How does disability affect someone's attractiveness and potential to be a partner?

UA_Hammer · 2016-03-07T00:39:03+00:00

Women: significantly reduced ltr prospects. Tinder is still a go.

I have some first hand experience with the male side of this. Long story short I'm supposed to be bed ridden right now.

alreadyredschool · 2016-03-07T00:59:31+00:00

Niche market! Find a woman with a helper complex.

Also develop some charisma.

GoldPilot · 2016-03-07T02:07:46+00:00

I knew a guy with Tourette Syndrome, and he had no problem with ladies. He did have to explain what his tic was to potential partners though, but beyond it, he was a very charming and insightful guy.

He was also a spectacular actor though, and worked a lot in live theater. When he got into the zone, he could keep his tic at bay. That might have helped.

I'd date someone with a disability, as long as the learning curve for taking care of them isn't too steep. But, that would depend on how much I was invested in them as a person.

LucilioVanini · 2016-03-07T04:04:35+00:00

It really depends on the type of disability. I am casually acquainted with a guy who is stuck in a wheel chair. He's about 26 and flew out of the country to lose his virginity to a legal prostitute. I'm not certain but I am pretty sure he has never had a girlfriend.

I think the disabilities that make it super challenging are ones that almost completely limit your physicality. I would say facial disfigurement or severe scarring/burns make it incredibly challenging as well. But nothing is impossible I suppose.

On the other hand, even traits that seem like it would be impossible to compensate for are not really as bad as people think. I'm not sure if this technically qualifies as a disability, but I recently started working with a guy who has dwarfism. He is engaged to a decent looking gal. It's not like this dude looks like Peter Dinklage either, he seems to have an average, maybe slightly above average face. But he's 4'4 and he's landed a 5'5 girl who is fit. This makes me think that if your dick works, you are mobile, and you have the ability to be self-reliant with very little accommodations, women can still be attracted to you.

I figure it's pretty much the same for women, with mobility being less of an issue for how men perceive attractiveness and facial disfigurement being more of an issue.

I think this is one of those cases where no gender has a clear advantage. Men sort of do, in the sense that you can make a lot of money and be a provider for some desperate broad. But even severely disabled/disfigured men are still men, and all men feel pride. And if a man can only attract a woman in a shallow, "he pays the bills", kind of way, my guess is a lot of those guys would rather just not have sex than be used as a living paycheck.

hullmarch · 2016-03-07T10:12:03+00:00

Interesting question.

Never dated a woman with a physical disability but most of them have definitely been at least as fucked in the head as I am if not more.

How much disabilities affect your attractiveness depend on the disability.

If it's physical then it'll cause problems regardless of gender because you're now a pretty niche market. You'll have most luck with physically disabled members of the opposite sex.

If it's mental then it really comes down to how high functioning you are. Someone who has minor depression and is able to successfully treat it with SSRIs won't see any difference honestly. But someone with a more severe affliction will notice that they become less attractive to others who aren't mentally ill.

The main thing I notice as a guy with depression, anxiety, and all kinds of other shit besides is that all the girls I attract are even crazier than me, most have personality disorder symptoms, some have full on diagnosed BPD.

Not complaining though. Like attracts like and I get on well with other crazies. I honestly just get bored when I'm a relationship with someone too emotionally stable.

I think the main gender difference with mental illness is crazy women can very easily attract normie men while crazy men have a harder time attracting normie women if that's their cup of tea.

ozymandias271 · 2016-03-07T04:07:20+00:00

I'm fucked up in the head!

I generally prefer to date other people who are fucked up in the head, because they get it. Whenever I dated people who weren't crazy, I had to handhold them through things like "it is important to set boundaries!", and every time I talked about basic facts of my life they would get horrified, and they would get really pissed at me when we'd been dating for six months and my mental illness hadn't been fixed by the Power of Love yet. However, my fiance is NT, but he doesn't pull any of that stuff.

I don't know about how it affects people's attractiveness in general, but in my personal case I am very sexually successful and my disability doesn't seem to have changed anything.

AutoModerator · 2016-03-07T00:26:48+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair, just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

SunnyFoxes · 2016-03-07T00:39:07+00:00

If you are a women, men will still try date you with a disability.

If you are a man, women will reject you out of hand.

Assuming the same physical disability, amputated leg, for example. Women will get a lot more dates than a man would. It would suck for everyone, male or female. But it sucks slightly less for women than men.

hedonism_bot_69 · 2016-03-07T00:59:10+00:00

It depends. I think if you are a disabled girl its gonna be tougher than a dude. Luckily a dudes SMV is composed of a variety of factors as opposed to a woman.s

exit_sandman · 2016-03-07T02:30:51+00:00

No, I personally wouldn't date a mentally or physically disabled man. First, intelligence is key to me, and I need a man I can have intellectual conversations with. Second, I'm into physical fitness/weight lifting and it is imperative that my partner is too. In fact, my current boyfriend and I do powerlifting/bodybuilding together and both have physical fitness in a significant other as priorities.

