I can’t work full time, do men really care?

tofurainbowgarden · 2021-02-01T19:57:57+00:00

They care about financial immaturity but not so much about income.

If you make money, but order a bunch of useless garbage off amazon and invest in bad things, they will consider you a liability. One of my friends got into a marriage with 60k of debt for him to pay off. It left him pretty bitter.

If you make very little money, but are frugal and responsible, they are generally happy with that.

Marrying someone with no debt who understands their financial statements is much better than marrying someone who might rack up your credit cards when you aren't looking.

spaghettiparrot · 2021-02-01T19:52:08+00:00

If anything, I don't think it's your part-time job that's a turn-off; it's the implication that your anxiety and ADHD are poorly managed. If you can't hold down 40 hours per week, do you think you could run a house or manage the schedules of children?

I'm not being snarky, I'm actually asking. If you feel like you have your life together, and the work thing is just a stand-out, particularly persistent obstacle, then I'd say it's fine. If it's indicative of a person who's generally disorderly and aimless, though, that's different.

DeLovehlyCoconute · 2021-02-01T19:50:42+00:00

Men would see it as a red flag if you can't really hold a job due to emotional issues. Your mom is right, it really isn't about how much money you make for the men that matter, but they do care about your mental health and stability. Maybe work things out with a therapist to see if your adhd should be medicated and to help you with your anxiety.

Btw, your cat is so cute, and from your posts you seem like a sweetheart. Due to that, I have to believe there are wonderful men out there for you, who wouldn't mind you being in the process of improving your mental health since the issues in your post don't seem to impair your life too badly.

morganKxoxo · 2021-02-01T19:48:59+00:00

I don’t think it’s that important for you to work a 40 hour high paying job to attract men.

BUT I do think it is a concern as to why. You mentioned your anxiety disorder and adhd prevent you from it. My concern is that those things don’t stop at work, but how do they overflow into your ability to handle a marriage, manage a home, manage children (if you want them) etc. men don’t care about the job but they will care about your ability in those other areas that are also affected.

I wouldn’t worry about the job thing, but I would dedicate as much time and effort as you can into working on yourself and managing those things. They most likely will never go away, but through therapy and self improvement you can learn to live with them and work through it so they don’t interfere so much In your daily life.

I have anxiety as well as it was a very heavy burden on my marriage for a while (I’m 27 btw). I would get extreme anxiety and panic attacks if I had to drive a car in a stressful situation like bad weather or a big city and it was very taxing on my husband to have to help get me through it. I’ve worked through it and can now better plan and manage my stress in those situations and it has improved my marriage greatly

participateinlife · 2021-02-01T19:43:08+00:00

There’s more to your value to a good man than how much money you make. Focus on being a good partner and a good person. With your work, do a good job and try your best with what you are doing. It doesn’t necessarily matter what you make, it matters that you’re taking care of your responsibilities and care about doing your best. Take care of yourself, take care of your home. Learn to cook. Keep your home clean and organized.

deepfreshwater · 2021-02-01T19:45:40+00:00

I’m a woman but in my experience there are lots of men won’t care if you work less than 40 hours a week as long as you’re someone who takes care of themselves and isn’t lazy in life.

aussiedollface2 · 2021-02-02T03:01:36+00:00

I think most men would be fine with it as long as you contribute in other positive ways to your life together xo

emmalai85 · 2021-02-01T19:55:03+00:00

my husband married a woman who made a lot of money.... in the end he wanted children and a woman who was home waiting for him instead of a career-minded woman who didn't want kids.

I've worked from home and I help him with the business he starts, but knowing i'm always here for him, our kids, that is invaluable and money cant replace the things I do for him and our family.

