How do men on here feel about circumcision?

super_n0va · 2012-04-01T17:48:41+00:00

I am circumcised. My three sons are not. I think it is barbaric to cut a piece of a baby's genitals off, and none of the reasons I've seen for circumcision are convincing. And the stupidest reason of all is your husband's. Why should my son's penis look "the same" as mine?

It's not like we walk around with our dicks out in my household anyway. Did your husband grow up in a nudist commune or something?

One thing your husband should be aware of is that the rate of circumcision has dropped precepitously to just 32.5 percent in 2009, so if he is worried that all the other boys in the locker room will make fun of your sons dick, then he should leave him uncircumcised. The era of circumcision being the default option is over.

TraianR · 2012-04-01T18:15:52+00:00

Why is it so important that they look “the same”? How often do boys stand around comparing penises with their dads?

And besides, even if they did, the size difference is (hopefully) so obvious that circumcision wouldn't fix anything.

YYBox · 2012-04-01T20:07:10+00:00

but still feels that if we have a son, he should be circumcised so that they look "the same".

If daddy got one of his legs blown off in Iraq, would it make sense to saw off one of the babies legs so that they "look the same"?

Don't circumcise ever for any reason.

super_n0va · 2012-04-01T18:00:41+00:00

He resents not having a choice in the matter, but still feels that if we have a son, he should be circumcised so that they look "the same".

Does not compute

Try to appeal to his resentment and point out that he could be causing his son to be resentful. Also, no one cares if your penis looks like your dads. I don't know what my dad's penis looks like, and I assume he doesn't know what mine looks like.

2012-04-01T23:09:06+00:00

He resents not having a choice, and then wants to turn around and deny his son the choice so his penis will "look the same"?

That's incredibly selfish and makes absolutely no sense.

Equa1 · 2012-04-01T20:30:20+00:00

No, no, no.

If your son starts asking why he's different to daddy, it can be pretty easily explained by "Daddy had a bit cut off, but we didn't want to have yours cut until you could decide for yourself.".

AryoBarzan · 2012-04-02T01:35:18+00:00

He stresses the importance of the penis to a boy, and how it could make our son feel isolated and different if he is uncircumcised. We can't seem to come to an agreement. I wan't my husband and son to bond over their manhood,

Um... Maybe I missed out on something in MY childhood, but me and my dad NEVER 'bonded over our manhood'. These pro-circumcision advocates are just getting crazier and crazier...

strangersadvice · 2012-04-01T19:12:06+00:00

I was the only uncircumcised kid in my class and it was noticed on the 5th grade overnight excursion, but it was not big deal and even if it was, I would not trade my foreskin for anything.

fondueguy · 2012-04-01T20:10:21+00:00

He resents not having a choice in the matter

Wouldn't it serve to strengthen the male body bond if your husband then gave his son the choice. It would be like "I know what its like to have me penis cut without choice, and I can see how you would feel about it too, so I won't do it".

I don't think the kid will feel an ounce of awkwardness once the dad explains it.

super_n0va · 2012-04-01T23:15:42+00:00

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5eraph · 2012-04-02T01:16:31+00:00

If you want to reason with your husband on his level, you can point to trends that indicate circumcision is becoming less and less popular, and if I'm not mistaken (have no source handy, but I'm sure someone can correct me if I'm wrong), circumcision in the US dropped to below 50% of newborns recently... So, his argument of looking the same as the other boys is invalid and won't make him feel "isolated".

I was never circumcised, but it was very widespread where I was growing up in Southern Ontario... and I've never felt isolated because of it. It never, at any point, became an issue (but that's just an anecdotal experience - I'm sure some men have).

A_Nihilist · 2012-04-01T19:22:06+00:00

Ask your husband is he would want your daughter cut if you moved to a country that still practices FGM. Does he believe "fitting in" would justify it?

rednefed · 2012-04-01T20:16:20+00:00

Unethical if done to an infant. Generally not medically necessary until adulthood, at which point a grown man can do whatever the heck he wants to his body. Anything from circumcision to castration, because he can consent.

