Another advice thread -- depressed, incel, need direction...

goatismycopilot · 2014-09-22T12:01:59+00:00

My question is if OP is very depressed why not seek treatment for that rather than delve into an either/or choice of bathing in sex and women or living a monastic life? The fact that only those choices are presented suggests unresolved conflict/issues/idenity that counseling might possibly address. Ultimately most people who are contented do not rely on external validation, ultimately it matters less what that external validation is than the drive to obtain it. I am not TRP if that matters.

RadaNotaTaakaDaPills · 2014-09-22T11:51:52+00:00

It's probably better to get into a better state of mind first. Existential crises can really get to people.

Like you said, things could be worse. You could be three years younger, completely socially inept, fat, and be like your vanilla nerd virgin. Like me. So you still have that going for you.

At the very least, I'd like to think that I'm content to wake up and continue the daily work grind. Eat, sleep, work, and repeat.

soylentblueissmurfs · 2014-09-22T14:06:04+00:00

Happiness, in my experience, comes from sharing good times with friends. If you are clinically depressed that likely stops you from getting both friends and women and if you do to enjoy them. Have you given medication an honest shot? To be honest I've never met a depressed patient with the drive to maintain a body like yours. You look like a 10/10 guy, what do you do to drive women away?

Red Pill philosophy is not a cure for mental illness.

Those_Who_Remain · 2014-09-22T12:22:18+00:00

Neither, you should pursue seeking help in order to help you deal with your current mindset. It's most likely holding you back the most.

[deleted] · 2014-09-22T17:12:21+00:00

Just saying, if you aren't a troll, you have some real problems man.

Don't worry about this gender-dynamics bullshit. If that's really your body you can make a tinder account and get laid every damn day if that's what you want.

It sounds like your real problem is that you don't know what you want and you don't know what will make you happy. Guess what, nothing will make you happy...you have to decide what it is that you want out of your life and pursue it. If you do that, happiness might find you when you least expect it.

babyguineapig · 2014-09-22T11:38:04+00:00

Firstly; get rid of the picture, as you've putting yourself at risk of being doxxed. Secondly, get yourself some therapy. Forget sex, forget romantic relationships; spend some quality time with yourself and be gentle on yourself. Study, spend time with your friends and on your hobbies, find some new hobbies. Try mountain climbing or scuba diving, take yourself out of your comfort zone.

Romantic relationships won't happen in a meaningful way until you heal yourself.

[deleted] · 2014-09-22T13:54:13+00:00

You've got a much bigger - though more personal - problem than inter-gender dynamics and the social, economic, political, and evolutionary conditions that led to those dynamics.

You're depressed. If you think psychiatry and psychology are fraudulent, then go read some books. Kierkegaard, Camus, Marcel, Sartre, Walker Percy, Shakespeare, writers who focus on the human condition and the problem of discerning meaning within it.

Go to church. If you don't like it, don't go back.

And like others have said, other people could help. A social circle. I don't think other people are the answer to life the universe and everything (nor do I think l'enfer c'est les autres) but why not?

Maybe life is meaningless and you're doomed to be miserable because you've taken a peep through the periscope and seen that there's nothing on the surface besides the surface. Or maybe not. But the red pill, or blue pill folk psychology, or purple debate, is not the answer.

homo_homini_lupus · 2014-09-22T15:02:27+00:00

coughBullshitcough

TRPACC · 2014-09-22T16:48:52+00:00

should I devote myself to pursuing women, and sex, and see if that makes me happy?

This won't make you happy.

The ideas like "I will be happy when I achieve x external thing" are an illusion that leads to more unhappiness.

That body you worked so hard for example - I bet you thought you'd be happy when you got it, right?

As far as mysticism goes, I recommend non duality.

TheThingsIThink · 2014-09-22T17:33:00+00:00

You have a dog? Dogs are good for depression. You go to counseling? Counseling can be good for depression. But you can't really take your counselor for walks, feel the sun and air on you and meet people at the park with a counselor.

