The entire online feminist movement has been comprimised for a long time now: co-opted by genderwar pysop groups. Reddit as a whole has been largely complicit in allowing these groups to propagate as well.

Like others have stated, the issue lies with your engagement with these "feminist" subreddits. Twox, feminism, menslib, witchesvspatriarchy, etc: what you aren't realizing, and many others havent as well, is that becky from arizona isnt posting in these subreddits. Its ivan from siberia, luan from shanghai, jorge from venezula, and fatima from mumbai.

The purpose of femosphere subreddits are to upset you and make you angry.

HerrSirCupcake · 2025-01-04T16:19:26+00:00

adressing mens inequality will make men more likely to care about womens inequality.

Few-Coat1297 · 2025-01-04T11:47:15+00:00

My only two pieces of advice in speaking on mens rights in public forums are...

1) Do not bring it up in an existing discussion on women's rights

2) Don't allow your discussion on mens rights be derailed by feminists whataboutisms on women's rights.

Almahue · 2025-01-04T17:06:49+00:00

You need to release the part of you that's been conditioned into self-sacrifice.

People who aren't you are men and we all have to cooperate if we want to be taken seriously on our issues.

A movement for the rights of a group only becomes a problem when it gets government funding to oppress other groups in their name.

If people who represents such a group says you are taking too much space, feel free to ignore them.

Overall, remember: equality is for everyone, equity is for disabilities. If women needed equity “woman" would be a disability. So long as you advocate for the equal treatment of people you will be in the right.

ChimpPimp20 · 2025-01-05T05:57:19+00:00

Obviously they don't talk about issues you care about if you feel the need to be here. By no means does that make you a bad person. Just don't be a dick to women and their issues and you'll be fine.

AdSpecial7366 · 2025-01-04T14:38:05+00:00

Just ignore. Possibly the best you can do.

Local-Willingness784 · 2025-01-04T23:30:15+00:00

ask them questions, and stick to your point of getting a clear answer out of them, not feelings, not stats from moronic studies, but a clear and logical reasoning about how you are "hurting women" by posting here, not that they feel about this, but what harm as a result of you being here has been caused to women.

Roge2005 · 2025-01-05T09:46:51+00:00

I kind of feel the same

Low_Rich_5436 · 2025-01-07T12:06:40+00:00

It is an absurd notion that to be good you need to sacrifice yourself. Put your own oxygen mask on before helping the passenger next to you.

When somebody expects you to prioritize thel over yourself, do they do the same in return? Do the feminists criticizing you for being here make men's issues a priority, or do they just expect you to treat yourself as a second grade citizen, not even worthy of your own concern?

Their attitude should strengthen your resolve, not weaken it. They are trying to prevent you from caring about yourself. That's just wrong. Entitled, demeaning and wrong.

Title	Advice
Author	No_Editor_4328
Upvotes	52
Comments	34
Date	January 4, 2025 12:47 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/1ht230l/advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/advice.1540307 https://theredarchive.com/post/1540307

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