JockeVXO · 2012-04-01T20:45:51+00:00

Aren't the majority of boys unmutilated in the west nowadays? So, I doubt he'd feel isolated or different.

Besides, if he was to feel different and want it done, then he could have it done when he makes that decision himself.

The way I see it, genital mutilation on an unconsenting child is child abuse.

You seem to be a good mother.

Wordshark · 2012-04-02T04:42:32+00:00

So I've read through your posts and comments, and I'd just like to say two things.

Every argument made by your husband (that you've mentioned) is also made to defend FGM (in fact, it is often FGM-victimized women who want it performed on their daughters).

Also, this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Harvey_Kellogg

You're a good mom. You have my support.

rightsbot · 2012-04-01T17:30:18+00:00

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2012-04-01T21:51:30+00:00

I couldn't circumcise my kid, I can't wrap my brain around cutting off part of my kid. That said I am glad I had mine done as a baby. My cousin had his done as an adult and he describes it as a "horrible awful brutal experience that lasted over a month". I don't remember mine at all. While I am glad I had mine done, by the time your kid grows up uncut will probably be the norm.

Vordreller · 2012-04-01T22:57:44+00:00

He resents not having a choice in the matter, but still feels that if we have a son, he should be circumcised so that they look "the same".

That what just about every single circumcised man will say and it's all not true. It's not about looking the same, but about fooling oneself in to thinking that what happened to you is normal, because you can do it to your child and nobody cringes. It's an instinctive attempt to justify something that happened to him over which he had no control. If he does the same to someone else and people applaud him for it, he'll be able to tell himself that what happened to him is also normal and had to happen. He'll trick himself in to agreeing to his own past treatment and therefor come to peace with it... at the cost of his child's choice. But then he'll think that because what happened to him is okay, what happened to his son is also okay. Circular logic. It works if you don't have an outside view.

Don't be angry at him for that. It's a very deep psychological pain. The sort that when you even consider the possibility, it hurts inside your chest and you want to cry. Avoiding that, even denying it exists, is an instinctive response. His head is telling him not to stop and think about the situation properly, because it will hurt. It's a safety mechanism. Help him.

2012-04-02T02:24:04+00:00

Honestly why do people care about looking 'The same' in all my years i have only seen my fathers penis once, and only for a few seconds, i don't see the big deal here, i mean is there something (as a european) i'm not getting? do American fathers and son's spend time inspecting each others ding-dongs?

JustOffendedYou · 2012-04-03T11:18:17+00:00

Okay, a lot of these comments are focussing on how asinine the "look the same thing is." I'll skip that. Straight to the... er... meat. fuck no. A thousand times fuck no. You don't cut off pieces of a baby's genitals.

Let's face it: you'd need a pretty fucking good reason to warrant doing that. And the whole tradition argument doesn't fucking... er... cut it. Explain to your - I'm sorry, I know you love him, but there are inherently parts of this that you admit to not understanding (sorry that sounded condescending, didn't mean to :) ) - fucking blockheaded husband that maybe maybe some bits of his beloved lineage may be a little anachro-fucking-nistic, and maybe maybe if he wants to do his son a favour he can remain true to the spirit of being a good, clear-headed, conscientious father instead of using really outdated reasoning to make a huge, cruel, unnecessary mistake. tl;dr: fuck no fuck no fuck no

PositiveBear · 2012-04-02T00:48:18+00:00

Before I go on, please use the "search" function in the top right corner of r/MR and search for "circumcision". This topic has been covered time and time again, both in posts and in the side bar.

Now for the discussion.

Your husband is an idiot; no offense to you, I'm sure he is a nice man and a caring husband and all of that but if his logic is "to look the same", he has no business feeding himself, let alone raising a child.

His logic, based on his comments, boils down to "circumcised penises are different than uncircumcised ones". His logic also boils down to "we should cut part of him off because he'll look different".

Do not circumcise your child. Your husband is not using logic when he considers the topic. It's highly painful for the child, it exposes them to potential harm and is based on outdated religious practices, not on scientific reason.

Also, the things Seabass341 states and the related comments are all very good pieces of advice and logic.