AshleyYakeley · 2014-09-22T20:35:01+00:00

This may seem a bit off-the-wall, but, are you attracted to men at all?

VarsitySlutTeamCpt · 2014-09-23T03:32:44+00:00

There's a great video by Elliot Hulse about depression, I suggest you watch it and watch his other videos.

DevilishRogue · 2014-09-22T12:28:55+00:00

Following Red Pill doesn't make you happier, no. If anything it's quite depressing seeing how the world really works, just like in the actual Matrix movies with Cypher wanting get plugged back in things seem so bleak. It's purpose is to explain how things work, not to make you happy.

Red Pill is also about maintaining attraction, however, so there may be something there if what is happening in your life is that women are leaving you and that is affecting you. 10 months isn't much of a dry spell, not sure why you mention it. Five sexual partners is above average too.

From the limited information you've provided it appears you are judging your success in life according to terms that are unrealistic. Were I in your shoes I'd concentrate on developing a support network and friendships, a career, plans for future goals and identifying the things I enjoy now so that I can get more of them in my life.

cxj · 2014-09-22T13:45:21+00:00

Damn bro ur aesthetics are on point, mirin hard

Trorbes · 2014-09-22T13:06:25+00:00

Having sex doesn't make you happy, and from the way you call yourself incel it sounds like you dwell over your lack of it. You're stressing yourself over something unfulfilling, and the best option to fix that is to stop caring about it right now.

The problem I see is you seeking validation through sex, which is a poor way to cope with an emotional disorder like depression. Even if you get laid you'll probably still be left unfulfilled.

You need to redirect that energy into something more productive. Take up a hobby, go out and exercize, do something you feel improves yourself. Sex can wait until you're in a better state of mind. Above all though, you need to seek out help.

You should also talk to a psychiatrist if you can afford it, but I'd recommend therapy (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy esp.) as well to help work out your troubles.

[deleted] · 2014-09-22T16:33:57+00:00

Therapy + making more friends + finding out what you are passionate about + doing everything you can to push yourself to be a better person. Seriously though, therapy, that shit is helpful, even if you think it isn't. Change your mindset and you will realize that life can be absolutely amazing, learn to make the best of a bad situation, it's a skill.

powerkick · 2014-09-22T17:37:29+00:00

You should devote yourself to finding a decent therapist. They can help you out far better than we can. You're right, sex definitely won't relieve your depression and can be an unhealthy way to attempt to do so.

[deleted] · 2014-09-22T18:10:38+00:00

There's more to life than sex.

Is there anyone in this sub who is living a happy, celibate life, in solitude?

Hell, I wonder if I am? I have a day job so I have to go outside and interact with people - I'm not a monk. But I live alone, and what sex I have is RARE. Last time I had sex was about a year ago. The time before that was about 7 years ago.

I interact with all different kinds of women - women I'm attracted to as well as women I'm not attracted to. I suppose I am celibate because sex with women that are available to me rarely seems like it is worth the trouble. "Single, sane, attractive - pick two," as the saying goes.

The things that make me happy, hopeful, and optimistic: I stopped drinking alcohol and caffeine. I play music and I'm in a metal band. I exercise at least 5 times a week. I live in the town I want to live in. I still collect Legos.

As far a women and sex go, I dove as far as I could into PUA videos and books. I have a couple of favorite gurus and I take their advice very seriously. I'm not cranking out the numbers yet since I haven't been laid in over a year, but I've noticed "some" results and things seem to be headed in the right direction. I've spent the last 5 months trying to improve my body posture. Quitting drinking has reduced my beer gut. Decaf living helps me sleep at night. Your body is waaaaay ahead of mine, OP. I'm "cute" but not chiseled.

