What are your wounds?

Kuato2012 · 2021-11-01T18:45:38+00:00

I wouldn't even know where to begin. Sometimes I feel like my masculinity is a hide of scars that was acquired through repeated emotional and physical brutalization. But hey, I can't complain.

And by that, I don't mean, "things aren't too bad, so I can't complain." I mean I literally can't complain, because outside of a few places like this sub, nobody cares and nobody wants to hear it.

Is_This_Safe_To_Eat · 2021-11-01T17:56:07+00:00

Oh absolutely. That last sentence resonates with me really deeply.

Now answering that question is a bit harder precisely because I keep that stuff locked down so tight. But honestly a big portion of it has to deal with emotional abuse I’ve received from a romantic partner that I have no real outlet to really express or do anything about because it’s so culturally normalized for men to take emotional abuse within relationships and we’re expected for it not to phase us.

Throwawayingaccount · 2021-11-01T21:57:08+00:00

Nearly every time I've asked a woman out, I've been rejected, and they have within 2 months entered a relationship with a known abuser, and have gotten abused in said relationship.

It hurts to see it happen. Someone you gathered your courage to ask out, only to effectively tell you that they'd rather go out with someone who raped their fiance. And then you bear witness to that same person you care about enough to want to try to become even closer to, to be beaten, or worse.

A terrible thing happens to a friend. That's bad enough. Being told that it's preferable to being in a relationship with you, is a gutpunch.

And then it happens repeatedly. Every. single. TIME.

But you can't ask why it happens.

Well, you can. But you're just told it's because your a misogynist. Then you turn your head, and see the black eye on the person you had a crush on. You're the misogynist. Not the person who punched her. YOU.

I know that's not true. But it still hurts to hear. So I can't raise the point. I've reached my sanity's limit. It can't take another accusation of misogyny, and accompanying ostracism.

throwra_coolname209 · 2021-11-01T19:42:20+00:00

I've been thinking about something close to this lately and I think a big pattern that emerges in my life is one of betrayal.

I'm not a masculine man, and I can pretend enough of it to get by, but I've had small bits and pieces of my life I've let my "real self" out and realized it's much much safer to keep it in, and I hate that. If I had my way I'd be the guy in frilly sweaters and leggings - like David from Schitts Creek but more colorful.

Most men, or at least the tradcons, reject me outright for who I am. I can understand that and sympathize with it though, to some degree. There's a large social cost with accepting non-masculine men as a legitimate and a lot to be lost if you make a big deal of it. So at least to me, men have an understandable barrier to acceptance that, while I don't agree with, I at least feel like I understand.

But then I turned to women and thought I had found allies. The social costs of accepting gender non-conforming and effeminate men are simply orders of magnitude lower if you're a woman - and I thought with the scores of "allied" women on the internet and in my real life I'd at least be taken more seriously. Unfortunately it proved more often than not to be lip service and no one wanted anything to do with me. I observed how they felt "uncomfortable" around men wearing makeup or skirts and just accepted those feelings outright instead of questioning them.

The intimate relationships I've had only confirm this more - at one point in some of the worst parts of gender dysphoria I had ever felt, I was sitting in the dark crying about the penis I had and didn't want. My girlfriend at the time came over to try and comfort me and inadvertently made things worse, because I knew I had to scramble for an explanation for my tears. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I had told her the actual reasons I'd get a whole evening of talk about how I'm devaluing women or making things about myself or that women are more than the sum of their genitals. It really hurt knowing I couldn't be honest with her because I'd be attacked for it.

It's just everywhere. I realize now I'm part of a fraction of the population that feels this way but what's worse is knowing there's only a fraction of a fraction of the population that honestly cares. I know even my political party only cares about me as long as I am actively feminine - the minute I stop expressing myself in an non-masculine way, I stop mattering to them and become invisible.

In some ways, I appreciate it when people hate me up front. It pulls the bandaid off quickly instead of having to find out in a few months that someone is only interested in virtue signaling.

Imaginary-Sense3733 · 2021-11-02T01:16:41+00:00

Thanks for posting this OP, great idea.

For me the most serious wound is body dysmorphia. As a neuroatypical man, I'm no one's ideal of a partner, and boy are women not shy about letting me know that! After spending my late teens and early twenties watching my female friends pair off, I resolved to change the one thing about myself I could control without compromising my personality (which I actually rather like); my appearance.

The last few years have been a grey, dreary onslaught of caloric restrictions and feeling like actual death, hours spent at the gym and neglecting the actual things I enjoy. I've gotten rather good at it now and have begun to develop the kind of body women like; I had my first one night stand a few weeks ago with a girl I met in a bar who called me "fit", the first compliment I've ever received about my body, and it put me in a euphoria for 3 days afterwards, I was so happy I even let myself have some cookies for the first time in a year and didn't immediately hate myself.

The problem is that I can kind of feel some gaping psychic abscess at the heart of all this transformation; as everyone compliments my discipline and physique I just feel myself staying as sad as ever with only the hope of a dopamine rush from some future female attention keeping me going . To be quite honest, I just wish there was a switch in my head that I could flick that would just turn of my attraction to women, and I could spend the rest of my life roaming around on the narrowboat I used to dream of owning, enjoying my games and my books. But such is life, I suppose.

Carkudo · 2021-11-02T04:10:10+00:00

I'm probably going to die alone and I'm terrified of it. Every day. Every second that I can't cover it up with work, hobbies or substance abuse. They say learning to love yourself is salvation, but it really isn't. So what if I know I don't deserve to suffer? I still suffer and can't do anything about it. So what if I know I'm worthy of love when there's no love to be had?

My wound is loneliness and rejection. It's not particularly unique. It's just particularly deep now that I've almost made it to 40. My psyche is mutilated and living with that and with all the external consequences of being an older single gets really damn exhausting at times.

boommicfucker · 2021-11-02T01:44:28+00:00

So... what are your wounds?

"Who gives a shit?"

That about sums it up.

Uglinessisreal · 2021-11-02T10:43:21+00:00

I'm not a very naturally masculine man, but I present as masculine as possible because it makes my life easier.

I think I've internalized an idea that no one will ever really like me for who I am, but if I act a certain way, play a character I guess, then people might like that character. Honestly, the older I get the more I feel that I'm actually correct and everyone else is in denial.

Uppmas · 2021-11-02T01:58:01+00:00

I have a bit of a different kind of wound. And somewhat different reason why I dont rly want to talk about it.

For me it was growing up as a very promising student who would become a doctor or a scientist and do great things. But in realityland I'm now 23 and struggling with automotive engineering studies. Somewhere along the line it became obvious that I skated through a lot of my school life not with hard work but pure intellect, and when the workload started demanding actual effort I struggled, hard. Almost dropped out of high school and been on off studying and getting nothing done for 4 years. I talked my mom into investing some money to fix our family car and its just sitting there for over a year because I cant fake enough productivity to fix it. I have pretty surely an undiagnosed ADHD.

All the while I have to pretend it doesnt affect me. It does a great deal, some nights I start crying and think 'why couldn't I just have been born normal'. And I could even open up about it and get support. But that doesn't make it any better. People tell me it'll be fine and things will get better. Its not fine, things are not getting better, this fucking sucks and I cant pretend otherwise.

Title	What are your wounds?
Author	pandemisexu4l
Upvotes	39
Comments	26
Date	November 1, 2021 4:14 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/qkhf9j/what_are_your_wounds/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/what-are-your-wounds.1080594 https://theredarchive.com/post/1080594

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