Belief systems

abishagofthevalley · 2022-09-27T19:59:55+00:00

I'd never get into such a relationship. I dont think religious beliefs are fads or whims or options that are all equally good so yeah okay I'll just follow his without DEEP thought, spiritual counsel and a whole lot of agonizing reflection that goes WAY beyond the relationship at hand.

Keeping my own, yes. Giving them up and follow a lead to smth else? No.

Jenneapolis · 2022-09-27T21:08:38+00:00

I’m white American and my partner is a Hindu immigrant. I’m more spiritual not religious and he’s devoted. It works because we respect each others’ values and there’s no pressure on either of us to change. We are open to experiencing each others’ traditions and see it adds to our lives. Cultural issues can be a challenge for us but it’s more related to the different ways we were raised in different countries and how we communicate which every relationship deals with communication challenges.

It is more work but we both enjoy it. His father told him “every day you both will have new things to explore with one another, you won’t get bored.” I’m sure many here disagree but it works for us.

sunglasses90 · 2022-09-27T20:07:50+00:00

I did when I was younger. It doesn’t matter so much if you aren’t marrying the person. However as I got older I realized the differences were making me feel like he wasn’t the right person to marry so even though it wasn’t a bad relationship by any means it still wasn’t a relationship that was going to end in marriage. We were too different.

I think experts are right when they say you HAVE to be on the same page about 3 things: religion, kids and money with money being the #1 issue that causes divorce. Beyond that coming from similar cultural and social economic backgrounds is very helpful in you understanding and empathizing with your partner and their views about things.

Obviously there is no one-size fit all cookie cutter option. It really depends on the people and the circumstances and specifics, but it’s hard to push certain value systems in your household and to your children if the parents aren’t even on the same page.

trolltaskforce · 2022-09-27T21:40:55+00:00

Different race isn’t really a belief, but having conflicting religious, dietary, and other views of the world usually doesn’t end well. Different cultures is more ambiguous, as it depends on what the differences are.

Ok_Obligation_6110 · 2022-09-28T00:43:08+00:00

I’m south Asian married to a white catholic. I’m a vegetarian and he’s not. We’re very happy because being religious is far more important to him than me so I let him lead in that department and once our kids are born I’m happy to bring them to church and have him raise them in his religion.

As far as dietary preferences, I cook and he is happy to eat what I make because I make chef quality meals. He usually has meat at lunch or when we’re grilling or doing a roast dinner. I don’t see it as giving up beliefs but rather being supportive in each other’s beliefs. It’s not for everyone, particularly in regard to religion. The difference is he has never once expected me to convert or follow his religion and I’ve never expected him to change his diet nor would I ever ask to. We still have a very trad relationship.

softcats713 · 2022-09-27T20:58:16+00:00

My husband is very spiritual and I am an atheist. I'll admit there was a period of time early in our relationship where it did bother me, it felt "silly" and I knew it was something that meant so much to him so I never would've voiced that opinion, but I'm sure he could tell it made me uncomfortable to talk about. I've learned to look at it in a different light now, and I often listen to him talk about it and respond appropriately. He says it doesn't bother him, because I'm his biggest supporter, I give him a platform to speak about it and speak to our kids about it and I help decorate/celebrate/worship with him. I see his passion in his beliefs, while not something I believe in myself, and it is so admirable. I don't think it's quiet the same as if you were to take say, an atheist and a Christian, though. I think the dynamic would be a bit more confusing. I get that it's different for everyone. Most of my BIG values I can't budge on. For example, I can respect a vegan, I have vegan friends, but having a vegan partner would be a deal breaker, because I homestead, raise animals for meat and hunt.

Plus_Maintenance1647 · 2022-09-28T01:21:29+00:00

I have been in this situation multiple times in past relationships. In one of them, it reached an unspoken crisis point during the early months of the pandemic, as our differing world views led to internal conflict within the relationship. We broke up for other reasons, but I learned to vet more carefully early on for similar values.

I think there can be some compromises if the differences are not fundamentally opposed to each other (e.g. both are Christians with slight disagreements on theology). Otherwise, no. Now that I'm with someone who does share my values/worldview, I would never consider anything else.

I'll also add that for the most part, race should not matter. I live in a country where a clash of incompatible cultures is very unlikely within interracial couples so long as you vet for good character and shared world views/values first. Once those things are there and there's a strong attraction between the two of you, nothing else should matter.

bridbrad · 2022-09-28T11:45:28+00:00

My fiance is prochoice and it sometimes upsets me but I'm definitely going to stay true to my values. I think it's less about being willing to change yourself and more about accepting your partner despite our differences

girlwhoplayswithbugs · 2022-09-28T16:25:44+00:00

While this sub isn’t based solely on religious views, my opinion/advice is to not get involved. I don’t know you personally or your beliefs, but being raised in church, I was always taught to be “equally yolked” to your partner. This not only includes the type of religion, but also the extent at which you believe/practice.

