The push-back: "Selfish"

BluepillProfessor · 2015-05-26T14:37:07+00:00

Is this the typical pushback?

Yes.

what is the best way to deal with the selfish asshole label?

Own it- if it is, as I suspect, a simple Shit Test of your frame.

If it might be a Comfort Test take her in your arms and reassure her that you are a selfish asshole but you are HER selfish asshole.

angels_fan · 2015-05-26T15:44:40+00:00

Translation: "I'm not the center of your universe anymore and you aren't entertaining me and I can't verbally abuse you anymore and I actually have to do things for myself!!"

Although, I would caution to carve out SOME time for her as long as she is having sex with you. Reward good behavior with your affection.

fasterpussycatdie · 2015-05-26T16:01:55+00:00

Basically all of this "pushback" your getting means you're doing it right.

Be prepared to deal with the eventual affair accusation. It's coming.

ZeeyardSA · 2015-05-26T16:15:03+00:00

She asks where the old me has gone (that fucker is gone for good).

Amen

My wife also misses the Old me(her actual words - My change has been drastic though)...I hate that fucker...I killed him..and sealed him in a concrete tomb he will never be coming back...

RBuddDwyer · 2015-05-26T22:53:34+00:00

You are likely approaching one of these soon:

when she wants to have a BIG TALK ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP and she says “I don’t like how you have been acting the last [fill in the blank]…” and you look her square in the eye and shrug “you don’t have to”.

BOOOOM goes the dynamite. Relationship reset activated. #winning #welcomebacktestes #tingles

Sepean · 2015-05-26T14:35:18+00:00

Most of us got that, it is common. It is like the alpha graduation shit test. She asking "are you really an alpha, sir?"

And you're failing it. You're trying to explain and justify. Don't do that, it's a shit test.

Say something like "yeah I'm selfish and I'm going to get what I want" and grab her ass.

RedWagonChronicles · 2015-05-26T17:06:22+00:00

Have you read when I say no I feel guilty? Use a bit of fogging and negative inquiry to get her to say what she means.

In fact I used this very thing this weekend. Mine has been saying that I have been "snippy' for about two months now, and wanted to know what happened to the old me. The issue she finally got down to was that I am cocky and selfish.

I simply answered "I know".

You see it was a slow change going from where I was when we dated to my super beta self. After finding mrp the change in myself was a lot quicker, therefore more jarring for her.

Simply own it and carry on. If she wants to come along for the ride cool. If not cool. OI

Countpudyoola · 2015-05-26T17:20:02+00:00

That's a last ditch appeal to guilt when all else has failed them to reel you back under their control/frame.

Remember the moments as affirmations you are on the right track.

Not saying anything is good...also so is Agree & amplify.

"I know, right? I'm so glad I'm not married to that guy."

"It takes a lot of self focus to stay so awesome."

"What? I'm like at 25% wife level of selfishness (grin)."

"I believe in trickle down marriagonomics."

wantonton · 2015-05-26T20:11:55+00:00

Men are one of three things, creeps, assholes or invisible. Which do you want to be? Moreover, women only care about one of those types (as opposed to what the other two types can provide for her which she does care about, the provisions not the man). Which type do you think it is?

I like to say the difference between creeps and assholes is, a creep is when a woman knows what a man wants and can't stomach the thought. An asshole is when a woman can't stomach the thought that he doesn't fully want her.

coffee_and_lumber · 2015-05-26T20:44:14+00:00

Hold steady.

The testing I get falls into two categories:

1) My being out of the house more, to which I basically say nothing. (I want her hamster to rev up and consider that there's a version of me that looks better, smells better, dresses better, and who is vastly more confident and energetic just running loose all over the city.) Please note that she's recently and "coincidentally" signed up for a summer-long yoga boot camp thing.

2) "Fears" that I'll turn into a too-big meathead type dude. To this, it's agree and amplify all the way. "Yep, as always, you know me better than anyone baby. I'm gonna get on the juice and get circus HUGE", said with a dead-serious look on my face.

Shit test = fitness test. She's internally wired to try and check your resolve with these questions and comments. There's not a healthy woman on earth that would honestly want her mate to be a schlubby, weak-willed piece of shit.

