How does your man support you emotionally?

milkycocoa-puff · 2023-03-05T20:15:02+00:00

My partner used to do this at the beginning of our relationship. It doesn’t work for me. I had to teach him in some ways how I want to be taken care of. Now, when I’m having a bad day he’ll hug me, ask me what’s wrong, ask if I want a foot rub, make me a sandwich, etc. Try actually telling him what he can do to help you feel better. He might not even know where to start.

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-03-05T21:38:12+00:00

This is what my husband typically needs, himself. Initially, it's what he did for me because he thought that's what everyone needed, since he grew up on a cattle ranch and everyone in his life was the same way, male or female. Once I told him that I needed something else, he did his best to offer that. If you need something different from his default setting, you need to tell him.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-03-05T20:08:37+00:00

Men usually learn this kind of thing from the interaction between his father and mother. (Maybe when his mom was upset she made things miserable for everyone else so they just avoided her.) Or possibly he had a partner that told him "Don't talk to me, I just want space" a lot and that overwrote anything else.

For example, my husband defaults to giving me a hug, and he has mentioned that's what his father did for his mother. Other times if it's not so much emotional but I'm clearly struggling with something, causing stress, he will ask what he can do to help on a practical level.

Another possibility besides personal history is that you're a "good time date" and he sees the stage of relationship you're at to be one where y'all each handle your own bad moments separately.

The solution here is to literally just tell your man what you want. "I feel crappy, could you check in with me a few times today? It's comforting to hear from you."

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-03-05T21:07:30+00:00

No. That’s what he wants you to do with him so he assumes you want the same thing. This is why it’s important to communicate needs to one another. You need to know how your partner wants to be supported and vice versa. If you’ve expressed your needs to him and he’s not doing it, he’s not a masculine man, he’s a bad partner

a_tall_amanda · 2023-03-06T07:59:32+00:00

I try not to bother him with my insecurities so I don't annoy him away, but the last time I was upset with a particular situation he comforted me and brought me a bag with some candies and other junk food (I love it), in resume he is very nice and supportive.

Yet his parents are divorced and he lives with his father so I would say he got only the "masculine way" of dealing with those situations without the interference of a "feminine way". So in my conclusion it isn't a masculine or feminine reaction, it is a particular and individual reaction, your guy isn't manlier for shunning you away nor is mine womanlier for embracing me.

Another proof that it isn't a masculine or feminine thing is that some women shun or even laugh when their man show emotion or some fragility, are those women acting masculine or are they just being massive assholes?

jenna_grows · 2023-03-06T09:10:46+00:00

I tell my husband what I want in any given moment because he’s proven himself inept at reading minds.

If he doesn’t give it to me when I ask, I ask why. Sometimes it’s coz he has his own stuff going. Then I just go and talk to my friends about whatever is bringing me down (usually work or pms). It’s not as therapeutic, but he’s not my therapist.

anothergoodbook · 2023-03-06T12:35:32+00:00

My husband likes to be left alone when he is sick. Guess what he does when I am sick? Leaves me alone. When I ask for attention we will do it but he is very reserved and “short”. And he tells me I need sleep (I don’t sleep well when I am sick whereas that’s all he does).

My husband likes to deal with stuff himself and not put it on me. So typically when I need something he tends to give me that space. I will tell him what I need (a hug, a listening ear, whatever it is).

I guess it’s something to consider- whether it’s a deal breaker or not for you. Is it something you can accept as it being a part of who he is? Or is it something that just is too much and you need/want something different.

babyegirll · 2023-03-05T19:38:45+00:00

Umm. Mine doesn't. He asks me what I need, and the follows through what I tell him. If I need space, he accepts that and gives me space. If I tell him I need reassurance and comfort, he gives me that. If I tell him that I dont know, he helps me figure it out. Masculine men don't just interact with you when it benefits them.

Zdena_Rose · 2023-03-05T23:23:59+00:00

Gifts lol he’s working on his listening skills Edit: “working on” Because 1. When I’m in a mood 90% of what I am saying is ranting and I don’t mean it 2. He is logical so 😂

OLOWalsingham · 2023-03-06T17:44:49+00:00

I find the “how do I feel?” “what do I want?” Way of communicating with husband helps in this scenario, for example : I am feeling really tired today I would love it if you could help me with the groceries / be extra cuddly/ bring me a hot chocolate. If I say things this way to my 3 year old son he springs into action lol . It ignites something in the male brain I think 🤔

BasuraIncognito · 2023-03-06T00:04:34+00:00

When I’m in a bad headspace, I do need time alone so them texting or calling incessantly would make it worse. If you prefer a more communicative SO to help you feel better, let him know that.

CountTheBees · 2023-03-06T03:54:45+00:00

Can you provide more detail? How old are you, and how old is he? What is your relationship status, how long have you two been together? What relationship milestones have you hit? Does he spend time with you outside of sex?

Such_Beginning_1629 · 2023-03-05T21:32:04+00:00

This is an area where he is struggling. Man supporting his Partner is something he never knew or grew up with. Most Women in his life were only supporters but never got supported. So he does not have the knowledge on how to be supportive, he often makes tone-deaf comments and tends to compare or have standards that are basically insane.

AutoModerator · 2023-03-05T19:25:32+00:00

Title: How does your man support you emotionally?

Full text: I’m just curious if I’m missing something. If I’m having a bad day or if I’m tired, mine reads that as he shouldn’t talk to me and completely ignore me. No phones calls, no check-ins, nothing until I’m in a better place and reach out to him. Is this what masculine men just do?

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rosesonthefloor · 2023-03-06T19:39:45+00:00

Honestly, before we lived together my boyfriend was very similar. We’re also similar in age to you two - 28 and 32, also dating 1.5 years.

He’s just not a big texter or caller, and if we weren’t spending in-person time together, we didn’t talk much other than good morning and a bit of chatting after work. Especially if I was tired, sick, etc. Is it possible that your man is the same? And do you feel like you’re not receiving emotional support when you’re physically together, or just when you’re apart?

I ask because a couple times I felt similarly - “I’m sick and he’s not checking in, this sucks”. But then I thought about like… what can he really do to support me in that instance over the phone? Ask me how I’m feeling for the nth time, or offer platitudes, basically. Men tend to prefer concrete, actionable solutions, so think about what would you actually like him to do when you need support?

Now that we live together, he is good about taking over chores when I’m sick or tired, bringing me water or food, providing hugs/cuddles, things like that. Or just letting me rant about something lol. But those are all things that can only happen in the same physical space.

Drunk_Cat_Phil · 2023-03-11T23:15:46+00:00

Man coming in peace - it might just be because that's what he'd like if he's having a bad day. Personally I just want to be left alone, do my own thing, go for a run, do that thing that needs doing etc. I don't really want to be bothered and pestered about my mood, he might just be the same way and so his natural response is to give you space.

Just ask him for a hug or a cuddle and at the end just tell him that it really made you feel better. But a word of warning, don't overload him with venting - keep it to a minimum and make it clear that either you don't need a solution or that you do want a solution. Anything vaguely in the middle will just cause him to solve whatever problem you have and it'll just frustrate you both.

Title	How does your man support you emotionally?
Author	Forsaken-Savings4370
Upvotes	26
Comments	35
Date	March 5, 2023 7:25 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/11j8zqm/how_does_your_man_support_you_emotionally/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-does-your-man-support-you-emotionally.1154355 https://theredarchive.com/post/1154355

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