A little info: I was a poster child for daddy issues in my 20s. I’m now 35, and have been with my boyfriend for two years. His parents got divorced about six months into our relationship. It really wrecked him emotionally, because he’s always been a huge advocate for strong families and has wanted a family of his own since he was five.

I’ve always been staunchly against children and told him that from the get go. He accepted that and said both of us are “too old” to have kids anyway, and that couples should be having children when they’re young.

I really started to get into the idea of traditional gender roles within the last year or so. Even though my boyfriend accepts me and seems to love me anyway, I really regret my wild twenties and am feeling like I am less of a woman, to him and myself.

What’s worse, my friend and co-worker, I’ll call her Kate, is in her early twenties, is still with her first boyfriend (who is older by five or so years), and they’re already looking to settle down so they can raise a family. She’s beautiful, confident, feminine, artistic and has her whole life planned out. I can’t help but feel like she and her partner are living the life my boyfriend really wanted. The one I can’t give him.

I am envious of her, filled with self-loathing for me and guilt-ridden and unworthy of my boyfriend. These emotions overwhelm me on a daily basis. I don’t feel like a good woman and feel as though I have no recourse.

I would appreciate any advice, besides therapy. I would love to see a therapist but I absolutely can’t afford one.