Do men actually like nice girls?

Jenneapolis · 2022-12-23T02:29:42+00:00

Here’s the thing: if a guy is looking for a hook up or not something serious, it doesn’t matter how nice you are or not, it’s still going to end in the manner you describe. You can be nice and sweet while also setting your expectations in the beginning of a relationship and not allowing yourself to be a doormat. It’s truly a balancing act that I think starts from the second you start talking. The more he demonstrates to you that he’s committed to the same goals as you, the more you can relax, and be submissive with him.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2022-12-23T05:52:16+00:00

By "being nice" do you actually mean "failing to take a vetting period seriously"?

pearlspirit27 · 2022-12-23T02:24:43+00:00

My "tactic" (not really a tactic, just what sort of came naturally to me) was always to remain a little aloof and distant when interested in a man, and letting the nice girl out once things are official.

Not playing hard to get or acting like a bitch, just being a little coy so he has the opportunity to step into his masculine role as the pursuer. I think that the feeling of winning a woman over breeds affection in a man.

Flirtation and dating is a dance - there has to be that fun push and pull to keep it hot. I think that coming on too strong in the early days can sometimes subconsciously let a man take you for granted.

hissyyfit1 · 2022-12-23T04:28:40+00:00

Um yeah men like women who are nice to them. But being nice doesn’t mean being a doormat. You have to strike a healthy balance. There are books that say men like submissive women or men like bitches, etc etc. Most of it is circumstantial. The golden rule, imo, is keep your femininity (kindness, understanding, submission to an extent) while keeping your wits about you (don’t be a freaking doormat, enforce your boundaries, embrace your value and decide how you want to be treated, etc). To add to that, I personally believe submission is a gift and has to be earned. The guy you’re vetting has to be someone who strikes that emotion in you because he has the values you’re looking for and treats you well. Anyone who walks all over you shouldn’t get to see that side of you.

You can be nice and coy at the same time. You can be nice and be a little bit of a spit fire at the same time, too, which some guys like. You can be nice and play a little hard to get. I don’t think it’s healthy, useful, or realistic to box ourselves into a specific subset because ultimately, we’re too multifaceted to be entirely nice. Your approach should be to learn from your past mistakes - as in, how do you avoid being disrespected and discarded - and determine who deserves your “niceness” by thorough vetting.

Tl;dr: be nice but don’t take anyone’s shit if they’re treating you poorly. don’t let people bulldoze over you and don’t box yourself in bc you’re only hindering yourself.

sunglasses90 · 2022-12-23T06:14:06+00:00

It’s true for mature men. With that said, nice girls don’t equal doormat. Mature men still need you to be able to fend for yourself and your kids because they can’t watch over you 24-7. But yes they want you to be loving and kind to them and the children.

Immature guys, like immature women, are often chasing more excitement. It’s normal when you’re young to want the crazy girl and not the nice girl. Same with women.

So your answer is that it depends on the phase of life the guy is in. Looking for a hookup or girlfriend is different than looking for a wife.

blacknwhiterose · 2022-12-23T06:41:51+00:00

Sounds like you're attracting guys looking for a hook-up and not a girlfriend/wife. Re-examine yourself, what kind of vibes you're putting out, and where you're meeting men.

2022-12-23T04:10:35+00:00

So here's my first thought. None of those relationships worked out either. Be authentic to who you are. Be the woman that the man you are looking for is looking for. The right man will come along.

Devon8822 · 2022-12-23T03:17:45+00:00

In my experience as a man who has had relationships with both types of women I believe this is one of those things that should be approached more from an individual personality perspective than from an "all men are like that" perspective. Yes, there are traits that all men have but I think to form an accurate picture of reality you must find a balance between the two narratives. I genuinely like nice/submissive girls that show interest. They are rare. You should also be very selective when you approach dating as a submissive woman because you can be taken advantage of, but this is why you vet for values. If the man is not interested in marriage then being submissive and nice is of no advantage to you. However a high value man that is looking for a wife will always favour an agreeable and submissive woman imo.

hannita · 2022-12-23T02:38:04+00:00

I don't think one guy can speak for the majority just like I don't think one woman can speak for majority. Guys will always use an example of one bad girl they dated to show that all women are cheaters and don't want a nice guy etc etc.

