"Responsive desire is the growing interest in sex that occurs in reaction to sexual stimuli. Often, responsive desire is sparked by touch, physical closeness, or sexual contact."

A common issue discussed in couples therapy is "patterns of desire." Men typically have spontaneous desire, whereas women are more likely to have responsible desire.

Beyond cases of physical or mental dysfunction, I'm starting to believe this is a myth. We know, from other research, that women find 80% of men unattractive, whereas men find most women attractive.

This means that ~80% of women in relationships secretly (perhaps even to themselves?) find their partner unattractive. How could they exhibit spontaneous desire towards someone they find repulsive?

I'm not claiming that reactive arousal isn't a thing. Our bodies have automatic reactions to certain types of stimuli. (Trigger warning: SA) In the most extreme cases of assault, victims can become physically aroused, which leaves them confused and ashamed. That does not mean they wanted it, nor that they found their assailant attractive.

In short, CMV regarding:

  1. If women found their partners genuinely attractive (top 15%), they would be more likely to exhibit spontaneous arousal.
  2. "Patterns of desire" is harmful as it keeps women in relationships with people who they don't find attractive.
  3. For couples therapy, this defocuses the blame from the man, when the man could make changes to their appearance (either through exercise, surgery, or even hygiene), towards the woman.