Disclaimer: I am NEW. In Oct of 2014 I had an epiphany about my marriage of 25 yrs that basically was: my wife has no desire for me and I am fucked regarding what I wanted for my marriage, let alone my sex life. I was blue through and through and knowing nothing else, went into major grief cycle because all I could see was the loss of everything I had hoped and worked for. That lasted for all of 2015, I spent months trying to pull myself together. In Dec of 2015 I stumbled on NMMNG, found a men's group run by a Glover trained therapist and starting grieving a different loss, the loss of my world view. Started going to men's group in Jan, Read both MMSLP & MAP in Feb along with Rational Male years one, two and three, 16 commandments of poon, book of pook and a boatload of stuff here at MRP and from the side bar...I have been voracious. About 50% through BPP's book. I now have copies of The Way of the Superior Man and WISNIFG, just starting them. Just started going through the MRP wiki, so I am still absorbing things.

Background: M49, W50, 4 kids, married 26 yrs now, sex has been a hassle for years but not dead just passionless and not nearly frequent enough for me. Life was complicated with a 10 yr long "illness" for my wife that turned out to be caused by some emotional baggage from her childhood (all symptoms disappeared in Q1 2015 when she dug up some old emotional garbage). She has been to counseling but still working on it. During this illness she was almost bedridden for 3 years and I was pretty much a single parent. I just figured it was the "for better or worse" clause in action but it broke my spirit. Sex was the worst in quality and quantity during that period ending in Oct 2014.

My resentment and frustration boiled over in 2015 . Yeah, I know....my fault, but I didn't realize that until I read NMMNG and then I found some direction. Right now I am struggling with an anger phase, hoping that I am starting to put it behind me.

I freely admit that I am my own problem, that my "fate" has been my own fault. Working on it. I am unplugging, not unplugged.

My Itty Bitty Experiment: I am still absorbing, but I figured I would try something out of the ordinary.

I was helping with a dinner for a group of women that my wife works with. I know all of these women from previous interactions and they all know me, so no one was a stranger.

My wife had set her things at one of the tables before I got there. I walked over and parked myself at the table next to where her stuff was. (I know, right! Radical stuff!) She wanders over and:

W: "Didn't you see my stuff? My stuff is over here...you are at the wrong table"

M: "You can sit there with your friends"

W: "What are you going to do?"

M: "I figured I would sit here with these other women and converse" (gestured at the women mingling around)

W: "Oh just come and sit with me"

M: "No, you sit with your friends. I'm good"

W: silence..."People will think that's weird that you aren't sitting with me"

M: "I don't think so" (went back to reading my ebook...BPP's book in fact)

W: more silence...then gathered her stuff up from the other table and plopped down next to me without a word. No grimace, no disgusted look, nothing really. I suppose I should note that in the past I probably would have just moved to her table.

A few minutes later we got up and mingled and 3 things happened that had not happened for many years, certainly not in quick succession:

  1. SHE came up and put her arm around me and snuggled in a bit

  2. SHE reached out and held my hand while we wandered

  3. Before we sat down for dinner SHE turned and put her arms around me and gave me a kiss

Look, I know it's kind of lame, but this had not happened for a long time. Unfortunately no sex would be forthcoming later due to shark week (and I am not yet in a position to push that envelope). And really, I have not changed enough via lifting or anything else to have this be anything more than a one off right now.

What did this prove? Nothing. What did this change? Nothing. Was it just pure chance? Maybe. Am I done/arrived/reached new heights of RP awareness and game? NO!

It did give me one interesting experience, one data point and I am kind of intrigued by that. I also realize that this is coming off as very OI and I know it…working on it...unplugging, not unplugged, still clinging to old thought patterns and covert contracts.

I am developing my MAP, fleshing in details and goals, going to men's group weekly and trying to change my thinking and deepen my understanding, get my anger purged and INTERNALIZE.

I have a long, long row to hoe here, gents..."game" seems so far away for me right now. 25 years of living as His Royal Blueishness has a price to pay. My journey is just beginning. I will continue to lurk for the coming months and absorb.