Feeling lost. Victim puke?

alphabeta49 · 2015-11-10T23:29:09+00:00

she was worried I might cheat

we've had ups and downs since then

it's duty sex

I've seen the desire and it's just not there

juice doesn't seem worth the squeeze

(Try actually cheating. It sets you back some.)

very situation of marriage is a tingle-killer

if the kids weren't in the picture, right now I'd probably get divorced

I desperately want to cheat

She was my first. Is this all there is? Should I consider the possibility that I'll never have a fulfilling marriage?

Haha, you're me, three months ago.

DON'T FUCKING CHEAT.

Trust me. Unless you've worked your way through every single fucking dread level and have reached "get a girlfriend" level because your wife is a sex-denying harpy, any extracurricular activities will undermine your frame. You've achieved great success thus far because of your ability to discipline yourself. Cheating because you can't resist new pussy is NOT self-discipline. Trying to have both a happy marriage and a side dish is not possible unless you're top 1% alpha with diamond frame AND a screechtard wife.

Now is the time for a couple things:

Keep increasing your attractiveness. You have the first type of sex, you want the second. That's how you get it. You aren't going to get your wife any wetter by persuading her verbally. You know this, so keep going.
You need to take a good hard look at what you want. Go on an overnight camping trip to clear your head. List the pros and cons of staying married, and compare that to the pros and cons of leaving. I had to do this a few months ago, and in the end I decided that raising awesome kids that had both parents in the house was more important to me than fresh pussy. And that's on top of the already-difficult task of damage control from past affairs. But that's a decision you need to make. (I would also recommend not talking to a divorce lawyer or anything. You don't want to make the decision based on finances.)

My guess is that, even though the dread worked temporarily, she's settled back into a comfortable routine because you're not keeping the pressure up. If she really thought you'd leave her if she didn't give her absolute best sex, she'd probably give her absolute best sex. You're fucking up by 1) accepting the duty sex, and 2) not leading.

Don't withdraw from duty sex. Its not a matter of punishing "bad" behavior but rewarding exceptional behavior. Really shower the praise, emotions, affection, attention, etc. when she does show the passion you like.

It sounds like you're in good territory to be more vocal about what you want. Tell her how to dress, what to do, what you want to try. If she's willing to make you happy, your dominance and leadership might inspire horniness in her that she doesn't know is there, much less how to access.

How much duty and loyalty can you have towards someone who's good behaviour and feelings towards you are 100% a condition of your performance?

ANY interaction with a woman is conditional on your performance. The difference is you can just next them when they get irritating, whereas you can't next your wife (as easily). There are rewards to the long game though (back to the pros and cons). But the problems you have with your wife will follow you. You think that getting a divorce will suddenly make you an alpha wolf that is indifferent to the enchantments of women?

It's about what I want, what would make me happy

You hit the nail on the head right there, and its as simple as that. Will you be happier being with a new woman every week, even though your kids won't have their dad living with them? Or will you be happier raising your kids the way you want, even though you'll have to settle for hashing things out with your wife the rest of your life?

(Keep in mind, one possible solution is sticking around until the kids are grown and gone.)

I get it. The allure of a new woman is intoxicating, and on a philosophical level I'm not even sure that men were made for monogamy. I also feel like if I got divorced I would finally have the ability to become the alpha dog sex god wizard dark triad icon of masculinity that I feel is screaming inside of me. And you might be there, and your wife might be holding you back. Or you could just be in a phase where you realize what you're missing out on because of your choice to get married, and you need to make the decision to stick it out like the man you want your kids to idolize. Only you know, so take your time to logically lay it out, make your decision, and stick with it.

Oh, and fucking delete your Tinder account. You don't have the self-control to resist, the fire is too tempting not to touch. Or you'll resist but get wistful. There's always more girls out there. Knock that shit out.

its-iceman · 2015-11-10T22:44:35+00:00

You sound like a ship without a rudder.

You're putting the allure of new pussy on a pedestal. You have Tinder matches? What kind of bullshit is that? It may not be a popular opinion here, but if you want to be married, then don't fuck other women. If you want to fuck other women, don't be married. There's a big difference between dread stages and keeping your game in line, and actually setting yourself up with other women to fuck.

You need to decide what you want before you just aimlessly wander into some shitty one night stand.

cholomite · 2015-11-10T23:04:48+00:00

Newsflash. All those hot sluts on tinder would treat you just like your wife if you had married them and knew them for as long. AWALT and your wife and those tinder girls are women. It's not your wife, it's you. You're the reason your wife treats you like she does, and those other girls would treat you the same way if they knew you like your wife does. The only real question here is do you want to stay with your wife now that you know the truth and can envision your full potential? Maybe you can get a hotter girl, a younger girl, whatever. I'm not going to tell you not to cheat, I'll just say that cheating can fuck up your frame because your not owning your shit and you'll have secrets and shit that you're not man enough to admit and own. I felt your same way, and I decided to stick with my girl and after a few months of frustration and not giving a fuck if we stayed together my attraction for her just came back. Maybe it was her finally seeing this new me was for real, maybe it was me being able to see all the effort she was putting in at the gym, or at home, just to please me, whatever, it doesn't matter. That's the path I chose and at this point I'm glad I did. Figure out what you want and go for it, just be wary of the possible repurcussions.

