laura doyle sets you up

Ok_Obligation_6110 · 2024-03-12T13:16:04+00:00

OP I’ve seen you post frequently in the narcissist relationship subs and as others have mentioned, vetting is at the core of RPW strategy. If you do not properly vet, everything else falls apart. RPW doesn’t work on men who aren’t emotionally healthy or receptive to it, which is why we so heavily stress the importance of it.

Unfortunately, RPW seems to draw a lot of women who fall prey to abusive behavior in relationship not because of the strategy itself, but because I think some women feel drawn to the idea of having a relationship where a man leads, because they themselves are so insecure about their own ability to lead their lives and would rather just go along with someone else’s.

Your submission can not come from a place of insecurity and self doubt, it HAS to come from a place of complete trust. If you can not trust your partner, which based on past posts, you’ve had strong doubts for a long time, you should NOT be in a relationship at all.

I can only hope that you can take some time to heal and self reflect before dating again, and use some time to develop better vetting strategies.

SecretFeminine · 2024-03-12T11:56:59+00:00

Vetting is not a point in time thing. And you're right, RPW won't make every man worthy of respect and marriage. But nothing will. The idea is to find your best match by being your best self and supporting him in the same.

Your locus of control is inside, not outside. Do the work to learn how to choose and inspire good people, break your addiction to narcissists. Go nunmode while you improve yourself.

Business_babe_2 · 2024-03-12T07:50:10+00:00

Being submissive is different than being a doormat. Having respect for a man is different than ignoring red flags.

You are hurting and you want to blame something, which I understand. But RPW philosophy didn’t do this to you, because you didn’t follow it. You ignored many red flags and took your ex back after some serious problems were already clear.

You vetted I’m sure but that is not where you stop being sensible and just start blindly trusting a guy who has shown multiple times that he is in fact not trustworthy. Again submissive and respectful is different from being a doormat.

doyoou · 2024-03-12T05:18:01+00:00

I'm not sure I agree. I don't feel like any of the RP advice towards women discussed here recommends that we accept abuse or mistreatment in any way. The sentiment that I have taken from RP is that if we are dissatisfied in our relationships, before blaming the other person or breaking up, there are steps we can take to reflect on ourselves to improve it.

If we bring the best version of ourselves to a relationship and it's not reciprocated or the relationship doesn't meet our standards, we simply walk away. Is that not the concept of vetting? It sounds like that's exactly what you've done. There are terrible people out there. We can't control for that, all we can do is be clear on our own boundaries and standards, which helps guide us to someone who meets them and disregard anyone who doesn't. I'm sorry your ex was a bad person. But you assessed the situation, and removed yourself from it before marriage or children. As far as I can see, that's the exact purpose of RP.

In terms of the protection strategies you mentioned; these tips are simply guidance. It's not a religion or a manual that we follow. We all bring our own biases and standards to it. Of course we need to be careful and look out for ourselves, I don't think we need RP steps to tell us that. That being said, we are regularly told to take time out for ourselves, spend time with friends and family and to enjoy our hobbies independent of our partners. These are very effective strategies for avoiding abuse, as abused women are typically isolated and dependent on their abusers. Again, our firm expectations of ourselves and partners should also protect us from accepting anything below that.

edit: I've seen on your post history that you took your ex back multiple times despite poor treatment and cheating. Proper RP vetting would be cutting him off from the first time. I appreciate you have mentioned you have tendencies to fall for narcissists, and you're aware that's something you need to work through. I hope you do, and find yourself a great guy, but none of this has to do with RP, sorry.

mistressusa · 2024-03-12T15:37:55+00:00

No amount of strategy, RPW or otherwise, will ever turn a narcissist into a HVM. As humans, we can talk ourselves into believing literally anything. Your vetting process is only as good as your willingness to be honest with yourself.

My guess is that, during your vetting process, you talked every red flag into some sort of "leadership" quality. Not only does this not help you see your reality, it actually has the opposite effect -- you talk yourself into believing your own spin about him, hence become even more committed to him.

