So I'm an occasional lurker here. To give a bit of background, I became red pill before the term "red pill" was actually coined---back in the day when SoSuave.net was one of the few corners of the internet where this stuff was being discussed. The birthplace of Anti-Dump, RT, even the esteemed Pook. Before Heartiste, and wayyyy before Reddit Red Pill.

Like most of you, I started off as a dyed-in-the-wool beta chump. I had a father who in many ways was a great man, but definitely passed his blue pill philosophy and behaviors down the family tree. I had an introverted personality, poor fatherly example, a mother that died young and a host of other negative experiences with girls at a young age that set up the perfect storm for a lead-footed beta sinking to the bottom of the blue pill sea.

Long story short, a cataclysmic LTR and depression forever altered my path and set me on the straight and narrow with regards to women. I slowly began selecting better and learning that I was ultimately responsible for the way women treated me, not the other way around.

I racked up close to 40 lays in those formative years and dated probably double that, and became quite deft at the simple yet elusive art of NEXTing. It is partly through all this experience that I was able to attract and recognize the rarity in my now-wife. By RP standards, I did everything right: I met a virgin (a true virgin) 7 years younger than me (I was 30), was more educated than her, made more money than her, I delayed exclusivity until I took her virginity, I held a dominant frame from day one, I had tons of experience prior to her, and didnt marry her until she had confessed to me unprompted that she would stay with me no matter whether we married or not, had kids or not.

To be frank, experience allowed me to select and attract 'good stock', but there is certainly an element of Providence here, or luck, however you define it. To this day I am grateful and yes, even blessed.

What I came here to say is that EVEN if you have done everything right---self-actualized as a man, gained experience, screened redundantly, established frame from day 1, ruled out all sorts of common pitfalls and checked the right boxes---you can STILL revert to betaism within a marriage or LTR if you become complacent. And the onset is quite insidious.

Red Pill in a Marriage, and to a lesser extent an LTR, can be summed up like this: If there is a leadership void in your relationship, your wife WILL fill that void, and it will never be to your benefit.

That's it. Dont make it any more complicated that that. All the other stuff; the lifting, the clothes, the behavioral tactics; all of those are just mechanical means of faking it till you make it. And that's ok, by the way, but they are means to an end. Leadership is first and foremost a mindset, and all actions flow from this origin.

It does not matter what stock your woman comes from. It does not matter how good you were yesterday or how much of a stud you used to be. Does not matter how much other shit you have going on in your life. This is a law of nature, as real as gravity and thermodynamics. If there is a leadership void, it will be filled. Not surprisingly, this was even validated Biblically long before any of us clowns thought we made some scientific discovery.

What's really driven this home for me in the last few years is how easily you can lose frame. Married guys can relate. And as an aside, I truly believe you do not know what it is like to be married until you are married. This is evidenced by the sheer number of unmarried guys who tell me or other married men how marriage "should" be.

In marriage, things get routine. You both get lazy in your own ways. It's human nature. You cant be "on" all the time like you are when single, because when single after your bitch time you get to go home and power down for a while. You arent constantly being tested. And that's another law of nature to embrace: ALL WOMEN WILL TEST YOU. And the closer you get to them, the more they will test you at your weakest moments. My wife loves to shit test me when I'm high. Yep, when I'm trying to get my relax on, smoke a little weed and just contemplate life on my front porch, that's when she decides to come out and ask me all sorts of weird personal questions. Or start a relationship conversation. They do it, it's uncanny, and you have to always be ready; or at least remove yourself when you know you are vulnerable.

These little moments of shit testing and frame shifting can add up, until one day you wonder why she doesnt suck your dick like she used to, why is she gaining weight, why is she giving you attitude all the time, etc. It's a lot like being cold when you are outside: it is much easier to stay warm than to get warm.

Leadership in a marriage is a crucial, critical skill to master. It's not even so much a skill as it is a discipline you practice. Even the icons have beta moments in their marriage/LTRs, I guarantee you. You just arent privy to them.

While I'm far from an expert, I think there are some basic tenets on marital leadership that maybe I'll touch on in another post. But to be honest, there is nothing new under the sun. It starts with an extreme ownership of your life. None of us are reinventing the wheel here; we are just repackaging timeless wisdom and making it applicable to modern times.

I dont believe marriage in and of itself is bad. When done correctly, I actually believe it is a net positive; good for the individual and good for society. Whether or not you chose to marry or remarry is up to you. There is no right answer, but dont believe that avoiding marriage absolves you of these trials. Sure, you remove some legal risk. But eventually you will be confronted with these laws, and you and you alone have to pony up.

Peace!

TL;DR: If there is a leadership void in your marriage/LTR, your woman will fill it, and it will never be to your benefit. You will always be tested, even if you do everything right, and usually at your weakest moments. Avoiding marriage does not absolve you of these laws.