Broken.

oedipusplatypus · 2021-05-01T18:58:15+00:00

There are so many of us who have been exactly where you are. Time fixes it. Meditation fixes it. Putting yourself first fixes it. At a certain point, you will have opportunities to be with someone. Many opportunities, especially in your late 30s and early 40s. You become the prize. It is your choice how you want to handle it. Personally, I refuse to compromise now because I don't need to. I have great friends, no debt, interesting hobbies, and a hound dog. I have not met a woman who could now make me settle down. I'm not looking to raise someone else's fuck trophies. It gets lonely sometimes, but it's a lot better than being an appliance in exchange for a depreciating asset.

chalchium · 2021-05-01T19:54:27+00:00

Jeez this is heart-wrenching. Yes, I get it when people are blue-pilled they tend to ignore red-flags and just think "woman changes", when in reality she would have showed her true color long time ago. She "changes" when your chemical infatuation wears off. But still, you don't deserve this as punishment, this is literal abuse and torture.

Well, MGTOW is here. You can stay if you want.

ItPutsLotionOnItSkin · 2021-05-01T20:53:58+00:00

I crave to love

You need to love yourself first. You can't fill that void with other people, especially females. You need to love yourself first. If you do you will be strong enough to be with somebody if you want. I was married for 10 years. One time my exwife told me she had a suitcase packed I told her that the door was never locked but it only swings one way. We've been divorced for 3 years and I have no desire to have her back.

b1ngnx33 · 2021-05-01T19:45:38+00:00

So glad I am single. These horror stories only justify my choice.

MeisterMGTOW · 2021-05-01T20:15:22+00:00

No divorce, no child support, no false accusations, no STDs.

You are one lucky bastard.

What the fuck are you complaining about?

Serend1p1ty · 2021-05-01T22:35:09+00:00

I have a Mother who likes to use what we now call abusive mechanisms of passive aggression on me. I grew up thinking this is how all women are. My Dad tells me I need to learn to "take it on the chin". I'm left wondering if all women leave eggshells for me to tread on.

My sister does not talk to me at all.

My Grandma is pretty cool.

I'm not really chatting to any woman at the moment. No avenues of dating, nothing.

I have a difficult relationship with 2/3 of the most important women I'm supposed to have in my life.

At first I was angry about the injustice. Through consideration, I realised that the only person who was being eaten up by all this anger was me.

This took time, but I slowly learnt how to let my world become still with all these turbulent forces outside it.

I am sat on the top of a mountain. It is snowing but I am not cold. There is a breeze in my face as I gaze upon the endless landscape of white topped peaks and crevices that form this place in my mind. I can see the clouds split as they sweep the tops.

I take a deep breath. There is so much to explore.

Welcome to MGTOW.

Solo_and_Simple · 2021-05-02T00:12:11+00:00

Sorry you're going through this. Sounds like you're in a lot of pain.

You want my advice? Probably not. But what the hell, here it is anyhow.

Priority 1 is to stay the hell out of relationships, and just focus on taking care of yourself. Build a good relationship with yourself, so that you're not drowning in feelings of worthlessness and unlovability.

Priority 2 is to understand that your brain is looking for an external solution to an internal problem. You think getting back together with her will solve the problem, or maybe getting "love" from some other woman. But a woman's "love" isn't going to fix you. External stroking cannot change an internal problem with self-image, self-esteem, self-respect, feelings of worth, shame and inferiority. It would be nice if it worked that way, but it doesn't. This is an internal problem, and your brain is seeking external solutions. That's important to get. Your brain is going to mislead you.

Whenever it starts to pine about her, or crave a woman's love as if it's mother's milk, you need to realize that your brain is lying to you. You need to remind yourself that this is a bullshit idea, and it will only lead you one more time around the merry-go-round.

Priority 3 is to fix your picker. It's broken. You keep picking screwed-up women, over and over. I'm not saying it's your fault, but it is your responsibility to figure it out and get it fixed, if you want a different life. That means introspection, working on yourself, maybe with help -- and doing what you need to do to get better (rather than reaching for the comfort of external "love").