Dazzler1886 · 2016-03-07T05:12:57+00:00

I went on a few dates with a deaf woman once and I found her to be incredibly attractive. The reason why our relationship didn't make it past the 3rd date was due to incompatibility and had nothing to do with her being differently abled. I have never dated a man with any disability, but I believe that I could date a physically disabled man, depending on the disability. I admit that I wouldn't be able to date someone that can't care for themselves though. I would need to feel that my partner and I were equals, not that I was his/her caretaker.

I couldn't date anyone mental disabled. Confidence, intelligence, and humor are what appeal most to me, so someone without those things would be a no go for me personally.

Interversity · 2016-03-07T07:35:34+00:00

For me, physical deformity/disability would be a pretty big issue. Mental disability would depend on the exact disability. Generally if a girl is on anti-depressants, sees a therapist regularly, etc. there's a good chance it's a no go for me.

I realize sex and relationships must kind of suck for disabled people; that said, I don't have enough pity to work past my own lack of patience for the disabled.

I often lack patience even with non-disabled people for being slow, stupid, etc. so I'm guessing I'd never be able to tolerate anyone with any severe cognitive handicap.

wombatinaburrow · 2016-03-07T08:47:22+00:00

I have known quite a few people with disabilities who have ltrs, strs, and active sex lives. It does depend a lot on the disability; someone who is an amputee will face different hurdles to someone with cerebral palsy; and blindness is a different kettle of fish to brittle bones or elher danlos.

PollaTronante · 2016-03-07T09:26:34+00:00

What kind of disability are you talking about? I was interested in a guy who only had one leg, and if you're talking about mental illness like OCD, anxiety, depression, I know many people who suffer from those.

exit_sandman · 2016-03-07T15:04:25+00:00

Would you ever date someone who was disabled?

How disabled? A girl I once had a crush on had been born with disfigured hand, but that's about it.

Mentally may be another issue; but then again I'm fairly liberal when it comes to assuming disorders (at least mild forms of them).

99_Problem · 2016-03-07T15:19:21+00:00

I have a neurological condition which affects my speech. Sometimes I can speak clearly, sometimes I can't. I've developed a whole bunch of anxiety because of it.

[deleted] · 2016-03-07T16:05:56+00:00

I know a guy with autism that legit slays with women.

He's a smart, athletic, tall, good-looking guy and he's pretty much figured out how to talk to women to get laid, maybe he read some PUA stuff or something, probably but he doesn't talk like a PUA, he's just real strange and charming.

He's legit autistic though, eats the same thing everyday and watches the same TV show for a few hours a day, has a weird gait, and unless he's trying to get laid just doesn't give a shit about how he socialises. It's not that he can't look me in the eye, dude just doesn't do it, speaks likes a robot. He gets really into the weirdest shit and then drops it and moves onto something else.

But like I said, he slays. When he's talking to women he just makes an effort to appear more normal and girls just think he's an enigmatic guy, I guess because most people don't realise that autistics can actually be good-looking too. He's not really in any social circles, he just does his own thing and doesn't go out of his way to get laid. Sometimes he goes to parties and does great but he doesn't like being around lots of people. Girls think he's strange and he misses a ton of social cues but girls don't care, he's pretty rude to people he's not friends with sometimes too. I genuinely have no idea what's up with him half the time, we just get stoned every now and again and play video games and listen to music. He's been taking a lot of acid and disappearing for ages over the past year so we don't hang as much.

Honestly, being autistic probably makes it easier for him to get laid. His game is unreal and I'm pretty sure he studies people to figure out how it all works and applies it very well, much better than me anyway, and I'm honestly pretty good. It's freaky, he's a very relaxed person in general but when he's talking to girls he wants to fuck he has this super intense aura, not a negative one, just like... dude is hunting you know.

EmpressofMars · 2016-03-08T02:19:03+00:00

I would consider most physically/congenitally disabled partners as viable potential partners. The only reservation I would have is since I date with only the intention of marriage (no flings/casual stuff) I'm not sure I would be able to handle the medical bills and stress associated with being a caretaker.

I would consider some with disabilities related to psychological issues.

I would not consider someone with mental disabilities unless the disability or impairment was very slight (like dyslexia for example).

Ghost_Hound · 2016-03-09T05:58:27+00:00

I really think it depends on the disability. I'd date someone with a speech disorder. I've actually dated a woman with a minor nervous system disorder that made her profoundly clumsy. I'd be lying if I said I'd date someone who was confined to a wheel chair. I just don't believe I could do it myself. Same with serious mental illness. I couldn't handle it.

I think a lot of it for me boils down to whether or not that person allows their issue to control them and make them helpless or if they manage to conquer life anyway. I respect that in a person profoundly.

Also I'd by lying if I said I wasn't a selfish fuck who balks at the idea of taking care of another person like I imagine I might if they were well and truly disabled.

Title	How does disability affect someone's attractiveness and potential to be a partner?
Author	hullmarch
Upvotes	3
Comments	58
Date	March 7, 2016 12:26 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/499zll/how_does_disability_affect_someones/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-does-disability-affect-someones-attractiveness.275829 https://theredarchive.com/post/275829

Comments