How often do you think about how your physical appearance helped you?

Kara__El · 2020-01-17T16:52:20+00:00

People who tell you appearance doesn't matter are lying to you. My husband is 5'8" and I'm 5'5". His first girlfriend was 6'1", though, so there are men confident enough to date a woman six inches taller.

In your place, I'd suggest a support group for your specific disorder to gain confidence and maybe even meet someone. It might only have an online presence, but I'm sure it exists. I'd also say that this is one of the rare cases where it's fair to refuse men under 6 feet tall, but you'd have to very aware that that leaves less than 15% of American men.

some_nerd_reference · 2020-01-17T17:50:48+00:00

I’m convinced that people who say looks don’t matter are conventionally attractive themselves (maybe one minor flaw here or there but mostly normal looking). While I don’t have any medical condition or serious defect, I’ve experienced firsthand how differently beautiful people are treated and it’s heartbreaking. It feels like gaslighting when people try to deny how differently you experience the world as a less-attractive woman.

OP, looks do matter. You’re not crazy in thinking that your condition is a handicap in finding someone to spend your life with. Not saying it’s impossible, but you’ll have to work harder because the deck is stacked against you. Just being more pleasant won’t be enough.

I don’t have specific advice but I just want to validate you and your experiences. I’m sure you will find a way to be ok and live a wonderful and meaningful life whether you are partnered or single.

I think you need help beyond this sub, and I hope you can find it. I’m thinking an online or in person community of people with the same disorder? Hopefully you also have access to good mental health resources.

(Also for the love of god ignore whoever told you to post on a rateme sub. Not gonna help).

Manny1400 · 2020-01-17T18:22:47+00:00

Are there support groups or conventions for people with the same condition?

It sounds like a challenge, but not one that cannot be overcome. I am 6'1 and I dated a girl in college who was 6'6 (she was the center for the women's basketball team). I never really thought about her height being a negative. I later dated a girl who was 6'2 for 3 years.

Elena Della Donne of the WNBA is 6'5 and she's a babe.

Some men might be intimidated because they figure that you won't date anyone shorter than yourself. It is silly, but it is an assumption

Think of it this way: like a guy who is 5'5, you have to go the extra mile in making your personality and charisma compelling. Look into clothes that accentuate your frame in a non-conventional way (capes, cloaks, long silk shirts, etc.). Smile a lot and pretend that you are a regular girl

ShootingDanks · 2020-01-17T20:38:11+00:00

Red pill theory is about dating strategy for men and women. At its core, it suggests that by enhancing femininity, women become more attractive to men and conversely, by increasing masculine traits, men can become more attractive to women.

You'll see advice here about enhancing your appearance (look as girly as possible - dresses, heels, pearls, curls, the works) and your behaviour (be accommodating, gentle, soft-spoken, kind, warm, elegant...). It is not just about being pleasant.

The trick is to actually become a better person. Work on yourself, we say. Go into nun mode, work out, address your issues, become genuinely lovely and positive and happy. It is only when you are a whole woman, that you have the capacity to be a good partner to a good man.

So my advice would be the same for you as for any woman, with the caveat that your dating pool is smaller than most.

Become the best version of yourself that you can be. Dress well, do your hair and makeup (even if you think your face can't be helped, makeup can make men look like women, don't tell me it can't enhance your best qualities). Be kind and positive and happy. Cultivate an interesting life. Engage in a wide variety of activities. Become so damn enchanting, I mean genuinely enchanting, that men will think "she's so much fun to be with, I want to be a part of her life" despite your height and genetic condition.

Step one would be to work on your attitude. It sucks, Sadsadsad6767. You're broadcasting despondency, bitterness, depression, cynicism. Read your post from the perspective of a prospective partner. Would you want to anchor yourself to someone so negative? "I'm a freak, nobody wants me, there's nothing to be done" is the energy I'm getting from you and I can guarantee that you broadcast that in person, too.

I suggested living a life filled with so much joy and fulfilment that you attract people who want to be a part of that. At the moment, it sounds as though you don't even want to be a part of your life. Address that first, before you even consider dating.

