I always struggle with how to react to posts like this

a-man-from-earth · 2021-02-21T22:57:33+00:00

This post was reported for low effort. But as it appears to be generating some good discussion, I'll allow it.

cleanguy1 · 2021-02-21T19:52:38+00:00

It’s hard to deal with because we simultaneously want to be empathetic for the things she’s gone through, while at the same time, recognizing it isn’t right to blame an entire class of people for the crimes of some.

I do like the idea of substituting race for sexes here. If she was saying this about African Americans abusing her and therefore she doesn’t trust them anymore, she isn’t much different from the racists who use the fact that they’ve been wronged by individuals as an excuse to be racist against an entire class of people.

Then again, they will use the convenient idea that “since we are in a patriarchy, no one can be misandrist against men,” just like “since we are in a predominantly white country, no one can be racist against whites.” I reject those ideas.

ShortTailBoa · 2021-02-21T19:19:19+00:00

It's obviously incredibly dangerous. This is the very arguement I've seen countless actual NeoNazis make.

If you've ever seen an interview with a memeber of the Aryan Brotherhood, A lot of them will say that they were robbed or attacked by a black person and then they decided to hate all of them. Gypsy Crusader is a perfect example of this. He's a notrious NeoNazi who became one after a violent incident with a group of African American.

That doesn't execuse the terrible things he says or does. That's insane.

AskingToFeminists · 2021-02-22T00:55:38+00:00

Its complicated. Being untrusting of the gender that abused you is reasonable, but how you express that distrust is where my problem would be.

I was horribly abused by women nearly my entire childhood. The way I tend to express that is being very quiet and timid around women.

The OP and all the comments on that post are just bitching on the internet about how horrible "Men" are and circle jerking over their abuse. These people need therapy.

Ive had women do some truly horrid shit to me, even try to kill me as a child. You don't see me using that as an excuse to degrade the women around me becuase I love women. So the people in that post can take a nice long ride to gofuckyourselvesville.

Skirt_Douglas · 2021-02-22T02:05:04+00:00

You know, it is one thing to be traumatized and have these hateful thoughts about men, it’s understandable even. But modern feminists have this certain special kind of narcissism that makes think everyone in the god damn world needs to hear their most hateful and ugly thoughts. It doesn’t matter if it’s based on trauma, it’s trash thinking, period. You’re not a holy person just because you’re abused, you’re dirty laundry is still dirty; and no one wants to have that shit flung in your face. The Vietnam veteran that throws a fit in the Pho restaurant because “Charlie put something in his soup” doesn’t get a get out of morality jail free card just because his derangement is based on trauma.

YesAmAThrowaway · 2021-02-21T23:59:15+00:00

I mean, her reporting that she's been told it's her fault for trusting abusers to begin with is inappropriate and shows that we too aren't immune to assholes among our midst, however just as inappropriate is collectively blaming people.

Holocaust survivors don't blame Germans and I admire them for the calm and oftentimes even forgiving attitudes for the incredible horrors they were forced to live through.

That all of a woman's abusers are going to be men simply comes down to the fact that in most cases, men are attracted to women and she probably is only attracted to men herself, so the chance of the abuser having any other gender is negligible. As result, there is not one logically conceivable reason to blame all men. It is indeed misandry.

nebthefool · 2021-02-22T01:52:05+00:00

I get more worried that people with that mentality open themselves up to be super vulnerable to a female abuser. Just because they only have their guard up around men.

Past trauma is an explanation, not a justification. It explains why someone will hold certain predjudices, doesn't justify those predjudices.

ChewyPandaPoo · 2021-02-22T04:26:40+00:00

I told someone who was giving it the all men bs to replace the word man with Jew or any other demographic.

Perma ban

First & last comment.

I dont understand how that sub & black people twitter are allowed to exists.

Imagine if a white people twitter asked for a dated picture of your arm to prove youre black & TwoX is clearly a misandrist group full stop theres nothing else to that sub except hating men.

Henry_Blair · 2021-02-22T12:53:03+00:00

Yes, she is stained with racism. Anti-male one. Replace "men" with "blacks" or "immigrants" in all what she wrote to see that.

There is a small minority of people in each of the two sexes, which hurts many in the other sex. Almost every human being consequently carries scars. For decades, probably centuries, most men and women would not over-generalize from the minority to the entire opposite sex. In recent years, however, and through social media, extremists in both sexes have been inciting their sex against the opposite sex based on these minorities, to cause this over-generalization, which is simply generalized hatred - racism (I'm well aware of the word sexism. The connotations of the term Racism are crucial here and I use it intentionally).