It just depends on what they feel is valuable for them in life.

but I know many, many, many men don't want the burden of being the only breadwinner in a family and having someone take some of that pressure of them is invaluable, too. find a compatible mate and it won't matter

GreatMenderTeapill · 2021-02-01T20:26:32+00:00

RPM here. I wouldn't care as long as you weren't a bum outside of work. Most gainfully employed men don't want somebody who's just a bum. My biggest issues with females outside of my control is that I seem to meet a lot of girls who don't have hobbies. They tend to confuse habits with hobbies. I even had one girlfriend who considered shopping a hobby. I would focus on amplifying what you think is charming about yourself. More than anything just do you, so long as it is steps toward the version of yourself you want to be.

pussykiller009 · 2021-02-01T21:32:17+00:00

Most men won’t care about your job/salary

sware_210 · 2021-02-01T20:14:20+00:00

I think it’s important for you to get help with your mental health. I know that had helped myself and others a lot. Have you spoken to a doctor or had therapy? I think in this world it’s important to remember that a man isn’t a financial plan like it was for our parents’ generation.

However if you have therapy or get help with mental health I think the right guy will understand your situation.

Good luck!

Street_Cicada · 2021-02-02T15:58:05+00:00

Seek out a job that keeps you interested. Hint, it will probably be a trade, and go back to school. Really know yourself before looking for a man. Having ADHD and anxiety is no walk in the park. But I strongly suggest becoming self reliant first before leaning on someone else.

Meeyann · 2021-02-02T18:31:04+00:00

I do. That's why I've been working independently because I cannot be a slave to a corporation where they only see you as slave. I'm working part time and pursuing my own passion. Finance is always a problem and have to force myself going back to full time to cover up any emergency expense, but I still don't have to waste my 40 hrs every single week, ignoring my mental health. It might not work if I had children but I also wouldn't want to work to those corporations to support my kinds if I choose to have. I'll choose for my own health than building a family in this situation 😓

Exquisite_skeleton · 2021-02-01T19:45:43+00:00

No, they really don't.

I'm preparing to leave my tech job that pays pretty damn well to become a nanny for thirty hours a week. My boyfriend told me explicitly not to worry about money and that he cares more about how well I can take care of kids.

LateralThinker13 · 2021-02-02T15:17:34+00:00

Men do not care about your job.

I’ve tried so many times in my life to work a 40 hour work week, but have failed. Into put in more context I have adhd, and a anxiety disorder which prevents me on work on certain things for a certain time.

What they DO care about is your personality and stability. An anxiety disorder and ADHD, if not managed, make you undesirable as an LTR. They don't want to marry 'crazy', and 'unable to function' is a close second. Not saying either of these apply; speaking generally here.

You not being able to work a 40-hour week is a SYMPTOM, not a disease. Honestly, it sounds like your issues aren't resolved or in check; until they are, they're a roadblock to dating.

I want to know that I can have confidence knowing that men only see my roadblock as something that can be worked out.

Men aren't women in another way: they don't want fixer-upers. Get your stuff sorted, THEN date. If you have work to do (and it sounds like you do) then GET IT DONE. Then date.

D0cH0lidey · 2021-02-02T00:40:38+00:00

I earn enough for us to not need my wife to work. I am glad she doesn't work. I have all kinds of errands and work billing etc that needs to be done. She helps with all of this and makes my life great when I'm not working. Perfectly happy with this arrangement.

__CitrusJellyfish · 2021-02-01T20:54:09+00:00

I think you should focus on using the extra time and energy on developing your self management and coping skills, set goals for yourself and perhaps seek therapy to help you develop a plan. Nothing wrong with working less as long as you’re making the most of your remaining time productively (in your case, managing your symptoms).

chief-w · 2021-02-01T21:37:37+00:00

There is a reason men were okay with women not having a full time vocation for most of human history. That's not a big deal to men as a rule.

But the psychological issues that prevent you from being able to have a full time job are going to be a problem for a full time relationship. Get the help you need. Get your counseling, do your 12 steps... Whatever it takes. I am a firm believer that people can get better from just about any psychological problem. You can manage your anxiety, you just need to master psychological skills you are weak in, like all that mindfulness and self awareness and stuff.

Yes I know the guy who came up with 12 steps was an alcoholic, but it's more of a self improvement process with alcohol abstinence mixed in there. Just replace alcohol with your environmental anxiety triggers until you don't have to hide from your triggers anymore.