Aside from religious belief, I would never give up other things for a man. You should either seek out a man who accepts you for what you believe or look within and ask if your belief system is as strong as you think it is. Much love ❤️

breemakin · 2022-09-28T20:40:14+00:00

Both myself and my husband are atheists but I personally would never be in a relationship with anyone who was religious. It would cause far too many issues with child rearing.

Although, I’m vegetarian and my husband is not. We don’t cook meat at home (unless it’s outside on the grill) as I don’t like the smell in the house. I also cook 90% of the meals and he is happy to cook the other 10% vegetarian. People are horrified when he says we only eat vego at home and he says “she’s a good cook so it doesn’t matter if it’s veggies or meat, it’s always delicious”. He does order meat if he eats out or we order takeaways.

I think some things can be compromised on and other things definitely cannot be. It just depends on the relationship.

Edit to reply to your added question: our political views generally do not clash. We are on the same page in regards human rights, womens rights, LGBTQ+, the rights of indigenous people in our country, etc. He does have a few more conservative views on less important topics and obviously some of his ideas vary to mine but, morally, we are on the same level. I think this is also important in raising kids.

ExactEntertainer2419 · 2022-09-27T22:04:00+00:00

To add another question to this - what do you do when your political or other world views clash? For example, if they say the sky is blue would you blindly accept that?

Laurely4u · 2022-09-28T00:16:44+00:00

I converted to a different denomination because of family harmony. My first boyfriend experienced Peter Pan Syndrome and wasted seven years of my time. The second boyfriend was a reaction to the previous problem. He wanted kids and was ready willing and able to marry me without delay. He had a great career, MENSA IQ, was super tall and handsome, great in the sack, and wasted no time buying us a nice house. We became the first family to live in brand new construction in a sunny climate. He wanted to raise his kids in a particular faith and there wasn’t too much pressure on me as long as I went outside the home to do as I will. His requirements were relaxed and he didn’t police me. So, I went for it. I didn’t think holding a hard line was in my best interest looking at the bigger picture. Nobody is going to meet all 99 items on your ideal wish list. So, if you can get your top ten items you should consider a good offer even if it isn’t perfect.

AutoModerator · 2022-09-27T19:53:26+00:00

Title: Belief systems

Full text: Hi all,

Is anyone in a relationship with a guy who has different beliefs to you? E.g you have different religious beliefs, one is vegan the other not, different race, different cultures

Do you feel comfortable giving up your beliefs and following his? How do you still maintain your values and identity?

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

softcats713 · 2022-09-27T20:58:21+00:00

My husband is very spiritual and I am an atheist. I'll admit there was a period of time early in our relationship where it did bother me, it felt "silly" and I knew it was something that meant so much to him so I never would've voiced that opinion, but I'm sure he could tell it made me uncomfortable to talk about. I've learned to look at it in a different light now, and I often listen to him talk about it and respond appropriately. He says it doesn't bother him, because I'm his biggest supporter, I give him a platform to speak about it and speak to our kids about it and I help decorate/celebrate/worship with him. I see his passion in his beliefs, while not something I believe in myself, and it is so admirable. I don't think it's quiet the same as if you were to take say, an atheist and a Christian, though. I think the dynamic would be a bit more confusing. I get that it's different for everyone. Most of my BIG values I can't budge on. For example, I can respect a vegan, I have vegan friends, but having a vegan partner would be a deal breaker, because I homestead, raise animals for meat and hunt.

sunlitroof · 2022-09-27T22:01:48+00:00

I would never date someone with a different faith than mine. A different diet is fine. And I have no problem dating another race, but Id like us to share the same culture.

Vinegar88 · 2022-09-27T22:30:58+00:00

I don't date outside of my beliefs, values, or race and culture. It necessitates people to compromise on these points, and I believe a strong foundation of a relationship is based on sharing these things. Especially when children come into the picture.

crazychooks · 2022-10-01T13:40:52+00:00

Yes, myself and my partner. I am Christian, he is Jewish. We are from countries on the opposite site of the world to each other (literally, 12 hour time difference). He is from a big city, I am from the country. He is upper class, I am middle class. We are chalk and cheese!

I don't give up my beliefs to follow his. We each maintain our own cultural and religious identities. However, over time we are absorbing some of each others identities which honestly I think is beautiful :) For example on passover we had a big feast which I cooked, although I don't follow the jewish tradition it was still great to be part of. We cook meals fron each others countries, speak each others languages etc. All around I think that our differences are amazing. But despite all our differences our values are the same deep down and that is what makes our relationship work.

Title	Belief systems
Author	ExactEntertainer2419
Upvotes	6
Comments	28
Date	September 27, 2022 7:53 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xpqtps/belief_systems/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/belief-systems.1133671 https://theredarchive.com/post/1133671

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