An old word for this is codependency.

I wish you the best. I know it's a hard thing to go through. I'm sure I don't sound very empathic, but I know something about where you're at, and I know it sucks.

Ricksalab89 · 2021-05-01T19:31:41+00:00

Hey bud, Id advise taking a look at some Patrice O’Neal content. Specifically the 12 episodes of his “Black Phillip Show”. He really helped me to get over this pain and be happy again. Also, take a look at my yt channel if you need some help. It is all about men finding what makes us happy and not letting others get you down. Ill put the link below. Sub if you enjoy. Hang in there king, you will come out of this a better man.

https://youtube.com/channel/UCWMt5vdkD65locqfIp2nudw

BarrackOsamaBinBiden · 2021-05-01T19:05:58+00:00

God damn where do you find these types of women? Perhaps it’s your ability to judge character and need better assessment of their “qualifications”. Or maybe you just have bad luck...

Kdog909 · 2021-05-02T01:45:48+00:00

A woman will never love you the way you love her. When a man loves a woman, it’s unconditional. You would literally die for her. You’d give your life to protect her. How many songs have been written by men saying they would die for their woman, that everything they do is for their love, etc.

Women will love you like they’d love a car or a house. You’re an object in her life, not a human being. If you enhance her life through money or status she will “love” you. If a better guy comes along, or if your market value goes down, she won’t hesitate to drop you. She’ll perform all sorts of drama and theatrics to explain why she no longer loves you, but it’s more like simple economics.

Focus on your self. Don’t spend one second praying that you’ll find a woman who will truly love you. Desire is painful when it goes unfulfilled, and what you desire is something that is exceedingly rare.

I’m not saying that you should give up completely. You might find your soul-mate, who knows. Just don’t obsess about it or expect it to happen.

adriens · 2021-05-01T20:44:35+00:00

Stay strong brother.

I was a lot like you during that exact same span of time pretty much.

I took 2017 to 2020 completely to be by myself, not going out of my way to be with or even talk to girls unless they talked to me first and made plans on their own to invite me to.

After those 3 years of seclusion, I still don't really initiate, but I have a circle of girls that I can rely on to feel good about myself and validated. People that can take care of their own lives and then have a little bit of love to give out at the end of the day. Same goes for me.

So my tip is just to learn how to be selfish and live happy while alone. Take care of yourself. Put yourself first. The fact that you're lonely, in pain, and craving love, those are just symptoms that your life isn't that good.

I wake up every day happy and excited for the future. Eager to get things done, to move and to be involved in life, and I share that enthusiasm with others. Those are also the people that I seek to be around now, even if they're more rare and more busy.

So yeah, from the other side of the tunnel (me lol) just trust that it IS possible, but you have to start putting yourself first the way all those evil girls did. Don't depend on anyone. Do that, and you'll find the playing field is a lot more even.

peguy2000 · 2021-05-01T21:22:28+00:00

Sounds like a narc/borderline tbh. Been there as well. Focus on yourself and block her everywhere. Time will heal your scars. Never give cluster bs a second chance. They are the devil

lliksgaf · 2021-05-01T22:45:19+00:00

Your story is such a good example, thank you for sharing it with us. I'm glad you have no children or divorces. I sincerely hope you'll get better.

It's unsurprising your self-worth would take such a hit after those horrible things being said and done to you, you clearly cared a ton about them and it always hurts more getting shit from those you care about or love. The first girl actually made me mad, who tf treats another person like that? Fuck her.