Thesmellofelderberry · 2012-04-01T19:58:29+00:00

I think circumcision has it's place: in the old testament. We live in America, things here are much cleaner and more sanitary, also, people here take showers everyday anyway. Circumcision was done so in the historical past because most people didn't bathe but once a month, since there wasnt much water around. Circumcisions made it so that less bacteria and fungus grew on the man's junk, and when sex was had, the women were much less likely to contract a nasty infection that was much harder to be rid of than for men.

2012-04-01T21:48:48+00:00

Does your husband have any other scars? If he has, say, a big scar on his leg, ask your husband if he thinks you should purposely injure your son's leg so it'll look the same. When (I hope) he says "no" then ask him how this is different.

I don't expect this to change his mind, but it's a conversation starter.

2012-04-01T22:14:03+00:00

If your son is old enough to feel isolated for having a different looking penis than his dad, he shouldn't be looking at his dad's penis anymore.

EricTheHalibut · 2012-04-01T20:07:28+00:00

I don't like discussing circumcision on this subreddit because it seems like it quickly devolves into people using overly expressive terms in an attempt to sway someone's opinion, or to ridicule others. One example is referring to it as "mutilation", which, while technically accurate, is not the best term for it when you take into account its a) prevalence, and b) acceptance by American society as a whole. I'm not going to express my opinion on the practice but I am damn tired of being called "mutilated" because my parents opted to have a discretionary procedure done to me while I was an infant. Am I also mutilated because they cut my fingernails and toenails? What about my hair?

LordGrey · 2012-04-01T19:44:14+00:00

I've never understood the hubbub about male circumcision. I am circumcised and it has never once bothered me in my entire life. I rarely even think about it and don't ever feel that "Some horrible people mutilated my genitals when I was a baby."

Do you know what I remember when I was a baby? Not much. Certainly not my circumcision. I am not harmed by it. I'm technically not helped by it either I suppose. One less place I need to worry about cleaning? XD

All in all, I think there are more important things to worry about than the "barbarism" of circumcision.

super_n0va · 2012-04-01T19:12:48+00:00

About the same as I feel about folks who don't use the search function to ask obvious, repetitive questions.

CaptainRandus · 2012-04-01T18:19:38+00:00

it's not mutilation. It's just snipping off a bit of skin. If anything, it will be easier for him to keep it clean... Besides that, it's really nothing. The baby feels about as much pain as they do getting a needle.

It's unnecessary, but theres nothing really wrong with it.

AryoBarzan · 2012-04-02T01:09:43+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2012-04-02T00:05:42+00:00

I likes my circumcised penis.

Wheash · 2012-04-02T02:11:18+00:00

Circumcission is so when a guy pees the piss doesn't get held back and fester in his penis. So if you want your kid to have a festering penis then don't get him circumcised.

Eryemil · 2012-04-02T01:34:10+00:00

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murriemurrie · 2012-04-01T18:17:17+00:00

If you're looking for something objective...circumcision is being used for AIDS and other STD prevention in Africa and it appears to lower transfer rates to sexual partners. And there are other ways to circumcise besides cutting the foreskin off.

I've talked to some of the women I've dated about it, and they at least say to me they prefer uncircumcised men (Granted, they could just be saying that because I happen to be cut). Ask your girlfriends. Ultimately, I believe that's where it's going to be the most significant issue for your potential boy. Not in the locker room. I've never heard a girl knock a circumcised penis, I have heard a lot of complaints about guys that arent.

This is about an alternative method and the potential benefits to men AND their female partners: http://www.science20.com/news_releases/shangring_new_male_circumcision_device_for_hiv_prevention

This is about its relation to lower STD rates: http://www.aidsmap.com/Circumcision-reduces-HIV-incidence-in-Ugandan-men-and-herpes-prevalence-in-South-Africans/page/2281961/

Title	How do men on here feel about circumcision?
Author	super_n0va
Upvotes	14
Comments	127
Date	April 1, 2012 5:28 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/ro66g/how_do_men_on_here_feel_about_circumcision/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/how-do-men-on-here-feel-about-circumcision.1024868 https://theredarchive.com/post/1024868

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