How does being a men’s advocate affect your relationships?

Due-Heron-5577 · 2025-04-08T08:55:00+00:00

Romantic relationships? At this time, no effect at all, if anything it’s a shared concern. My partner is a vocal advocate for men herself and has challenged biases/assumptions in her workplace and among friends on a number of occasions. When we first met she was quite sceptical about my gender politics, worrying in particular that it was a sort of “all lives matter” reactionary movement but gradually came to understand the various systemic issues and why we need this movement to address them.

Previously, I think being a men’s advocate was a factor in one relationship not really getting off the ground. The girl was a pretty entrenched instagram feminist and had some pretty problematic views, very far from the worst I’ve heard though. I think she had made her views a part of her identity, as I have, so there was always going to be too much tension there.

In terms of friendships I tend to filter what I think quite a lot. Most of my friends are male and most of them are on the receiving end of the inequalities we discuss here, particularly around the intersection of maleness and class. Their circumstances are largely reflections of this and I think if I said too much then I’d potentially be getting into some very sensitive territory without their say so. So the most I do is share things on IG and let them discuss if they want to.

In the workplace I button it. A lot of the people I work with are junior to me and it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to be bringing up politics of any sort due to the power imbalance.

MelissaMiranti · 2025-04-08T13:03:29+00:00

It destroyed my friendships some years ago. I thought that self-described feminists would be in favor of closing gender gaps in education, justice, healthcare, and generally stamping out sexism. It turns out that feminists aren't in favor of any of that. So those friends dropped me the moment I objected to the phrase "men are trash."

Now I have better friends who listen to well-reasoned arguments with stats and studies. These friends are actually interested in equality.

Low-Philosopher-2354 · 2025-04-08T08:51:49+00:00

I feel isolated from some people, namely my family. Hopefully any partner I had wouldn't take any issue with it but I won't know until then. As for the other questions, since my family is very likely feminist I don't really talk to them unless it's necessary. And honestly it'd be outright impossible to have a feminist as a friend.

Gayfunguy · 2025-04-08T15:38:57+00:00

People get very upset if they find out im not ultra pro femminist. Like i was saying the barbie movie was misandry rather than actual feminist. Idk depicting a bitter jaded women telling other women men are stupid trash to "save them" was not my idea of benifical to society.

ARabbitShotAHunter · 2025-04-09T08:11:10+00:00

Getting interested in men's issues freed me of many one-way friendships with women.

I'd always had more female friends, but learning about men's issues made me realize they did not do for me what they expected me to do for them. Provide, protect, empathize. I had been listening to them complain about how hard they have it, about their boyfriends about their relationship, helping them consistently for decades and never realized it was entirely one-sided. It was just the way things were.

Then one day I had a conversation on gendered issues with one of them, and she very clearly expressed she just cared more about women. To me, a man who had supported her through (self inflicted) hard times expecting nothing in return. I talked about things that had happened to me asking her "do you not care?" and her answer was "I care about violence against women". It was such a clear "fuck you I matter more" it ended any positive feelings I had for her there and then.

So I recreated the experiment. I expressed some kind of need or insecurity to other of my female friends. Some were greatly supportive, but many just did not care. About me, about men, about anyone who wasn't themselves or a representation of themselves. Fascinatingly the correlation with feminism has been 100%. All feminists in my surroundings turned out to be too self-centered to be counted as actual friends.

On the other hand I have gotten rid of my misandry. I used to have very little straight male friends, they scared me. I now have friends of both genders, all of which wonderful and supportive, and I've gotten rid of the deadweight. It's awesome. Thanks MRA's!

ESchwenke · 2025-04-09T04:20:24+00:00

When I shared a video I found a link for on here about how the argument that we men deserve everything bad that happens to us because we set up the patriarchy is flawed because it was the elite that set up the system, let alone the fact that the systems were set up before any of us were born, female friends of mine got angry/scared that I was engaging with MRA/Redpill content, and my wife got scared that I was being seduced by the alt-right pipeline.

1bnna2bnna3bnna · 2025-04-08T12:06:51+00:00

My wife, a feminist, is very understanding and supportive, because she saw how hard I worked decades ago to close the gap in girls education outcomes. She knows that for me, equality requires equity. We have to act. Boys need us.

Flashy-Discussion-57 · 2025-04-08T13:10:53+00:00

I avoid these conversations for the most part. Most of the time, men are willing to talk about them but don't fully understand. Most women I've talked to don't care because women have it "worse" and thus, not important.