Schnabellex · 2021-02-01T22:18:15+00:00

I worked 40 hours from age 17 to 25. I also couldn't handle it. I have C-PTBS, Depression, and had Borderline at that time. That stuff + 40 hours + a marriage + household chores was just too much.

I decided to only work part time after therapy from age 25 to 29, and my husband encouraged me. I felt EXTREMELY guilty because i couldn't function like a normal human being, but it was way better than working fulltime.

Now I'm a SAHM of a 4 month old, and tbh this "job" is by far the easiest and best job I have done. It's possible to be a good mom and caretaker even if you can't work 40 hours.

pandanetz · 2021-02-01T22:43:51+00:00

I’m not concerned about how much you make in fact don’t really care if you have a job because I’m covered all the way to retirement; however, the anxiety part would be a massive red flag if the situation is what I’m picturing from reading your post. In the end it comes down to this, if you are a good woman that I can trust, I like you physically and emotionally and you bring positive things into my life then the rest will be fine. There is no specific checklist.

ILoveCuteKitties · 2021-02-01T22:55:05+00:00

Does your therapist believe that you are as high functioning as you are going to get? Have you explored medications? Other types of therapy? Is the ADHD for sure the problem or is your job a bad fit? ADHD can be soooo tough and I hope you can max out your quality of life for yourself, career, and future partner.

sonder_one · 2021-02-02T22:38:46+00:00

The feminists will hate you far more for that than the men will.

Men have never historically thought of women as sources of income, and that won't change in our lifetimes.

That said, there are other symptoms of your issues that could make relationships difficult.

IcarusKiki · 2021-02-03T01:00:51+00:00

I wouldn’t say the job is what hinders you: but having adhd and anxiety could impact your ability to keep house and raise children which men do care about.

distortionharmonics · 2021-02-14T16:56:47+00:00

Men don't care about how much money you have. They really don't. What they care about, is being feminine, respect, supportive, agreeable, kind, sexual, happy to please, considerate, and respect. Respect being the big one, and sex, because sex is how men help establish and nurture a strong biological, emotional connection with you. If you can figure out how to be a respectful, feminine, supporting partner to a man you won't need to work much, other than maybe a part-time job to help out. Most men wouldn't mind, its not about the money, they want respect, femininity, loyalty, sex, and an emotional connection. You women worrying about career have it all wrong. Men will choose a 20 year old working at McDonald's if she is respectful and feminine, over a rich, successful, resourceful, career feminist with an attitude problem.

2021-02-19T16:21:26+00:00

Most men don’t care about your income, but they do care about your stability.

I found a unicorn who just wants to take care of me no matter what state I’m in. Sure, he’s the boss, but why on earth would I be the boss?! That’s not even a gender thing in my case, it’s like... sometimes I’m anxious and stupid and it makes me think of dumb things. I need his stability to steer me.

I’m sure you’re lovely and will find someone who’s willing to love you despite your mental health issues, but you have to at least try to wrangle them.

I think that’s one of the reasons my husband has so much patience. Although I’m...a handful, I never stop trying to get better. I’m always trying new ways, different types of therapy and self help, medication didn’t do great and I no longer take it but we tried that as well. But my issues are trauma based and as I work through the trauma I have an easier time managing....yours sounds chemical.

I only say that because I don’t think ADHD can be caused by trauma.... I’m no doctor though.

Have you tried medication? Meditation? Therapy? CBT? I’d work 20 hours a week and spend the other 20 working on yourself! But again, I’m no expert.

My husband knows that I can take care of him, a home ,and one day children and to him that’s more important than being industrious.

BrownGummyBear · 2021-02-22T11:40:17+00:00

If you’re a tidy person and like to cook most men will overlook your salary. Some men actually line to provide financially in relationships, so I think a lot would be fine with you being part time or even full time stay at home mom

goldensurrender · 2021-02-01T21:15:14+00:00

My husband says he really doesn't care if I work or not and he would prefer that any work I do outside the home never interfere with our family life or his work ambitions. That is a-ok for me. Right now I work 25 hours as a nanny and that works great.