As everyone else have stated, you need time. I really hope you'll get through it my friend, mgtow community is with you

red-tea-rex · 2021-05-02T05:05:37+00:00

You had some really bad experiences, and I sympathize. Most guys on here, myself included, have dated some mean or damaged women. We learn from this, the number one lesson is how to detect and avoid these types. But there's more going on here. I strongly suggest counseling or soul searching to do some inner work on yourself. It can benefit you in that you may have more fulfilling relationships of all types as a result. A couple things stand out to me:

You're trying to create a nurturing relationship with a woman. You're an adult man. Don't expect this because it's unlikely to happen. Women want strength from their man, not emotional dependence
You've done a lot of picking abusive women. And staying with them in some cases. You may be falling into a codependent role naturally with abusers. Look to your early childhood experiences especially your parents to see what bad relationship habits/behaviors you may have picked up from them, or good ones you may not have properly learned.
There's a lot you're not admitting to yourself. Learn and understand your blind spots. What are you ignoring so you can get a need met? Why is this need so important? Heed the red flags. Expect more from the women you date from day 1. And expect more from these supposed good friends of yours who aren't warning you about these women's red flags when you're overlooking them.

ManofGod1000 · 2021-05-02T02:19:43+00:00

I am going to say it straight up, the unconditional love of Jesus Christ is the only love that brought me up out of the mire clay. :) I am not going to get into my past, just because I do not want to get into that but, He overwhelmed me with his true, unconditional love, which is exactly what I needed and will always need, even 26 years later.

Tempest-Owl · 2021-05-01T23:25:14+00:00

Hard stuff. But now you know what women really are; without the Disney fantasy bullshit. Welcome to MGTOW, you'll be happy here, just give yourself some time to heal. Just remember, don't hate women, just be aware of their true nature.

holdthecreamer · 2021-05-01T23:28:55+00:00

Appreciate your story, and I see a lot of parallels. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’ve been in similar circumstances.

The fundamental problem is that you yourself said you crave to be loved. Which is understandable. But you have to get understand the mental poison that you’re sipping on a day to day basis is that you care about what other people think of you. Stop. You cannot control this. This is out of your control. Trying to control what you ultimately cannot is insanity.

The love for yourself is ultimately real, and you can do that. I’ll echo what someone else has already said, but stop caring about what other people think and love yourself enough to treat yourself well, like you would a best friend.

Cultivate your mind, body, finances. Stop trying to chase validation from others. This, I believe, is the key to happiness.

MementoMordor · 2021-05-02T04:57:55+00:00

My advice: Read your post when you feel alone or once a week. Maybe add why you are better off as MGTOW.

JYoungSocial · 2021-05-02T10:22:04+00:00

(This is not meant to be an insult or condescending. Please take this as a concerned member of this sub and a fellow man.)

Have you started seeing a therapist? Other people in this thread are giving good advice but it's all fragmented. I HIGHLY recommend that you seek professional help. Your relationship with yourself is toxic and you need a guide who can help you get onto the path of rational thinking and behavior.

Professional therapists are properly equipped and trained to work with people to help them understand what is happening, how to work with it, and what to expect.

Give yourself over to the process. And, keep realistic expectations on how long it will take and the pace of change. You've been through a great deal, so you need to give yourself the room to try, fail, and try again.

Ultimately, when you're wondering if you should continue with the therapy then you have to ask yourself this one simple, yet powerful, question, "Am I strong enough to stand on my own two feet?"

Good luck, buddy. Keep us in the loop on what happens. You know we're all routing for your success.

[deleted] · 2021-05-02T18:44:37+00:00

[deleted]

amnesia92 · 2021-05-01T23:33:51+00:00

God I remember being in a shitty relationshit with a girl back in 2014/15.....I 'stuck' it out even though I didn't want her or even sleep with her after the first 3 months

Looking back I should of just ended it sooner but being the 'nice guy' I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings lol. What a complete moron/simp I was.

Now I regret not being selfish when it comes to women, I regret being the 'nice guy'....I regret helping women out when they needed, I regret being used but refusing to believe that I was being used....because It might get me some already worn out and beat up pum pum with an overweight girl.

Damn I wasted so many years on dumb women and keeping dumb people in general around in my life.

I can now look back and laugh, I've learnt from my mistakes (once bitten, twice shy and all that jazz)

I'll never....ever, ever go through any of that crap for a women or just to get some crappy sex again. I don't chase, I don't offer 'help'...I actually don't care about sex anymore to be honest....always try to remember that women will drop your arse in a heartbeat without even blinking if a 'better' man comes along.