I think normally both of these types have their own issues. whether it be a mother that neglected them or a father. I've met men like your ex who say one thing but do another. Some people just don't know what they actually want and need to work on their past issues. Guys who seem to go after women who mistreat them seem to have a similar relationship with their mom or a female relative, it's sad but you can't save them.

you're going to want to find a confident man and not the macho man "alpha male" persona that some guys put on cause that can scream insecurity at times. Someone who knows what he's doing in life and what he wants out of it. you're going to have to look at actions not their words. There are men who will appreciate a good women out there.

edit: I'm going to add that it's important that you also know what you want when seeking a man and setting proper boundaries. this might make you look "hard to get" but it just comes down to respecting yourself and be firm with your own personal values. That won't allow someone to walk over you. you can still be nice while doing this.

Embarrassed_Cup2524 · 2022-12-23T02:06:16+00:00

i think it goes like :guys like a girl who laughs at their joke and a girl likes a guy who can make her laugh with his jokes

buttermiIk · 2022-12-23T03:15:30+00:00

Interesting post and comments. To put it simply, yes men like nice girls. From my experience being 100% nice won’t get you the magnetic attraction from guys compared to when you make it a little hard for them to chase and please you. You always have to have a little ‘push and pull’ as I call it, just to keep things fun and entertaining for both parties. Challenging and stimulating. He gains more respect for you that way. You can’t come off ever as to easy, even if you are already dating him you need to test him sometimes. Make him feel like he deserves you. People love a reward that they feel like they’ve earned. Be nice and kind but remember to keep that little 5-10% of hard-to-please, usually makes them over the moon for you and it shows you he’s committed. Don’t be used as a doormat. If you’re submissive and agreeable to everything he says he will naturally take advantage of it because the power dynamic has no challenge

LeicaRedEye · 2022-12-23T06:11:52+00:00

You can be a good person without being a doormat. Saying no, setting healthy boundaries, needing your own time, having high standards etc is not being a bad person, just a healthy, balanced person. A good relationship is not servitude. It's cooperation. The imbalanced people will not stick around when you set your boundaries.

LightOverWater · 2022-12-23T02:15:37+00:00

That's a good question. Has anyone read the book, "Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl"

If so, what are your thoughts?

plum-shake · 2022-12-23T10:25:26+00:00

Yeah I think they do. I find when I'm nice to men they think I'm interested in them. They like compliments and anything that boosts the ego. But everyone is different.....I think the term "nice" in general of simply not being rude or too picky towards them. I enjoy picking and joking around when I'm flirting but there is definitely a boundary for that

Lando_620 · 2022-12-23T14:44:12+00:00

Being nurturing, friendly and submissive and being a doormat to be walked all over are not the same. Nurturing, friendly and submissive is an energy and outlook to your life that will put you in a positive state of mind and as a man I can attest it is my preference in a partner.

The core issue as I can see it from your post is both dynamics you describe are one-sided dynamics just with either you or him as the focus. Be it friendship or romance one-sided dynamics never work.

The thing is, you need to make sure your partner is displaying the traits you are seeking, (typically a quite strength/stoic nature, wisdom/understanding, and a measured assertiveness) Those are traits of a man that has mastered himself or at least is mastering himself, which means he is a man that can be a leader.

Lilviscious · 2022-12-23T16:35:02+00:00

In my experience men do like nice girls. However, certainly not every men does.

In my social circles it is evident very quickly that men who seek short term gratification enjoy what we call the chase (with the woman not showing interest or be more of a challenge). While men who seek long term gratification will also acknowledge the women who they can chase, but will opt for nice girls instead, because they are seeking a deeper connection and they realize chances are higher of finding that with a women who is genuine and caring. That's not to say they can't be a challenge to actually agree to date though! That's also not to say a kind woman should let a man walk all over her: never lose your self respect!