I also have never done well working 40 hours per week. But that's because I do a LOT of home-making things and that's what I enjoy doing and it really stresses me out to have to cut back on those things, and then the stress is not worth it. The things I enjoy are: making nearly all meals from scratch, making my own kombucha, making my own yogurt, gardening, cleaning my home on a routine schedule so that it is literally never dirty, making my own natural house cleaning products, making my own skincare products for myself, learning about natural healthcare (so that I rarely ever go to the doctor and our pets don't really have to go to the vet). If I have to stop this lifestyle too much and devote myself to working 40 hours outside the home my mental health plummets.

So, is it maybe that the type of work you do when you work a 40 hour work week jsut doesn't work for YOU? I am a firm believer that a lot of our mental health problems can stem from being disconnected from doing what we love in life.

I used to think I was mentally unwell when I worked 40 hours a week at a financial firm. I was a quasi alcoholic then too. Then I listened to my heart and realized I was just not playing into my natural talents/desires. My husband deliberately chose me because of my desires/talents at housework and love of taking care of children. Those men do exist.

Find out what's underneath your anxiety and that's all that will matter to the right guy, not whether you work x amount of hours for a W-2 paycheck.

momentsofnicole · 2021-02-01T21:32:38+00:00

I have ADHD too. Definitely stick to therapy.

Also recognize that with ADHD there's also RSD Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. Recognizing that I genuinely feel pain when rejected helps me immensely.

We feel intensely more than neurotypicals. It's like those clips of soccer players overacting in order to bring a harsher penalty onto another player. Only that is genuinely how we feel rather than pretending.

In your "career", try to find a job that works well with your Executive Functioning Disorder (which I think should be what ADHD should be called). Be aware on how difficult it is for you to switch tasks.

Allow yourself only one day off. Really with ADHD, an idle mind is terrible. I would seek out either a second part time job or a full time job in the meantime before marriage and kids. It's not about the money, it's about your mental health needs.

In your off time, what are you doing to better yourself? Are you working out? Are you bettering your skills? Are you making yourself a High Value Woman?

packo33 · 2021-02-01T21:39:52+00:00

I think there are two sides.

Some men would like (or wouldnt mind) to be the only source of income and have the wife taking care of things at home and with the children. I think those are your compatible target.

Then there is the other side. I dont believe "ability to earn income" is a major attraction for men, HOWEVER depending on your specific country legislation, marrying (or having kids with) a no-income woman, is a HUGE RISK in case of divorce, not worth taking.

Faisaif · 2021-02-01T23:21:48+00:00

Reading your post funny to remember that it's the opposite here in my society a non-working woman is more valuable and wanted as a wife for most of the men than a high paid woman. However, in recent years young women tend to prefer jobs over marriage.

JulianUNE · 2021-02-02T03:39:47+00:00

Most husbands prefer a woman who works at most part-time, at least when children arrive.

dontbotheraskingwhy · 2021-02-02T05:15:57+00:00

For what it’s worth, a woman with a job is one of my hard lines. I don’t want a woman with a traditional job, I would love to find someone who views a relationship as our most important job.

Suspicious_System_63 · 2021-02-02T09:45:58+00:00

I understand your conserns but men are not hypergamous they do not date up the socioeconomic scale, what they value most in a women is her femininity. There is nothing better than a nurturing, loyal and compassionate women of cource financial maturity is important, no one wants a women acting like a teen and maxing out their credit card. However I don't think you'r that kind of person. It's important to have an income to support yourself and be independent in case of a break up or divorce.

Good luck.

83sp54ch · 2021-02-02T01:39:39+00:00

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Title	I can’t work full time, do men really care?
Author	ColleenMew
Upvotes	67
Comments	45
Date	February 1, 2021 7:30 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/labrno/i_cant_work_full_time_do_men_really_care/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-cant-work-full-time-do-men-really-care.742697 https://theredarchive.com/post/742697

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