Don't feel broken man, you've just been conditioned by the system like I was.

CrayonViking · 2021-05-02T17:12:43+00:00

I lost all faith in love, marriage and women. I no longer want marriage or kids. With my track record, as described above, I'm terrified of not only being abused again, but I'm terrified of meeting the wrong person and going through even worse experiences like divorce and child support.

Welcome to Mgtow2 then! Cuz that attitude is a great starting point.

Weirdly enough, your story pretty much covers my earlier relationships. But knowing yourself, knowing your limitations, and focusing on yourself to get past this spot, will make your life better in every way.

I was like you, then I decided to only date semi-casually. Once I got on the casual train, it was a great medium for me. I have a gf, but we don't live together, don't plan to, and don't/won't have any kids. She has her place, I have mine. We have great sex, hang out and watch movies, talk every day, but no plans past that.

It's sad to say, but really the way to manage current times is to be fairly selfish with your feelings when it comes to relationships. Not so much that you are a total asshole, but you can't care so much that someone has emotional and/or financial collateral over your life.

It's a tough walk, but once you are in the zone, you'll find you have more good days than bad days.

But even w my current setup, which works for me, there are some tough times. Like just today, we had disagreement over some BS she said. She tried to blame me for some bad actions/attitude she's having. I stuck to my guns, stated my viewpoint, and she hasn't replied.

I am 100 percent prepared to never hear from her again (she's stubborn AND independent). And I'll never text her again if she doesn't reply back. Sure, it would sorta suck, because I like hanging out w her and the sex is awesome, But I'm not so emotionally involved that this is gonna change my life. And since we don't share items at each others place or any financial agreements, there won't even ever have to be contact ever again.

I'll just shrug, say 'that was fun while it lasted...' and just keep enjoying life. Live goes on, and I don't owe anybody shit. Since I really wanna start on a career path that pays better, I will have a lot of self-teaching/research to do, so this may be perfect timing. :)

If you can get yourself to an emotional/lifestyle mindset where you are totally prepared and willing to cut emotional ties when things start to affect your life negatively, you'll be golden. Easier said, than done. But it's doable!

Stay strong, brother.

rockstarsheep · 2021-05-02T00:51:52+00:00

Sorry to hear about your troubles. It looks like you’ve gone through some hell, but here you still are. Good. It means that you’re not done.

Tell me though, what did you learn from these relationships? What did you learn about yourself and what did you learn about the women you picked? Why do you think you tolerated their bad behavior? What were you getting out of that? Or maybe you don’t know this yet.

Last but not least, what do you want in concrete terms, for your future? What price are you willing to pay for the changes you need to make, to give yourself a shot to make the probability of that become a reality?

bilged · 2021-05-02T14:08:08+00:00

Get some weights. Pick them up and put them down. Repeat until you see the past women you were able to pull as trash.

MasterCeddy2 · 2021-05-02T00:54:15+00:00

Didn't read all of it but parts I've read makes me want to say to you that some of us have been there too a.k.a you're not alone. When you injured your back and overdosed on morphine and she didn't care. Guess what I had overdosed on energy drinks and got super sick (almost died of a heart attack) and my ex always had to super annoyed face when she came to see me.

ncubez · 2021-05-02T01:08:51+00:00

At least (I assume) you have had sex with some women. You're very lucky ☺️

Putrid-Department-90 · 2021-05-02T09:27:07+00:00

Dox the bitch

asdjkljj · 2021-05-02T08:48:06+00:00

Ah, so the abuser getting caught redirects, reverses victim and abuser, same as ever. Why do people want to be loved by terrible people? I do not want to be loved by bad people. What would that make me? It would make me bad. When I know that I am hated by bad people, I know I am doing everything right. If abusive assholes don't want to be in a relationship with me, I hold my head up high.

First, fashion yourself into a person that you like. Once you are sure that you are doing everything right, people not wanting to have anything to do with you is on them. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than be with an abusive asshole for one day.

People always assume that they are in the wrong when most other people have a problem with them. But the masses can be asses. Our average IQ is 100, we have had spectacular examples of mass hysteria, holocaust and all the madness that humans are capable of. Sometimes it really is everyone else gone mad, especially when you stick out.