The above testing was what happened at first. Since I've greatly increased the amount of caveman fucking her, captaining the ship more directly, and generally just being confident and assertive to her and to other men and women in front of her, I get almost zero shit tests anymore. Her trust in my opinions and abilities has greatly increased. I feel insanely better about my life and will never fall back to the old path.

If you know the right thing to do and what the way broadly should look like, hold true to it no matter what, not just with your wife, but in all things. If you gotta come off like a selfish asshole, but the end result is healthy, then so be it.

dandar4600 · 2015-05-26T15:18:41+00:00

Good timing on this thread. I'm getting the same type of shit testing now. She overheard me talking to a bp friend of mine where I told him that one of the things driving me to change was to become more selfish.

She of course took that and her hamster is spinning the shit out of it. I said allot of the selfish things that I'm doing are actually bettering my family like working out and eating right is a good example for my daughter and keeps me attractive to my wife. Being a good father gives me a peace of mind and satisfaction. Taking care of my home gives me a sense of pride. I don't do these things for others. I do them for myself. So in some ways being selfish is good.

She is not listening to it though. She says because I'm selfish it's somehow bad for her because somehow being selfish = being bad.

In final exasperation I lost frame and said that I may not be expressing myself correctly. If she doesn't like it, then look at what I do and not what I say and ended the conversation by walking away.

So if she comes back to me with it again, I'll keep this thread in mind.

SorcererKing · 2015-05-26T18:04:40+00:00

This shit test is designed to guilt us back into submission. The way to not let it get to you is to remember this: there are two types of selfishness (or, as it is known in philosophy, "egoism"). There is rational egoism and irrational egoism. The sociopath is the ultimate in irrational egoists; he takes what he can and doesn't care about anyone or their rights. What we do here is rational egoism; we improve ourselves and our lives for our own benefit. When we invite women into that frame they win too.

So don't pay attention to the "you're selfish" shit test. It's really a touch 'o Ye Olde Dread manifesting in your woman (which is a good thing).

Enphuego · 2015-05-26T20:16:00+00:00

You don't need to justify your actions.

If you tell someone no, and then don't give a reason there's literally nothing to argue about. The more you attempt to justify your decision, the weaker your position looks.

If your wife tells you that you are selfish, shrug your shoulders, say "OK" and then change the subject. You are being selfish.

cray-cray-cray · 2015-05-27T04:05:13+00:00

But, a frequent push-back she has been saying lately is how selfish I am. She claims it is all about me and it is not fair to her. If she is worked up, I am now an asshole.

lol. Just in the present?

All of my good LTRs could rewrite at least 2-3 years of history, where I was the biggest asshole they ever met. It could happen instantaneously, and there was suddenly an entire history of me being horrible. And it was all 100% true in her head until she liked me again, and thus, her entire history with me was suddenly re-written again.

In response, trying to say as little as possibly, I have told her I needed to make changes for me and those changes should benefit the family at large

I understand how completely obvious it seems to you, that you need to logically explain the situation and everything will be fine after she understands your reasoning, but it is almost NEVER going to work. Not to your benefit, and not to anyone else's benefit.

I also tried to flip it back on her, asking her how working out is a bad thing, or how putting more effort into work for more money and success is "selfish". At that point I just shut up and let my action speak.

Instead of trying to deal with her on a logical level, you need to deal with how she feels.

Instead of trying to deal with her on a logical level, you need to deal with how she feels.

A lot of people will say "No no no... that sounds like you're stepping into her frame," etc, etc.... Whatever. Is your goal to make her logically understand what you do and why? If so, that might be hard for you.

Let's say instead of 60 minutes of discussion + 'who the fuck knows what', you could do 2 minutes of feelings? Would you do it? Then do it. Girls care shit about logic, and 95% of them are happy feeling good while the actual house could be burning down.

InwardLooking · 2015-05-27T13:24:46+00:00

A real man sacrifices for his family.

If a man does not put his needs first and take care of himself, he won't be a real man and won't have anything to sacrifice for his family.

KyfhoMyoba · 2015-05-28T01:46:41+00:00

When you're taking flak, it means you're over the target.

Title	The push-back: "Selfish"
Author	bismarck8888
Upvotes	17
Comments	22
Date	May 26, 2015 2:11 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/37bvg7/the_pushback_selfish/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/the-push-back-selfish.201838 https://theredarchive.com/post/201838

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