I've had both a gf and have female friend I've talked to about them. They admit men's issues do matter, but since no one cares to do anything about them, they aren't going to advocate for men. At most, they cut back on repeating the man hating talking points. I've stopped investing into relationships with women because I know they demand the provider and protector role from men and offer nothing I care about. What triggers me is if they come to me with a complaint about something and I'm uneasy around make caring about LGBTQ+ and abortion part of their personality. Oh! Also, if living alone and seeking emotional intelligent men is part of their personality. I'm so use to them bringing up these topics because they want a man to drag his balls through a mile of broken glass to hear them fart through a radio

Peptocoptr · 2025-04-08T21:58:12+00:00

Just being MILDLY critical of modern feminist misandry cost me a friendship. Good riddance I guess. Now that I'm pretty much an MRA, I would expect to lose a lot more if the topic ever comes up, but it just rarely does. On the rare occasions that it does come up, I feel no need to dump all of this stuff on them at once. I just tell them the relevant information without diving too deep into my beliefs because I'd rather let them come up with their own conclusions from what I say. Only my closest friends know the true extent of my views, because they're the only ones I regularly talk to this stuff about. It usually starts out as a conversation about relationships and the dating market because they struggle with that more than I do. It's also worth noting that I'm not really articulate when speaking about this stuff in person. Especially in my native language. So it's just hard to get my ideas across, especially to people who aren't already familiar with these topics.

griii2 · 2025-04-08T18:08:26+00:00

My wife fully supports it.

rubyjohn1109 · 2025-04-09T15:04:45+00:00

I’m a woman but the women in my life listen to me because they respect me. It’s not something I just bring up randomly but on topics like domestic violence against males and men in education I do engage in these convos frequently. However, I think it’s a lot easier for me to criticize feminism even as someone who holds some feminist ideals because of my race. It’s a lot easier to conceptualize the fear of femininity being weaponized against men when we have historic examples of that happening. We have the same gender wars and apathy against men’s issues to an extent, but it’s way harder to dismiss men outright knowing what these blasé attitudes toward men perpetuate in our community.

We don’t always agree, I don’t always agree with everything in this sub, but they don’t shut me down and are willing to wrestle with issues and engage deeply with me beyond just reactionary anger. I’m very grateful.

Langland88 · 2025-04-08T10:35:28+00:00

It depends on who I am talking too. My girlfriend is someone I am very comfortable about talking about men's issues. But my mother and sister are 2 people that I would not. They don't realize but they let Trump live in their heads rent free.

But for the most part, I feel like I am walking on eggshells around certain people. But with others, I am very comfortable about talking about these issues.

hottake_toothache · 2025-04-08T13:02:36+00:00

I don't talk about it anymore. That is after years of doing so and taking Ls--which, in of itself, was an eye-opening experience.

Initial_Zebra100 · 2025-04-08T13:10:10+00:00

I used to be very afraid of mentioning it. Felt almost shameful. Then I realised it was about different problems, not a competition. I had an ex who absolutely got it, totally supportive.

I think I'd make it a bit of a dealbreaker in the future, especially if it was dismissed. Ignorance isn't an excuse.

Former_Range_1730 · 2025-04-09T17:09:18+00:00

It effects me by avoiding women like this"

"Lesbian, Feminist Monique Wittig argued that heterosexuality is not innate but rather a social and political construct. In her groundbreaking essays, she proposed that heterosexuality functions as a societal institution designed to maintain gender divisions and enforce male dominance, under Patriarchy."

So basically, I just hang with hetero traditional women, as they tend to like men, and understand men due to their desire for us.

vegetables-10000 · 2025-04-09T20:31:42+00:00

It depends on how conveniently traditional the Feminist I'm dating is.

YetAgain67 · 2025-04-08T13:39:06+00:00

Married. Wife and I share our takes on this stuff all the time, and when one feels like they want to check the other, we do. And when we do, we talk it out and come to an understanding. No animosity, no getting in our feelings. Y'know, we're adults who love and trust each other.

Friendships? I don't personally identify as an MRA same as I don't identify as a feminist. I identify as an egalitarian and humanist, and I have a interest in the neglected male side of that outlook.

I've had a few verbal scuffles with friends, but nothing major. Outright misandry isn't common in my friend group, but it can rear it's head.

Sometimes I let it slide, clocking it as not the time. Sometimes I am compelled to speak up and push back. And when I do I make an effort to make my tone as conversational as possible, which seems to work to at making the other person not as instantly defensive and aggressive.

xaliadouri · 2025-04-09T00:15:37+00:00

My relationships are fine, because I'm happy to also fight for underdog women, and I try to listen and use reason. Many women actually hate feminists overall.

Also, I think my redpill influence makes me more attractive. Especially because I remove some of the authoritarianism that redpillers piggyback on their otherwise useful insights on being effective in society. Women tend to be turned on by some amount of authoritarianism, but you can get a lot of mileage by wielding it tactically like a rapier, not bluntly.

Fortunately, I don't hang around liberals, nor overly liberal-influenced leftists.

Title	How does being a men’s advocate affect your relationships?
Author	Big-Flatworm-135
Upvotes	68
Comments	43
Date	April 8, 2025 1:04 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/1ju1gd2/how_does_being_a_mens_advocate_affect_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/how-does-being-a-mens-advocate-affect-your.1548929 https://theredarchive.com/post/1548929

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