I don't get bent out of shape anymore when I'm a loner because I believe in something that most other people don't or when I follow a path most people attack me for. If I am a good person, and good people are rare, then it's on all the people that think I'm not good enough.

capitan_cruiser · 2021-05-02T07:53:48+00:00

Maybe you should get a dog, to each their own but honestly having a dog by your side all the time is just one of the most loving experiences a man will ever have in his life.

zoeycunderwood · 2021-05-02T07:19:17+00:00

Only thing I can say to this is that time heals. Like, seriously. I know it's probably what most wouldn't like to hear but, it true, brother. It's all about time. I've been through similar experience as you, and even back then, I thought there was literally nothing I could do but, as time goes, you'll get yourself back, man.

MrDanduff · 2021-05-02T02:52:30+00:00

Dude... just jerk one out to get some post-shaky-shaky clarity.

TheApricotCavalier · 2021-05-02T06:42:59+00:00

Yeah the worlds pretty shit right now. Nobody will admit it in the moment, but when people look back on it as history, theyll call it some form of 'dark age'; way we look back on those poor ignorant bastards of the past today

> It's to be loved I crave.

Doesnt matter. You are born wanting things, and those wants mean nothing. You take what you can get, and you live with it

> All I did was love this girl. Same goes for the abuser. What do I get in return? Tossed away like Im nothing.

what do you want me to say man. You are loving people who arent good people. This isnt rational behavior & you pay the price. You want to be happy again? Put on those blue colored goggles, walk back into the fire, and pretend everythings ok

Crafty-Tackle · 2021-05-02T06:12:37+00:00

I hate to say but I think you need to give up on the idea of "LOVE" like in the Disney movies. Obviously enough, women have been a very bad influence in your life. Just go back and read what you wrote, or think about the details that you did not write. Women are a big negative for you. Like drugs for some people, like gambling for others. You are addicted to the IDEA of a fulfilling relationship, that rarely or never happens in real life. You need to focus on reality. Your health, your bank account, your investments, your hobbies, your relationship with your parents (they have saved your ass many times: make sure you pay them back), your goals and your future.

I think you are still in a pretty strong position, if you can give up on women. If you insist on having a woman, I suggest that you get professional assistance in the form of a matchmaker or other. Obviously, you are poor at choosing a partner. (see above). Even a mail order bride would be better than this. Seriously.

But, really, I think you should focus on what you really want, and what you really want to do. I do not know what that is. Only you do. Go your own way.

CamoFanatic · 2021-05-03T21:08:00+00:00

I want to thank everyone that posted on this the other day. I've read all your comments thoroughly and I really have taken it all to heart. I do recognize that there are things that I need to work on, and while there were things I could have done better with the most recent girl, I do recognize that I wasn't the problem either.

That said, I have decided that marriage and kids ain't for me, and frankly, I don't think relationships are either. But I do also have a lot of healing to do too.

While I'm mostly healed from the abuser, I definitely still affected by what happened in that relationship and I definitely have co-dependant tendencies. I will be looking into therapy at some point, and if... And that's a big IF....... IF I decide to get into another relationship, I'm gonna pick better, and remove anyone who's awful, toxic, abusive or has daddy issues (the 4 major relationships I had, all 4 had some sort of daddy issues).

Getting into another relationship is unlikely though. Dating, relationships and many (but not all) modern women, in my experience are exhausting and ain't worth it.

I'm going it alone. Working on myself.....my confidence, self esteem, self worth, fitness etc. All your support really brought a tear to my eye.... I don't feel so alone. I have supportive family and friends, but having other men out there validate my thoughts, feelings, pain and experiences really means a lot.

Thank you all. I'll keep you all updated.

Broken.

Comments

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

Title	Broken.
Author	CamoFanatic
Upvotes	1
Comments	68
Date	May 1, 2021 5:58 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW2
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW2/comments/n2nkw9/broken/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW2/broken.800255 https://theredarchive.com/post/800255