So to me the idea if true with the type of men who wants a relationship instead of a fling/ one-night-stand.

WolfEagle1 · 2022-12-23T19:24:38+00:00

High quality men don’t want drama or a woman who acts like a man.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2022-12-23T03:45:25+00:00

Wow. I’m sorry that happened to you. Upon reflection, you may find that the signs may have been there. I think you will find that if you look for a guy who has the requisite maturity to be the type of leader you want to submit to, he’s likely going to prefer a “good teammate” rather than a constant PITA, because being that guy comes with a lot of responsibility.

AlohaBandit · 2022-12-23T23:00:13+00:00

analyze both the quality & demographic of these guys that 'chase' you, and, while you're at it, do the same for all notable previous relationships. what type of dude are you meeting, maybe you're attracting the wrong type of guy? objective questions like this.

take the data that the field has given you and study it with passion, if you are truly serious about the overarching question.

Neither-Suggestion78 · 2022-12-24T09:20:01+00:00

Because I want a man who can lead, I never call or text a man first - this applies to my partner with whom I am intimate. This was from first time he took me out until today. While he is watching my actions to see who I am - watching my actions and not my words. He is deciding my value as a woman. A confident woman is not needy, clingy nor jealous. While I bring joy into his his life, he makes my life better as I do his.

You have to sometimes fight bad habits and be strong within yourself so with him you are soft and vulnerable. Because I am successful in my own right, I had to learn to let go and let him make all that responsibility and stress go away as he takes me places I have never been before - and that is the most beautiful I have ever felt.

Scabondari · 2022-12-23T17:18:58+00:00

When you show no interest in a man and that supposedly gets the result that you want then where are those guys now?

If you're not in a committed relationship then I would say it didn't work

AutoModerator · 2022-12-23T02:00:25+00:00

Title: Do men actually like nice girls?

Full text: So the consensus on here seems to be that men like nice, sweet, feminine, submissive and agreeable women. With the last guy I dated being nice quite frankly got me nowhere. I was walked all over and eventually discarded.

In my experience guys chase me when I show no interest in them and am more of a challenge. This approach has worked on pretty much every guy I’ve dated. So not sure if this idea that men like sweet, submissive women is really true?

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

no_bling_just_ding · 2022-12-24T12:45:01+00:00

i do

Ace_Of_Stace · 2022-12-27T04:26:28+00:00

I think men are attracted to the "challenge" approach because it shows confidence. They definitely want to date/marry a nice woman who can compromise and show affection but there needs to be more. If you are always available, eager to chat, and super agreeable that's a red flag because it shows a lack of having a personality.

threwawaythedaytoday · 2022-12-27T12:03:15+00:00

I dont want someone with an attitude or bitchy or feels to be taken seriously she need to echo stereotypically manly traits.

HollyAcers · 2022-12-27T21:15:06+00:00

The guy you had was not a man of worth and only someone that likes to use a woman's good nature. A man of worth will know how to take good care of a nice girl and will wife her.

Though some guys do like the chase, I have found more often than not that the chasers are the ones who are the players and the ones who will walk away from you if you make them chase are the ones who are the keepers... so why bother with the game?

ghua · 2023-01-02T23:54:59+00:00

You can be a nice challenge you know ;)

"Hello I am nice, I like you but you need to step up your game to get anything" ;)

Hot_Meet654 · 2023-01-04T15:13:45+00:00

Depends form the guys, his expectations and how mature he is. Also you should have self respect and boundarieswhich quality guy would like to see, don't act to desperate which may seem as pushy also. For example love bombing early on makes me my intuition tingle.

Title	Do men actually like nice girls?
Author	Charlotte_98
Upvotes	65
Comments	39
Date	December 23, 2022 2:00 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/zt3kk6/do_men_actually_like_nice_girls/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/do-men-actually-like-nice-girls.1145006 https://theredarchive.com/post/1145006

Comments