Sepean · 2015-11-11T08:44:48+00:00

I'm not asking for advice on how to improve things: I know exactly how to improve them.

This sounds like bullshit. If you know how to improve things, why aren't things better?

I had a period with what you were experiencing. My wife is your classic low self esteem, high performing miss perfect. She's scared to let anyone down, scared that anyone will think she does anything wrong, scared to trust anyone that might let her down. When at a dinner party people ask her what she does for a living, she almost clams up and hardly says anything about her awesome job. With sex, it was the same. She was in this shell where she was scared that I'd think she looks or sounds stupid or ugly, and scared that if she began to like she'd get hurt when I left her (low self esteem people think like that).

Like you said, that and the shit tests killed a lot of my desire, and I'm sure that didn't help anything either.

I assume that you have read SGM and put it to practice. If not, you need to do that.

If you are fucking her SGM-style, my advice is:

Meditate on how shit tests are foreplay. Treat it like foreplay, not like something you get annoyed but as an opportunity to tease your wife in a way that makes her horny.
Fuck her like you don't care if she's into it. I found some good inspiration in Foxy Di's First Anal Quest.
Once that is done, you're re-established as a sexy, dominant alpha rather than mr. hot husband who is annoyed with her and unattracted to her and only gives her duty sex. Now it is time to command her out of her shell. Tell her to look you in the eyes when she's blowing you, to use her tongue, twist her head, lots of spit, to moan. Tell her to get on all fours and hollow her back and strut her ass so you can get a good look at her pussy and ass. Tell her to put on a show. Get her slutty lingerie and pumps too high to walk in.
If she doesn't comply, put on your pants and leave the bedroom (not butthurt, just indifferent; you got better stuff to do). My wife completely blew a casket and the day after she smashed a plate on my desk right in front of me in a fit of rage. But it worked. She got out of her shell and became much more fun in bed.

You're the man. Whatever the reason - maybe she's petrified to do something wrong, scared to come out of her shell, or she senses you're not enjoying yourself - it is on you as the man to lead her. You need to bring the desire, you need to push her out of her comfort zone.

irateMD · 2015-11-10T23:43:45+00:00

Shit tests are foreplay. Your Tinder matches will shit test you just as much, if not more. If that's a turn off then you are out of luck.

Why isn't she enjoying sex? Sex God Method emphasizes DEVI, but that's not all it says. Do you know what gets her off? Are you getting her there?

rurpe · 2015-11-10T22:43:03+00:00

you want me to tell you what would make you happy?

turbosympathique · 2015-11-11T16:31:29+00:00

This isn't about how to fix my marriage. It's about what I want, what would make me happy. And I just don't know...

You really need to meditate on what you want for the rest of your life. Find sometime alone and make the conscious effort to figure it out.

Most of us if not all of us have been in yours shoe.

RPcoyote · 2015-11-11T15:04:57+00:00

Alphabeta49 and Sepean had strong advice here. In addition to that:

I'd say definitely meet with an attorney. See and explore what that path would be like. It's not pretty but you're a cold rational male so you need to know what you're playing with. I advocate knowing, not keeping head in sand. Divorce and life afterwards are HUGE and it would be foolish not to explore and depict &plan that life in as much detail as you can so you can then decide what you want.
I used to be on tinder too. Give that shit up. It's hugely distracting, fuck it's even addictive and it overall weakens your game. It's not real. And when you do start actual flirting it's a very slippery slope and I do not recommend it at all.
If you get a chance to travel on business and have some fun on the side with no planning or strings attached - I'd say go for it. I did it and not only had a blast but it upped my confidence at home in commanding my wife in bed and things like that. So I am completely open minded with regard to "cheating" but at same time I do not go about looking for pussy and jeopardizing my marriage and my resolve on my home turf. If it happens in a place where I am anonymous and I then don't have to complicate my life - great. I view it as good practice and learning experience. It's living in accordance with nature. Men were meant to fuck not be monogamous.
Strongly encourage the lone hiking trip - I may do one myself soon.
Look around. I guarantee you that as much as you think "you got this" you don't. There's shit that has to be fixed around the house, things you can do at work to be better and things you can do with your kids to make them stronger and deepen your connection with them. Right now you're wasting mental energy on "what if" classic grass is greener on other side bullshit. But if you stop and look and really keep improving and importantly do the shit sepean suggests to dominate the heck out of your woman and turn her in your personal slut she wants to be - there's more upside than in the divorce+plates scenario.

Good luck.

theultmatecad · 2015-11-10T23:21:46+00:00

Its ok not to know next steps. But why am I involved exactly? What did.I.just read??

Title	Feeling lost. Victim puke?
Author	rpthay
Upvotes	11
Comments	21
Date	November 10, 2015 10:34 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3sc01x/feeling_lost_victim_puke/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/feeling-lost-victim-puke.200735 https://theredarchive.com/post/200735

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