Tight-Diamond · 2020-01-17T19:55:59+00:00

Looks absolutely do matter, but they're not the only thing that matters. Your condition puts you at a disadvantage in the looks department, sure. It has most certainly made your dating life harder than someone without Marfans.

Being pleasant isn't enough to attract someone, no. But it definitely helps.

I do think about how being close to average has made my life a bit easier. I'm not ugly, but I'm not beautiful. I'm right in an invisible middle and it's a good place to be, for me.

Don't beat yourself up over something that you have no control over, and maximize what you do have control over.

You've got a hard row to hoe, for sure. I hope you can gain some confidence and peace. ♥️

Sadsadsad6767 · 2020-01-17T20:34:03+00:00

Are guys allowed to chime in here? everyone else lied to you. As a person who also has a condition that makes him unattractive, I know it hurts to hear, but that's quite a disadvantage you got. Not saying impossible mind you, but definitely not going to be easy to LTR any guy who has a job and career and shit.

MentORPHEUS · 2020-01-18T19:34:43+00:00

I can relate, because I have many of the morphological features of Marfan. 99th percentile height, wingspan wider than my height, arachnodactyly, extreme ectomorph body type. When I was young I thought it negatively affected my dating life, but in retrospect its influence was overblown in my mind. A defeatist attitude was the biggest factor, because it led to missing cues and opportunities and duffing whatever game I managed to fall into despite myself.

Whisper's advice is solid; your behavior is a very important channel for broadcasting your SMV and RMV to potential suitors. Work on understanding the body language you're projecting, and that of others. Learn more about how and when to give IOIs and how to telegraph your relationship availability. This is not a call to make yourself available for sex. Rather, a reminder that skills at projecting approachability can be learned and improved upon. It's a game of getting prospects interested in you, then vetting them and choosing carefully who is worthy of submitting to.

A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds up his morale. After a while he realizes that she is beautiful -- he just hadn't noticed it at first. -Heinlein

Sadsadsad6767 · 2020-01-17T18:02:28+00:00

[deleted]

Whisper · 2020-01-18T16:17:26+00:00

The red pill isn't for magically getting perfect results no matter who you are.

It's for enabling you to make the best play you can with the cards you are dealt.

Do you think it's better to be a pleasant, sweet, and nice woman who's 6'7 and disfigured, or a naggy shrew who's 6'7 and disfigured?

izzylabor2019 · 2020-01-18T15:08:42+00:00

I thought so as well until I discovered what it means. I had to go through a traumatic experience (heartbreak) and rebuild my self esteem and sense of worth. When I got out at the other end I realized I didn’t need external affirmation to feel any sense of worth. I felt I was enough and loved myself for it even though I wasn’t as beautiful as I was and my SMV wasn’t as high, I just felt enough and it emanated from within. So I don’t feel the need to be in a relationship to feel complete and I am intentional with my relationships with both sexes. I wish I could give you 10 steps to love yourself but it’s a journey and when you seek it, you will find it even though mine was born out of trauma. It makes you look at your flaws differently.

jessica_3112 · 2020-01-17T19:43:44+00:00

Looks do matter but you can increase your worth by developping your confidence/personality as best as you can because people feel your insecurities (through body language, talking, ect) and therefore, walk away. Try to be authentic to yourself in the best way possible and accept your qualities/flaws.

hells_carebear · 2020-01-17T23:56:26+00:00

I believe that looks matter to a certain extent. But to each their own. Looks matter in the sense of first impressions and the beginning stages of getting to know someone. You can meet someone who is gorgeous and then later see they have the worst personality where as someone who isn't as attractive has the best personality.

Looks invite people in and you may feel you lack in that. Just work harder on getting to know people and letting them get to know you. When a person falls in love they typically see no flaws and the person they are in love with is perfect.

My boyfriend met me when I was thinner and prettier. I've gained some weight yet he still finds me beautiful. I've always found my boyfriend attractive. Even more so now that I'm massively in love with him. Find a person who won't look at just your looks. Show them what an amazing personality you have. There are plenty of guys who are with girls that are easily a a ten and there are plenty of girls with guys that are easily a ten.