Interestingly, there are guys like you with your body type that get into the porn industry precisely because of the confusion and depression you're experiencing with your lack of sex and lack of women. You think you should have a good chunk of the pie, but you don't, and you don't understand why/how/why and it doesn't seem fair at all does it? Hell dude, you look like the alpha guy that all the TRPers are talking about, but from your post it would indicate you are a false-positive. You're likely accused of heterosexual hedonism you never got a shot at committing.

EDIT

I have no friends. Maybe I should work on that.

Eish! I just saw that comment you made. Well, what can I say I'm sort of in that boat. I have some friends maybe 3, and I'm friendly with a shit-ton of acquaintances. But damn if I don't have a lot of alone time.

Another thing about PUA is it doesn't just help you with women, you'll notice being friends with men will be easier too.

GridReXX · 2014-09-22T18:36:23+00:00

from both those who would describe themselves as red pill, and those who would not.

For one I appreciate that you are mindful enough to not lump everyone who doesn't agree with the attitudes of TRP as "blue pill."

The last time I had sex was on New Year's Eve 2013 -- so, almost 10 months ago.

I didn't have sex for almost two years and was sort of indifferent about it. Seems you are too. So I'm going to say sex isn't the problem here.

Note: I am 5'8", 157 pounds. I have taken my body about as far as I can go, naturally see picture.

Also based on your picture and height, I'm going to say your physical appearance isn't the problem. I almost think this may be ^fake because of the photo...

depressed, incel...

This is the problem. What exactly about your current situation is depressing you? Why do you consider yourself involuntarily celibate? You may benefit from a decent therapist. I have a therapist and I don't even consider myself depressed or stressed. Sometimes it's just good to get a 3rd party objective view of your life and how you interpret situations.

If you can answer these questions, I'll reply more about "approach," "confidence," and "presentation."

17b29a · 2014-09-22T21:30:29+00:00

I'm a fairly happy virgin ^__^ You should probably see a therapist though, or find something cool to do

atlantic68 · 2014-09-23T21:34:12+00:00

obvious troll being obvious

pstatwork · 2014-09-22T14:08:50+00:00

TO START I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ANYTHING :P

So to start, like you i don't find sex fun, but in those people the chemical release still happens, so the basic act of repetitive sex will bring you more joy in other aspects of your life. It will also get rid of pesky head aches haha.

Will the effort put into getting laid on a regular basis make you happy? Probably not, judging by my reading of the red pill many guys who do have a serious need for sex say they are left feeling unfulfilled after 5-10 years of tons of fun.

So skip the chase and go straight for an end goal. Like you I at one point was depressed for no real reason, I had everything going for me. Simply put I was failing not in life but failing in realizing what I wanted from life.

I had the wrong career, the wrong friends, and the wrong lover. I still have the wrong career but thats because money is worth some pain. the rest was all about realizing and fixing, it was a lot to change. Growing up I thought I was introverted because my friends were introverted and I was terrified of losing any friends.

Turns out I'm a total extrovert nature junkie who hates video games and watching tv. My family also gave me negative reinforcement because they were highly judgemental, moving out and leaving them behind was great for me also.

It was a lot of work joining sports teams and trying hard to build new friendships but it was totally worth it. I am happy now, I still don't find sex amazing either but I do notice that when I have it regularly I'm better.

Or it could be chemical imbalance in your brain... maybe a doctor can help fix that one... luckily for me it was just i was living life wrong, still drug free!

Plugawy_Nedznik · 2014-09-23T08:06:13+00:00

Is there anyone in this sub who is living a happy, celibate life, in solitude? I would like to hear from you.

I do, but I'm crazy. Are you crazy? If you were you wouldn't make this thread.

Title	Another advice thread -- depressed, incel, need direction...
Author	IncelMystic
Upvotes	6
Comments	70
Date	September 22, 2014 11:22 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/2h4894/another_advice_thread_depressed_incel_need/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/another-advice-thread-depressed-incel-need.284799 https://theredarchive.com/post/284799

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