From Movember's research director on LinkedIn (text below). Interested in your thoughts.

TeaOnHer emerged this week as a direct retaliation to the Tea app, allowing men to anonymously share photos and ratings about women they've dated. The app is now the #3 most downloaded app in the world with frightening data leaks already reported. The speed of TeaOnHer's rise reveals how primed audiences are for vehicles of grievance, driven by prevalent narratives from men and masculinity influencers. This isn't just about bad actors; it's about how technology companies monetise our relational anxieties, fuelling digital gender warfare masquerading as safety tools.These apps exploit a profound crisis of trust in modern intimate relationships, where legitimate safety concerns collide with deep-seated fears of violence, rejection and judgment. Both genders are responding to real vulnerabilities - women to the undeniable risks of dating violence, men to the social isolation and reputational precarity they increasingly talk about with us. Both platforms transform the intimacy of dating into a public tribunal under the guise of advice giving. The promise of "safety through transparency" ignores how unverified crowdsourcing creates its own forms of violence. We're seeing the gamification of reputation destruction, where the most sensational claims gain traction regardless of truth. This particularly impacts marginalised men who already face stereotypes, and women whose legitimate concerns get lost in the noise.These apps don't just reflect gender tensions - they actively manufacture them. Young men absorbing content about Tea internalise a narrative of female persecution. Young women seeing TeaOnHer's emergence have their fears of male retaliation confirmed. We're creating feedback loops where defensive positioning becomes the default mode of relating. The algorithms that promote engagement reward the most inflammatory content, turning nuanced experiences into binary battles.Both platforms normalise using digital spaces for interpersonal conflict resolution rather than established support systems. The hypervigilance these apps encourage - constantly monitoring for threats or accusations - creates a state of chronic stress that undermines the very relationships we're trying to protect.We need a different path forward. The relationships we actually want - built on mutual respect, genuine connection, and trust - cannot emerge from platforms designed for surveillance and retaliation. As someone who works with male survivors of abuse and men struggling with accountability, I know the answer isn't silencing anyone's experiences. But it also isn't creating parallel systems of harm. Real accountability and real safety require something these apps can't provide: context, nuance, and paths toward repair.The path forward requires courage to step out of the retaliation cycle and into genuine dialogue about creating safety for everyone.