Sadsadsad6767 · 2020-01-17T21:20:40+00:00

[removed]

fromo_latte · 2020-01-18T05:50:18+00:00

Of course your looks will put you in a disadvantage! That’s just common sense, but it doesn’t have to bring you down. You have to put in more effort than the next girl in order to attract someone. It sucks because some women get asked out all the time. I’m definitely not one of those women either lol

Do you live in a city? How many single men are in your geographical location? Have you tried online dating. Do you go to single events? Speed dating? Just being yourself and expecting men to come up to you probably isn’t going to work like it does for other women. That’s the harsh truth.

Disposable__Male · 2020-01-18T18:44:34+00:00

I understand your frustration, most people don't have the patience to examine the character of another (or are more ableist than they'd care to admit) such that they judge others based on appearance.

I lost my hair at 18, and the difference in how women treated me was like night and day, so I can say with certainty that almost everyone is hella shallow.

Depending on how granularly you define appearance, we're all different from each other (like how asians can tell each other apart better than white people can). Rather than trying to appeal to the norm, you should celebrate what makes you special, lest your red pills turn black.

Anyway, there are guys out there who like tall girls. I'm trying to make sure my sons break 6', so I'm looking for a woman taller than me, but that doesn't fit the storybook image that society has paved into us, which is awkward.

Thanks for reminding us to check our privelege and being vulnerable enough on the internet to divulge a weakness. You'll find your captain soon enough!

Zegiknie · 2020-01-18T22:14:28+00:00

Someone will definitely have a fetish for this.

aussiedollface2 · 2020-01-19T01:14:30+00:00

Hi OP! You sound like an insightful and kind girl. I know it’s hard but I think acceptance is really important. It will just take time. Okay so you’re super tall, there ain’t nothing you can do about that fact. It is what it is and your energy is better focused on other aspects of yourself and working on your other attributes that are attractive to a relationship. Some men I think quite like the gangly long-limbed look and I really don’t think you should feel like who have no chance whatsoever. I would also strongly suggest trying to meet other men who are your height or taller, whether through basketball groups or tall groups or marfans syndrome groups. It’s all about targeting groups where you will be most desirable, but also keeping an open mind to other men eg shorter guys. From what I’ve seen I actually have a theory that some shorter guys are attracted to tall women because they want children taller then themselves xoxox

SqualorBaller · 2020-01-17T19:12:32+00:00

I hope this doesn’t come off the wrong way - but I’m 5-5” and probably considered “normal” looking but all standards and I have also struggled immensely finding relationships and men who want to date me. So even though I do agree that looks and physical appearance does matter, it’s not always the defining thing I guess is what I’m trying to say. Any man who is truly confident shouldn’t mind your height. If you keep having a good attitude and personality, I believe you’ll attract men who seek out these qualities! There will always be shallow people who will heavily prioritize looks but I’ve also met plenty of men who favor personality. It’s just a matter of being patient and putting yourself first. Good luck!

lasteem1 · 2020-01-18T00:19:46+00:00

Another male lurker here. Looks matter, but I think a lot of shorter guys wouldn’t let your height stop them from being with you. However, it’s probably going to stop a lot of guys from approaching you. Guys are told by women that most women want someone taller than them so the guys aren’t going to bother approaching.

hisdhakini · 2020-01-17T22:08:18+00:00

I’m my Captains type. He also had the pick of the city when he decided to keep me..... And he made it clear if I wasn’t sweet, submissive, and supportive (within reason) then it wasn’t gonna workout. He taught me how to serve him as he wanted.

I was a 4 when we met. I’m a 7.5ish now... and yes, I’m 5’7 with no disorders

My guess is that if you’re in a large city (where liberalism is the norm), and you decide to learn how to be feminine, present the best you can, and develop muscle tone, you’ll find him. Basically, work with what you have, and focus on what your strengths are

Sadsadsad6767 · 2020-01-17T17:30:23+00:00

Due to Spez attempting to censor the internet I am leaving this site.

Title	How often do you think about how your physical appearance helped you?
Author	Sadsadsad6767
Upvotes	94
Comments	66
Date	January 17, 2020 4:33 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/eq2pcy/how_often_do_you_think_about_how_your_physical/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-often-do-you-think-about-how-your-physical.311868 https://theredarchive.com/post/311868

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