You have to vet honestly before you proclaim him a HVM. Not the other way around.

Jenneapolis · 2024-03-12T15:47:53+00:00

OK so let’s say you didn’t know anything about Laura Doyle or RPW. How would this relationship with a cheater have gone? Do you think it would’ve played out the same or different? My guess is you maybe would have slept with him earlier and maybe would not have made him work so hard up front but the rest of it probably would’ve gone the same.

I can really say I know how you feel though, I’ve been where you are, feeling like I’ve done everything right and still get treated badly. In some ways it makes the pain worse because you’ve given everything, you’ve tried so hard, and you didn’t receive the same in return.

But it has nothing to do with the tactics here, you just ended up with a bad guy. Red pill or not, there’s no way to 100% solve for not getting hurt in a relationship by someone who lies to you. The tactics here assume you have a good guy you can trust and give you the best chances of building a successful relationship when you find one of those guys. It never says do all these things and a crappy guy will turn into a great guy. If a guy is dedicated to faking with you for six months, there’s not much anyone can do about that. I’m sure you’ve read “why does he do that?” - this gives you more context into how these men think and even more so should tell you that none of what we teach here will work on them.

Situations like this are reasons women go to the dark side, just like the pissed off red pill men who write off relationships, women can feel the same way. There are plenty of other places to go for women to engage in anger phase but we serve a different purpose. It’s OK to take a break here sometimes if you are feeling this way and come back once you find a guy who deserves submission.

AutoModerator · 2024-03-12T04:30:48+00:00

Title: laura doyle sets you up

Author sarahharttt

Full text: i’m feeling a little bit angry, i’ve been following RPW for a while and although you ladies gave me wonderful advice - i’m going through a horribly painful break up with a psychopath & i can’t help but feel like a lot of the concepts & books recommended sets us up for some abusive relationships. I’m all for the bettering ourselves, respecting our man, etc and I could’ve possibly left sooner, but i vetted as best as i could & sometimes guys will say whatever they have to to get what they want. i waited 3 months to have sex with him, I got a commitment in all the ways, I asked questions and looked for actions supporting them and for a while there were no red flags. After about 6 months there started to be some red flags, speaking down to me, always finding problems with eveything i did (even saying i was making too much eye contact with guys or spending too much time talking to one of his friends wives while we were out together, i wasn’t stylish enough etc) i know now he was just in the devalue phase of a narcissistic relationship but i even made a post on here wondering what was wrong with me that i was possibly (subconsciously) looking for attention from other guys bc i knew i loved & respected him.

my point being some guys, no matter how much you admire them, respect them, etc do not care about your feelings or you.. even if they say they do to manipulate you.

i don’t think we should respect a guy that has not proven he is respectable. etc. and one little action is not something to hold on to.. i would get these feelings of what i thought were insecurity in the 3 month mark of our relationship and i would be like no. focus on myself, trust him, remember that one time he pushed a girl off of him in front of you? just because he’s staying late at a party when he said he would be home doesn’t mean he’s cheating and the more i show i trust him / respect him and am not insecure or jealous the better he will want to treat me.. wrong. i just prolonged the inevitable of finding out he was cheating (with a 18F and a 40F and a married woman 30sF)

We should be re-evaluating our chosen man. Like yes, i picked him bc based on the info i had at the time he was a great, loyal, loving guy.. but i should have gone through his phone, i should’ve had a problem with him staying out later than he said and the little inconsistencies instead of trying to trust him. i should not have respected him when he wasn’t being respectable and i should’nt have expected if i did all these things “right” he would cherish my feelings.. bc he didn’t.