Every person must resist this powerful and tempting incitement, and remind himself and herself that the demagogues are wrong, the other sex is not evil or malicious, it is mostly good, and trustworthy, and worthy of love and seeks love and not hate. Every one of us, men and women, is personally responsible not to succumb to the incitement and not to become a racist against the other sex, and if one is tempted to it, he and she will be called out for what they are - racists. They will of course object, by citing the stereotype they have on the group they are racist against, claiming this is proof that they are only responding to objective reality. But every racist always blames the group he or she hates for his or her hatred. This is the distinguishing characteristic of the racist. They will always apply their over-generalization and say "I'm not anti-men/women/blacks/immigrants - they really are bad". There are no excuses for being antagonistic against entire groups of human beings. The responsibility for not doing this is personal. Whoever does this is a racist, and one can use any applicable base instead of the base "race".

AutoModerator · 2021-02-21T18:34:05+00:00

Reminder everyone - Don't brigade the crossposted sub. It's against reddit rules.

To document instances of misandry, consider these options

1) take screenshots and upload them to Imgur
2) archive the page using a site like https://archive.vn/
3) crosspost the link to a dedicated subreddit like /r/everydaymisandry

You can also report misandry directly to the admins here.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

lorarc · 2021-02-22T14:24:26+00:00

I understand where it's coming from. However the generalisations are just too much. Some of them paint a reality where all men are bad and noone helps women. It's far worse than racism because at least with some racists I can believe that all their experiences with people they hate were negative.

Blauwpetje · 2021-02-22T17:31:00+00:00

React with empathy, say that you wouldn't wish anybody to suffer like that. At the same time, be very strict about the difference between forms of 'trusting men'. You don't have to trust everybody, but if many men abuse you, you should wonder if you simply don't move within the wrong circles, as that doesn't happen to all women.

LePetitPhagette · 2021-02-23T18:02:31+00:00

After all, if you see a snake on the ground you get away from it, you don't stop to examine it and determine if it's venomous first.

Eh. My empathy only goes so far. Feminist spaces have always tolerated misandry and this open (and absurd) comparison of men to snakes, where some of us are venomous while others are not is a blatant example of this. The fact that is so highly upvoted with very little dissent (97% upvoted) attests to this even more.

She either sucks at selecting the right male company or she sucks herself as a person and we're probably not getting the entire story here; she is, after all, the common denominator in these recurring crappy experiences.

throwra_coolname209 · 2021-02-21T20:26:58+00:00

Honestly, torn myself on this one. It's not the best mentality, but I can get where she's coming from?

I dunno, maybe I'm weird. I feel like I don't find it difficult to make judgements on someone's character without spending a lot of time or energy interacting with them. Basically, I'm also predisposed to be anxious about people I don't know and don't always trust them. But that anxiety is easily rectified or heightened after some short interactions with a person. That isn't to say that I don't make mistakes (after all, some people are really good at hiding their true attitudes), I've absolutely made some shitty friends that revealed it a few years in, but being wary of good friends for multiple years feels like a stressful way to live.

Like, don't get me wrong, I also wouldn't go to some random persons house for a first date. But I also would be able to have a pretty good idea by a third date if we are roughly compatible and if their intentions are as good as they say they are. And after that, if they reveal themselves to be shitty then that's what happens.

As a guy, I feel like all I really want is for someone to give me a relatively unbiased chance. You get a pass to be skeptical if you've never met me. But if this is the third or fourth date we've been on and you are acting like a skittish deer because you think I might attack you, I feel like I have a right to be upset about that.

I don't think this opinion is worth invalidating either. If someone genuinely feels like that, those feelings are real. I'm not about to argue with them. Imo, it's more like psychology. There's a fairly standard normal range of beliefs and emotional experiences. When your day to day life begins to be impacted by that, then it's something that needs to be addressed. Healthy skepticism is just that, healthy.

I keep editing my comments but I've also had direct experience with this. I was close friends with a woman who had experienced sexual trauma. She told me straight up during an intimate moment that she was wary of men and didn't trust them. I won't lie, I was upset. We had been friends for months at that point. Instead of walking away I confronted her about it, and asked her if she thought she could trust men more and what would need to happen for her to feel that way. We decided to take things slow and her anxiety about men dramatically improved. But I made sure to ask her if she thought her feelings might change, and what steps we could take to make that happen.

Comments