Background: have 5 kids, was in a 20 year marriage that's now over, late-40's.

Married the first real girlfriend I ever had and I thought I was set for life. Solid 8 in looks. Daily bible-reading church girl, n-count of 1. Good small family whom I got and get along with. None of that ultimately mattered. We met in grad school when I had already a signed offer letter from a blue-chip firm with a great starting salary. In hindsight she of course was looking to lock down a controllable beta bux. And so this marriage was ultimately destined to fail if and when I veered off the path she had in mind for me.

Things went off the rail pre-RP about 6 years ago when I finally had enough of the corporate life, working for other people, putting up with the PC nonsense, keeping my nose down and waiting to fully enjoy a self-actualized life when I hit 60 or something and retire. So I up and quit my job, devoting myself full-time to (in not necessarily this order): hobbies, managing our investments (that were largely on auto-pilot and spitting off enough income to get by at a decent level), actively participating in raising our kids and spending time with my wife.

It's been a great six years for me. Cross-country adventures, great hobbies and sports, bro time, being with my kids every step of their way. But the bitchiness really stepped up. She'd been bitchy for years (in a "my way or I'm making everyone's life unbearable" way) but it was turning into regular cuntiness. I led the family in many ways (vacations, finances, owning shit at home, being pretty social, etc.) but did not lead the family or my life in ways that mattered to her (but not at all to me), such as making a big salary, driving a fancy car, wearing a suit and tie to work, working regular office hours. Finally, about 1.5 years ago things changed. She started showing unmistakable signs of a branch swing. Called her on it. Stumbled onto Rollo, Heartiste and MRP. Had a reconciliation, hysterical bonding sex, you name it. But it was all just a band-aid. About six months ago she asked if I wanted to continue like this (i.e., her having my balls in her handbag). I said fuck no. We agreed to wrap things up.

The divorce paperwork is now 100% agreed and signed and sent to our state for processing. Hasn't been stamped by a judge but that's just pro forma at this point. Move out date is about 6 to 8 weeks out. We live in an apartment so I agreed to move, probably within 2 miles or less for school district reasons, etc. Waiting to generate some cash, and pay off all debt, from a pending asset sale before that happens. It can be awkward between us, I'm not sure and don't ask who if anyone she is talking or meeting with, I don't like the feel of the couch, but it's a temporary condition and I can deal with it for a bit longer.

Just wanted to share a few points for the guys in case anyone finds it useful.

  1. I got the divorce terms down to paying a token $125 a month total for child support. No alimony. 50% asset split which hurts obviously. 50:50 on custody which of course rocks. Have many, many adventures planned with the kids. Without her and the constant harping, it will be so much more fun for all of us.

  2. She used an attorney and paid about $2k total. I was pro se. I had a few FREE consultations with divorce attorneys late in the process (why'd I wait? dunno) and I will join the chorus and HIGHLY RECOMMEND all you mf's do the same if you're even kind of in the same boat as I was. Like many of you, I have friends who have been ass-raped in divorce and a judgment resulting in me paying a couple of thousand dollars a month didn't seem that far-fetched. As a result, I had initially agreed with my ex that I would pay $700 a month total plus 100% of medical and dental until the kids were 18. After the consultations, in which the attorneys I talked with after giving them our facts and tentative deal basically said I would be way-overpaying, I had enough information to sit down with her and her attorney, deflect her attorney's veiled threats of doom and gloom if I were to litigate this and get the terms I mentioned above.

  3. My ex-wife was a SAHM for all but the past 2 or 3 years. Now she works part-time. That coupled with the fact that I no longer work a job that pays bookoo $$ means I did not have to fear a divorce raping after all. I dodged a big one in that she didn't initiate this divorce a few years ago. I'd be a cube monkey until I was 65 if her timing had been better. Lesson - think long and hard about letting your wife be a SAHM. You couldn't have convinced me that wasn't a great idea when we started doing that 12 years ago, but the reality is is that you're setting yourself up for a drubbing when things change (and they will change partner).

  4. Impact on the kids? Not sure. They don't know yet as we're waiting to tell them until my move-out date is about two weeks out. I've got a lot of work to do to make sure their life isn't turned upside down and they keep on being the hard-charging and high achieving kids they are. I've tried to take 88Will88's advice and keep her as a friend and keep the whole process non-adversarial for the kids benefit and frankly my own benefit, but that hasn't gone all that great.

  5. My buddies have been helpful and mean well. Everyone is concerned about the kids, as they should be. Some of my buddies were worried about me!! Counseling, they'd ask? Do you just need to talk, they'd inquire? LOL. They have no idea. No idea what a truly free man is capable of or wants. Can't imagine ever co-habitating, let alone marrying, again. A series of short-term, overlapping relationships sounds about right.

  6. Ultimately I'm living and going to continue to live the life I want. If it was all about saving the marriage, I knew how to do that. I just wasn't interested in being married on those terms. So off I go back into the world a free man. When I got out of the Navy 25 years ago, my dad used to like to tell the story of when he was waiting to pick me up on my last day as I finished up formal out-processing at a Naval facility a couple hours from our house, i was walking towards his car, seabag over my shoulder when, without breaking stride or dropping eye contact with him, I slung that seabag off my shoulder and into the dumpster I was passing by. He was incredulous. "Don't you want your uniforms, your medals, son"? "No dad, I've got my freedom and my memories, that's all I need". Hmmmm, that reminds me, I've still got some photos albums in my closet with pictures of her scantily-clad in lingerie that she had professionally taken that I need to take out with the trash this morning....