I just wish we would talk more about protecting ourselves and not oh i did this and it had this effect on him lien we can control the way they behave and the type of man they are because at the end of the day we can’t.

i also saw another post on here and a girl was asking why we aren’t talking about strategies to just get security and resources when the guys on RPM ( i know we don’t have the same goals as them, etc) are talking about strategies to just use us to get some… why aren’t we talking about the other ways to make sure we have a guy worthy of being a “captin” like making sure we’re aware of other guys we could go to if the relationship turns out to be horrible or what we will do if we find out they cheated or even test so we can see if we should trust him. the blind loyalty and trust just seems like it’s setting up younger girls to go through the exact horrible experience i just went through..

sorry for the vent, but i doe believe in red pill and i didn’t know how to go forward the information we’re talking about and the experience i just had.. i did vet and then i tried to do everything “right” and i really don’t believe there is anything i could have done to have made him not abuse me… so how can i prevent this in the future? how do you keep getting during the relationship and also “trust” ? how do you “respect” them and not question them and also being finding out if they are worthy of the respect?

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AnonishCath · 2024-03-14T10:18:17+00:00

Respectfully, you didn’t vet him very well. Three months isn’t a long time, and I’m willing to bet there were red flags that showed up during that time that you overlooked. Did you meet his family and friends before you decided to sleep with and commit to him? If so, did every single one of them lie and pretend this guy was Prince Charming until month 6 when he started being abusive? It’s possible he’s just really good at hiding things, but it seems unlikely that he presented as a HVM and within a few months was treating you like crap, cheating with multiple people, being controlling, repeatedly stringing you along claiming to change, etc. My suggestion would be to reflect on why you allow behavior like this, and to take longer next time before trusting a man. Don’t let them know up front that you want a HVM to lead you, that excites the wrong people and invited narcissists. Just show by your own behavior that you’re a feminine HVW willing to be led.

GivMeLiberty · 2024-03-12T04:58:04+00:00

I haven’t read Laura Doyle, but from what I’ve grasped from her teachings through lurking in this sub, I believe one of her philosophies is to exercise grace in a relationship. But exercising grace is very different from deliberately and completely ignoring issues like the ones you mentioned in your relationship.

Staying later than he said at a party without communicating to you should immediately raise concerns about his word. I believe Laura Doyle would say that this doesn’t warrant a nuclear response when he gets home. Maybe just a “hey I would really appreciate if you would tell me next time cause I was missed you☺️”. Maybe it doesn’t warrant any response from you at all if it’s not even that much later at all. But I know RPW wouldn’t advocate for you to be a doormat and to ignore it.

You should absolutely be vigilant and aware of how a man chooses to respect your time and your trust in his word. I think it’s a good idea to be graceful and feminine when confronting issues in your relationship, but you absolutely still need to protect yourself by acknowledging, internally and outwardly, when issues are present.

About your other comments in this post, you should be respectful towards everyone. Firstly just to be a good person. But also, being respectful is feminine and will aid in your efforts to attract a quality partner.

RP men is strategies to accomplish sex. A sexual encounter is transient and requires little to no emotional investment by a man. RP women, IMO, seems to be about how to accomplish a happy, fulfilling, and lasting relationship with a favorable relationship dynamic.

Both explore how to be tactical and strategic to achieve some end goal. However, a sexual encounter and a fulfilling/committed relationship are two very different things that will require severely different approaches. You could strategize on just how to obtain security and resources from a man… but I’d imagine that would lead to a very unfulfilling life and relationship. That is not the goal of RPW.

With that favorable relationship dynamic being a big element of that end goal… a lot of RPW talks about how to attract that “captain”. Don’t you want a man that has the courage to approach you, the competence to lead you, the wit to charm you, AND the resources/commitment to offer you?

It’s okay if you don’t. Akin to how RP men explores how to exploit female nature to obtain sex, you could take a darker approach to exploit male nature to obtain resources and security. But I’d encourage you to take sometime to yourself to learn from this and to regain hope for a future relationship. I am sorry things didn’t work out for you this time and I’m sure you might feel you were set up, but don’t let this negative experience tarnish who you are! Time will heal everything! Good luck to you

Title	laura doyle sets you up
Author	sarahharttt
Upvotes	32
Comments	28
Date	March 12, 2024 4:30 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1bcoizo/laura_doyle_sets_you_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/laura-doyle-sets-you-up.1426235 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426235

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