My wife is not attracted to me. At all. She often tells me she loves me, she gushes about how awesome I am (handsome, strong, smart, funny, etc), and acknowledges that she wants my approval/recognition. Her friends tell her I'm hot and she has witnessed much younger, hotter women openly flirt with me. But she is absolutely horrified by the thought of being physical with me. Sex is at most once a week (usually less frequent than that), only successfully initiated by her (I am in the middle of a streak of several hundred rejections in a row), and is total starfish. She will show affection toward me (nothing lusty), but freaks out or shuts down if I approach her. Shit is seriously broken and there is no indication that it will improve any time soon.

 

But this isn't a victim puke. At least, it's not supposed to be. It's supposed to contribute to the accumulation of MRP knowledge by serving as an example of how easy it is to fuck things up, despite busting your ass and making legitimate progress in important areas.

 

The basic lesson is this: if you approach MAPing (or whatever you want to call the program you undertake to finally turn yourself into a man) as a covert contract, you are certain to undermine your own progress and do things that turn her off; viz., make sex into an obligation for her, rather than make yourself into a target of her sexual desire. Your neediness will bleed through, it will be clear as day to her that you're hoping she'll notice every little display of awesomeness you put on, other women will swoon while your wife just sees you as a little boy who is desperate for her validation, and you'll hamster yourself into all kinds of weak sauce bad decisions in your actions with her that are way out of line with the rest of the way you conduct your life. Most of this is really subtle shit that women pick up on instinctively, while you think you're flying under the radar and can't fathom why she's not sexing you up on the reg.

 

If you're a particularly special brand of asshole, you'll eventually explicitly state the terms of the contract that you alone have drafted. There'll be an unhealthy dose of faux-alpha statements like, "I'm fucking awesome now, we all know it, so something is wrong with you if you're not fucking me. Either you're a lesbian or you have a hormonal problem." And with that, you've turned your relationship into a toxic waste dump. Even a woman without serious control problems is going to push back hard against that and find herself unable to feel genuine desire for you in a situation in which you've basically demanded her compliance.

 

The real problem with this particular way of proceeding is that you are acting like a worthless fuck while also projecting an otherwise awesome outward appearance. You have less than zero frame while seeming like you've invested heavily in self improvement. This seriously messes with how your wife views you. I can get bigger and stronger, true, but I was already big and strong while seeming like a beta bitch. I can become even more fun to be around, but I've already shown her that I can create a great time and then fuck it up by acting like a needy little boy. And so on and so on. Everywhere she looks, she finds some aspect of your awesomeness paired with some bitch ass behavior of yours. Further improvements along those dimensions are unlikely to move the needle with her. Dropping a few percent of body fat off an already lean body will not make her see me as a man when I've behaved like a little boy for so long.

 

That conditioning has built up over a long period of time, so things aren't going to reverse course just because I've finally developed a solid frame and stopped being a "needy alpha" just a little while ago. As far as I can tell, there might be no way to dig out of this hole. It's pretty deep and I've compromised my tools. I can't initiate or do anything remotely sexual, because I finally realized that I wasn't being alpha by continuing to initiate in the face of tons of rejections and freak outs. I was being a needy pussy who (every time) was just hoping that this would be the time when all my hard work pays off and things finally click. I can't say yes when she initiates, because her behavior in the lead up to that guarantees that it will be nothing but awful starfish sex that is just creepy and low value to keep settling for. I will keep improving myself in outward ways, but the problem in the marriage has been entirely confined to my frame. I sure as shit can't talk about any of this with her, because that talking and being transparent crap is how I turned myself from an alpha who treated her like a bratty kid sister into an orbiting beta who acted like she had the last vagina on earth.

 

So, all I can do is either eject or keep pushing along my own path while maintaining my frame and without worrying about her at all. I've been at this for years now and the prospect of staying any longer in this marriage that seems to have such a small chance of rebounding is not appealing, especially when I am certain that I could be spinning plates without much problem. However, I seriously fucked things up (with help from her that is irrelevant to both what I can control and this lesson) and I own the mess that a split would create in my kids' lives. Plus, for as bad as things are with my wife, I see certain qualities in her that are not easy to find in other women. At this point, I'm inclined to just spend a few months in something like monk mode. If she manages to buy into my frame during that time, I'm sure she'll let me know by giving indications of desire. If she doesn't, though, then it's time to face the fact that I created a problem that is too big to fix and to be man enough to move on in a way that does right by my kids.

 

The point of all this is that you can do almost everything else right, but if you MAP with the expectation/goal of improving your sex life with your wife (or any other part of your marriage), you are kneecapping yourself right from the start. You might turn yourself into a guy who can attract new women and spin plates, but you'll still be the panty-drying, needy bitch that you started as. Your wife will see right through it and, since your frame will still not be worth a shit, her lack of positive response to your improvements will just lead to you acting like more and more of a weak sauce fuck. Which just leads to your marriage continuing to circle the drain until, maybe, it gets to the point where it can't be unfucked.