Attracting men

cakeforallofyou · 2015-12-13T23:25:48+00:00

I took the liberty of reading through your post history...

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3wnvhh/me_22_f_with_my_friend_21_m_1_year_helping_him/

I admit I would say some unkind things about a shirt he would wear (It was really terrible. it was a plaid shirt in primary colors. His own father told him it was terrible and threw it away.), so I guess that it hurt. Personally, I'd like it someone told me my shirt was ugly.

(he does nerdy things, I sometimes comment on it. I shouldn't have. I didn't really see his sensitivity to this before. so I take fault for that). For example, on his car he has a marvel license plate, and he carries a Transformers wallet. I sometimes make offhand comments thinking it wouldn't affect him. Obviously it did.

Sounds like maybe you're less pleasant to be around than you think. The tone of your post was very defensive. Try working on your demeanour and your attitude - when someone says you've hurt their feelings, don't get defensive, try to be empathetic and see things from their point of view.

CrazyHorseInvincible · 2015-12-14T08:09:26+00:00

All I want is a chance to prove that I'm worthy.

You had that chance, and you failed.

Here's a sample from your posting history.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3wnvhh/me_22_f_with_my_friend_21_m_1_year_helping_him/

You made "offhand" rude comments about his personal style. This is called a "shit test"... it's instinctive female behaviour, where a woman gives a man shit to test how emotionally stable and socially adept he is.

That's why you try to excuse yourself by calling him "sensitive". That "sensitivity" is the weakness a shit test tests for. You excuse yourself by saying he is weak, and you didn't expect him to be weak.

Well, why the hell the not? You didn't do this once. You did it over and over again. If you had a clue, you would have toned it down after the first time, calibrated your tests to his level of toughness.

Your social cluelessness and lack of empathy is just as unfeminine as his sensitivity and weakness is unmasculine. This makes you every bit as unattractive as he is.

If this is your typical behaviour with men, then you are socially obnoxious and don't even know it. And I'd be money that it is, because a woman in her 20s who is around lots of men in their 20s, and doesn't get approached, ever, is either physically unattractive or socially obnoxious.

TempestTcup · 2015-12-14T00:58:45+00:00

Reading all of this, it doesn't seem like you are trying at all. You seem to think that men should throw themselves at you without any effort on your part. Those women "who get guys to ask them out just by breathing" aren't just breathing, they are talking, showing interest, flirting, getting out there, etc.

I have to assume that you are somewhat standoffish, you are touch adverse, you look down on nerdy guys who do nerdy things, you spend a lot of time alone, you "can't stay interested for more than a few conversations"; see what I'm getting at? You seem to have a huge wall around you.

I suggest going to meetup.com and attending every meetup you are even remotely interested in, and then get out of your comfort zone and drop that wall you have built around yourself. Be open and talk to people. Make eye contact with men and if they say something funny, touch them even if it is a small touch on the upper arm. Pretend to be interested even though you probably aren't (judging by your post). You not being interested in other people makes them not interested in you.

lucy-chu · 2015-12-13T23:33:55+00:00

What exactly do you mean by "in shape"? Because a lot of people like to say that, but it could mean anywhere from skinny-fat to chubby.

Height, weight? Ethnicity?

How does your hair look?

Littleknownfacts · 2015-12-13T23:46:49+00:00

Being attractive and friendly is only part of it. But are you giving off a prudish, holier-than-thou vibe? Many guys will over-look girl if they can't think of her in a sexual way. But its another thing to know how to make/take a dirty joke, or to flirtingly touch someone's shoulder and so on...

StingrayVC · 2015-12-13T22:48:47+00:00

You have not hit the wall.

There is being pleasant and smiling and then there is being open, pleasant and smiling. This is not easy to describe, but a lot of women, with their body language portray a hands off vibe. You need to learn to stop doing this. When you smile at a man, you look him in the eye and you relax into it. Try not to get nervous or shy, because this is when your body language follows your emotions and you tell men to back off without even knowing you're doing it. You need to open up and be confident and inviting in your body language.

Thank you feminism for women losing the ability to covertly flirt.

