What do you consider settling?

Creation_Soul · 2024-08-01T19:39:57+00:00

the problem is that all those aspects are very much connected and a too big decrease in one or two of them tends to breed resentment and bring the others down with it.

If you ask me, you know you settled if your reaction to your spouse is "sigh... ok" more often than not. it's ok not to be enthusiastic about everything you do with/for your spouse, but if it's for a majority of things then it's a bad sign.

AngeCruelle · 2024-08-01T22:30:53+00:00

Surrendering joy.

If your partner isn't everything you initially wanted, or at least what you thought you wanted, but they bring genuine joy to your life to the point where all of that is irrelevant, you didn't settle imo.

If your partner isn't everything you initially wanted, and you feel a sense of loss or "what could've been", you settled.

just_a_place · 2024-08-01T21:02:48+00:00

Taking what you can get instead of what you want.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-08-02T05:09:57+00:00

To me settling is dating someone you know in your heart of hearts isn't it. There's no excitement. You have to convince yourself they are good because they sound great on paper. You may not like a lot of things about them. You may like one or two qualities and have to convince yourself those are enough. It's dating someone that if you told the whole truth about them your friends and family would be like please you can do so much better. It's done because you think you cannot do better.

It's someone who does things that viscerally disgust you or annoy you. But you feel like you look past it. But just see those things that you don't like.

Settling ≠ compromising

Compromising is this person may not do XYZ. But they bring other important things to this relationship and their presence is appreciated. I like this person even though they are a 6ft tall male model. Like they are awesome on their own.

bv0724 · 2024-08-01T19:52:59+00:00

If there's someone else you'd rather be with, or you would switch to another person if the new one was better, I would call that settling. You basically have to want to be with that person, and would voluntarily choose that person to not call it settling, and it is a matter of perspective. No one is going to be absolutely perfect.

EulenWatcher · 2024-08-01T19:52:01+00:00

For me settling is dating/marrying someone who you aren't into and whose company you don't really enjoy. Maybe you think you could have found someone better, maybe you just don't really like this person although they're good on paper and you think you should like them, but the outcome is the same - you don't enjoy this relationship and you view it as a necessity you have to tolerate for some reason.

With this in mind I don't really get people who settle. If you can barely tolerate your partner from the start, how the hell are you going to live with them and raise kids for years to come?

hearyoume14 · 2024-08-01T23:32:09+00:00

I seem to be the minority. I view settling, as in settling down, to be making a decision to close the relationship and offer commitment.

I do view causal dating as dating multiple people until you find someone with whom you are compatible with. That’s when you start a committed relationship and I am use to date to marry dating.

No one person can satisfy everything for you. While having some activities in common is nice that can be fulfilled by other people.I do things that aren’t my favorite because watching someone you love light up while In their element is beautiful.

Sex can technically be but ideally that is due to non-monogamy not cheating. In a monogamous relationship that is something only a partner can give you .

Mutual love and respect are important. Assuming this is a love match relationship and not another type. Respect at the very least is needed to weather tough times.

Mental/emotional flexibility is one of the most important things. Rigidity will ruin things. I say this an AuDHDer, among other things, who has seen the fallout.

No-Eagle-76 · 2024-08-02T05:05:39+00:00

I think settling is when it impacts your day to day or crosses your mind a lot to the point where it makes you incompatible sexually, emotionally, intellectually etc. If you forget about it most of the time when at one point it was important you aren’t settling.

TheRedPillRipper · 2024-08-02T05:47:58+00:00

Is there a single category

This is entirely anecdotal, but two categories not listed but fundamental to stable, healthy relationships is first Trust, then Communication. I have seen relationships with poor trust, and poor communication last a long time. I have never seen a healthy relationship, without healthy trust, and solid communication.

In context to settling, these two facets should never be compromised on. In my experience.

Godspeed and good luck!

obviousredflag · 2024-08-03T06:57:40+00:00

I have learend on this sub, that settling means that i take a woman as a partner who is less that what i can dream of.

For me, settling is taking less than i could get in a reasonable amount of time, because it's convenient or because of restrictions that apply for the e.g. location.

Settling is just relative to what you can get. Not to what you want.

SaBahRub · 2024-08-01T20:02:11+00:00

Not getting everything you want

Which is pretty much everyone

Monogamy itself is settling

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biscuitcatapult · 2024-08-01T20:01:27+00:00

Settling is accepting a less-than or different result than originally expecting or desiring.

In the context of a relationship, that means accepting someone as a partner despite them not ticking off all the marks on your arbitrary checklist.

Settling is also relative. The person may think that they are settling for someone “not at their level,” but usually any outside perspective would tell them “no, that’s your level, you just finally got realistic with your expectations.”

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-08-01T21:55:11+00:00

Setling is if you don't love that person, if there is missing spark / chemistry / butterflies, if you just don't FEEL it. If they check every single box and more and it's just perfect on paper, but they just don't sweep you off your feet you are settling. You can't put it on paper in categories, it's about how you FEEL about it.

CraftyCooler · 2024-08-02T07:44:28+00:00

All these categories are important - though I consider plenty of women physically attractive, but I've met maybe 4 women in my life that were compatible regarding life goals and lifestyle. I value money, education and career but I do not really like these typical corporate women who spent crazy amount of money on travel, sports gear and must be almost pro in everything. I prefer rather family oriented lifestyle - active, but not getting into extremes. It's pretty rare i guess and i considered compromising on education/career to find more lifestyle compatible person.

wtknight · 2024-08-01T20:00:39+00:00

Settling is if one is unhappy. If one isn’t unhappy, then it’s not settling.

OmoshiroiKudamono · 2024-08-02T02:48:41+00:00

Setting is getting significantly less than what one's TRUE value is.

If someone gets a Honda Civic, has Civic money, but says they "settled" for that instead of a Ferrari, they are full of $h1t. They don't have Ferrari money. They have Civic money. They got what they can afford.

If a man is a 4/10, chases after 9/10 insta e-girl, has his wallet pumped and dumped, but eventually finds 4/10 Basic Bethany, he is NOT "settling." He is getting his TRUE value.

Unfortunately for Bethany, Basic Bob might resent her for NOT being his choice. Sure, Bob can want who he wants. But 4/10 chubby, neckbeard Bob is DELUDED in his thinking. He has the freedom to live deluded.

I want a Ferrari. I have Honda Civic money. Me getting the Civic is NOT "settling." I get what I can afford.

Siukslinis_acc · 2024-08-01T19:53:03+00:00

Settling for me is more of a "good enough".

Title	What do you consider settling?
Author	Specs400
Upvotes	6
Comments	27
Date	August 1, 2024 5:41 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ehmtfq/what_do_you_consider_settling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-do-you-consider-settling.1526028 https://theredarchive.com/post/1526028

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