This is my second post now on MRP, I've been lurking around and reading some good high quality stuff. I will say that it's a bit more refreshing to be here rather than on TRP.

I've been lifting and reading, doing healthy hobbies, and keeping myself busy; however, I am struggling with Monk Mode. I crave the comfort of my LTR or Plate. Worst part is that although I let it go(Plate), she keeps coming around. She wants to be a Plate "and see where it goes." I know that shit is nonsense, but even though I know that, the illusion of it keeps my hamster turning. Which is why I know I can't be in it right now. But damn it's hard.

Sometimes I feel really stupid, you know? Purposely making myself suffer, not enjoying the moments right now that I have available to me. Forcing myself to be alone, when it's not natural. Sometimes I regress a bit and just want to come out of Monk Mode. But for now, I'm holding strong. I know that ideally, I should be happy alone, or at the very least clear-headed.

I speak to some of my friends about it, and they've asked me why I'm doing monk mode. They just go girl to girl, girl to girl, having the same stupid senseless conversations with all of them. Wondering if that is the right one, wondering how that one fucks, or sucks dick.

I think I'm an alien cause I just want something real. I'm just not sure if I'm going about it the right way. Eventually I'll get back into plates, but for now I'm trying to do the healthy thing, the "right" thing.