PhantomDream09 · 2015-12-13T22:48:37+00:00

Have you asked friends if they know of suitable single men? Tried online dating? Gone up and asked someone out yourself?

Thispecialsnowflake · 2015-12-14T00:16:20+00:00

You are not unattractive, and there must be men in the woodworks who like you. There always are for gentle feminine girls :) I made a rigid post when I first joined here and so much has changed since really applying femininity into my behaviour.

Thing is you can be incredibly beautiful, accomplished, well spoken, and perfect on the outside - but that doesn't inspire a man's affection or protection - and eventually provision. It's actually part of the feminist lie that we have to BE like men and win love through ACHIEVING. We are getting fitter, smarter, more degrees, more 'independence' and conversely less men with every accomplishment that outshines them. That's why you get girls all the way to women in their forties saying 'I have A B and C why aren't men interested'. Because it's a LIE.

Having an achiever mindset around men puts you in a competitive and anxious headspace where they can't really connect with you because you're so pent up about impressing them and being worthy. Thank modern feminism for instilling that being 'just' your open and vulnerable self is a disgrace.

It's all good for people to tell you to just open up when we have grown up in a generation that encourages hostile attitude towards men. You want practical tips. Start with UNlearning any closed behaviour. Don't pretend the lone man in the elevator doesn't exist. Don't look down when a jogger passes you. Speak to male waiters, servers, tradies, dentists - who cares what they look like, and go further than the how was your day routine. Risk being vulnerable and getting your openess rejected. I remember on a long plane ride making conversation with an air host and listening to his story of quitting his six figure engineering job to pursue his dream of working in the air. Then he upgraded me to business class. I looked my worst on that plane yet he rewarded the genuine respect i showed towards him.

Another thing, you sound like a Christian. The church's approach to dating has been really detrimental for me imo. Always telling us to guard our hearts and not even date! - aka be closed and fearful, don't even let a non Christian man become a friend because you will fall into sin. So learn to be unclosed regardless of whether the guy is a believer. You don't have to compromise your personal boundaries in doing so.

Good luck.

curious_girl_87 · 2015-12-14T11:00:54+00:00

Something's not right. When I was 22, I was getting attention everywhere. And I don't consider myself that pretty. Above average. My guy friends rate me a 6-6.5

What about during college? That's prime time for getting hit-on. My below average friends also got attention a lot.

Or are you just disregarding all the advances made?

Perhaps you need to work on your conversation skills? Where are you located as well, men are typically more outgoing and aggressive in the US. Maybe you're just not meeting enough men, or the men you're meeting are very shy.

nereprezentativ · 2015-12-14T09:33:20+00:00

Lady, your value ia equal to your best orbiter (guy "friend"). So you either accept this and keep your lifestyle and confort or you go for men that are higher up on the ladder by becoming attractive to them. This means changing habits, venues, lifestyle and most likely loosing your v-card. But decide and proceed, because with every year that passes you'll be more set in your ways.

claudiuscrab · 2015-12-14T00:14:06+00:00

What keeps coming up in posts like this is getting out where the men are (I also need to do this). Chances will be higher of you meeting someone if you connect over a similar interest or hobby. Unless you are consistently volunteering and expanding your circle, an all female choir isn't exactly going to cut the chase. Maybe get a new hobby that you've always been curious about, like co-ed volleyball? Be open to meeting new people and it'll happen. If you don't feel ready yet, work on yourself, and then go out. Practice talking to men of any sort, the cashier at the grocery store, the mechanic who works on your car. Trust me, it'll get easier talking to them.

psychocoyote_ · 2015-12-14T02:31:04+00:00

do you wear any body spray/perfume? An attractive scent easily gets a guys attention. improving that has had a large influence on my love life and improving that could be helpful. sometimes you just gotta wait for the right guy thats a match for you though, you just have to wait

KlaiFrai · 2015-12-14T08:31:01+00:00

[permanently deleted]

nereprezentativ · 2015-12-14T08:25:01+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Attracting men
Author	pinkstar23
Upvotes	24
Comments	87
Date	December 13, 2015 10:14 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3wpa8e/attracting_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/attracting-men.166595 https://theredarchive.com/post/166595

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