Last night I was talking to my wife about a book I was reading, part of a men's group (blue pilled church thinking). I was frustrated with it. They were steering these men in the absolute wrong, and terrifying, direction. "You struggle with sexual immorality simply because you were born into it, because men are pigs (see, all the wives agree), and you need to monk-up to protect yourself and please your wife. You need to be more like your wife, look how pure she is, like snow." Wrong answer. Wrong problem.

Our discussion was brief (less of a back and forth, and more of me sharing some thoughts), and at the end I said simply - "I love sex, but I do not NEED sex". Cool, seems like a strong stance. I'm happy about my frame here - not my frame just in the moment, but in life. Its a good frame. I am not a slave to sex.

This, admittedly, is a new concept for her. She knows beta me. Shackled to sex, leg humping me. Following her around, pleasing her for sex me.

That's not me anymore. Because I have removed my need for sex. Not my love of or desire of, just my need.

Enter Hamster.

Wife goes to the restroom, comes back, agitated. "Anon, I don't know about all these changes, I cant keep up with you." Nervous, hamster, nervous.

What happened?

She lost power. And she knew it, in that instant, she lost power. And it terrified her.

I held frame, joked with her, picked her up like a child, kissed her, and put her in bed. This morning I was greeted with the most passionate kiss from her I have ever received in the morning. She needed me. So I told her I would have her tonight.

Men. YOU ARE NOT SLAVES TO SEX. Own your shit, all of it.

EDIT

This concept of not needing sex was an internal acceptance, which I realize would have been better kept internal. Is there a benefit I will see from sharing this with her? Possibly, but at my point in the journey I accept that it is probably better to not take that chance. Trying to throw curveballs when you can barely hit the mit consistently.

Also, the concept isnt that a man shouldnt desire sex, but that a perceived need for sex does not control you. Sex is not a finite resource that we should be chasing after, dedicating our lives to. Sex will come as you become better.