I'm of the opinion that in dating, standards are non-negotiable and should never be compromised. Where I have issues is when preferences get conflated with standards and elevated to the same level of importance.

For example, I prefer shorter brunettes who enjoy outdoor activities like I do. However, my standards include things like honesty, compassion, and mutual respect. A woman could fulfill all my preferences but lying, cheating, or persistent lack of respect would disqualify her immediately because of my standards for how I'm treated in relationships. I view preferences as nice-to-have, but negotiable vs. standards that are essential and non-negotiable. Preferences are about the other person; standards are about me.

I think confusion comes from people listing things that should be preferences as standards. This crops up most often in the laundry list of dating do's and demands that appear on Tinder (i.e. must be 6', must make 6 figures, no men of X race) and dating frustration seems to come when people refuse to compromise preferences under the guise of "high standards".

My question for this sub is how do you differentiate standards vs preferences in a relationship? Do you make a distinction between the two? Is it different between men and women? Do you feel your standards for a relationship are reasonable and attainable? Do you hold yourself to the same standards you expect your potential mates to have?