No respect from man at work

organicsunshine · 2019-11-16T14:10:16+00:00

Go above and beyond with the tasks you are given and generate positive customer feedback. Find opportunities for more business to show you are looking to help the company grow. Identify areas of weakness beyond the task at hand and present them with solutions. Never go to a manager with a problem you don't have a proposed solution for. Continue your education.

ETA: Been working in IT for 20+ years and am female.

prettyprincess91 · 2019-11-16T17:24:50+00:00

I’ve been working in software development for 15+ years (engineer, product manager, dev manager, sales). I’d suggest a few things:

Do you have 1-1s with your boss? Bring this up - in the context of asking for more challenging projects. Focus on your career development. Do you want a promotion, move to a managerial role, etc. and in this context discuss with your boss what kind of assignments you need to work on to get there. This makes your boss a partner in your success.
In discussions with your peers, the people who discount you, try talking less. This will have the effect of making what you say matter more because you are saying less. Try to let others speak first and put your voice at the end, like drawing the conclusions, or next steps out. You will be associated with the earlier ideas this way too and you will naturally be supporting others’ positions so they in future more likely to support your ideas. In many Asian cultures/meetings rooms, you can identify the most important person in the room by who speaks last. I noticed when I started to do this how perceptions changed and even discussed it with my direct reports.
Find ways to help people. If you are in a meeting and hear about a project or something of interest, approach that person after 1-1 and offer your help or insights. This will help you build personal relationships with your peers and they will start to see the value of including you in their projects naturally. It’s ok if the first stuff you take is admin or low value work, if you are taking stuff off this person’s plate, you are providing value and they will invite you to more meetings where you will have more information and ability to offer higher value help.

I’ve had many shitty projects - do you find juniors to mentor and delegate these to? I would suggest doing this for all work you don’t want to do that would not be super unmotivating to delegate. It will be a challenge, you may have to convince a junior why it is worth their extra hours but this is what leadership is about.

jibrilch · 2019-11-16T13:19:32+00:00

Show them results. Respect naturally follows.

szsunshine · 2019-11-16T14:36:13+00:00

I have been in your shoes (different field - finance - but treated similarly even when I went above and beyond, was fully capable, etc. I trained people who were then given more high visibility assignments!

My real advice is to leave. You can’t change a dinosaur. Transfer out to a different boss or a new company. You might even look for a part of your field that is more female friendly. I personally got tired of going up against a wall and in the end it impacted my performance (after years of doing great work with no reward, I stopped caring and it reflected in my work.

If that isn’t possible, you have a few options. The options depend on the company culture, how well you have done the sh*t assignments you have been given, and how valuable you are / how difficult it would be to replace you. One is to have a meeting with the boss and tell him you are dissatisfied with the assignments you have been given and that your EXPECT to be given equal assignments as your co-workers. You know that XYZ project is coming up and you would like to lead it (or handle it independently). If you are given a cr@p assignment instead, push it off saying “I’ve already done my share of clean up projects like this one; it’s time for someone else on the team to take this on.” If you are told you will be given ABC (high profile) assignment and it is given to someone else, push back with your boss. And don’t accept “next time” - remind him he has said “Next time” in this past and you are tired of it.

You could also go to HR and file a complaint if you really have evidence that your boss is discriminating. However this becomes really tricky because you need to be very specific. Give specific dates of every “next time” you were told. If one particular assignment is a key to promotions or meeting with leaders, mention that one if you were passed over. Save every email with thanks and praise for a job well done. Your boss WILL turn around and say it’s because your work is not as good as the men and you can’t be trusted to do things right.

Overall, I would encourage you to befriend other high-profile females in your company and field. In the long run (maybe not short term) they are the ones who can mentor you, give you advice, provide you with job leads. If there are women’s networking events at your company (or industry) - go to them! Even a woman in marketing is helpful.

misscleanex · 2019-11-16T13:24:15+00:00

Respect is not given. It is earned. You're either brand new and have not earned it or you've given them a reason for this treatment.

Edit: two years is not regular. It's still junior. The thing with IT is that it attracts those with a lot of exploratory initiative and men who have several years of experience with computers stretching into their childhoods. Many were coding and programming in their teens. Sounds like you're a diversity hire or you haven't proven yourself.

Eugenius666 · 2019-11-18T07:08:24+00:00

Attitude is everything. I know it's cliche, but exude a positive demeanor and can-do spirit. Sitting slumped over at your desk with a put-upon or resentful look about you will not win over new allies or better work assignments.

Scaladayzzz · 2019-11-16T13:23:15+00:00

It can be a gazillion things, including you being taken as a junior in the organisation, etc. That also happens with other men very frequently. Plus, you don't know why you were hired, the circumstances, etc.

Pola_Lita · 2019-11-16T13:45:47+00:00

50 years ago you probably would have needed to first decide whether it was more important to stay and work for fairness and showing others that being female wasn't a handicap against being effective. But now there are lots of people who don't think this way and companies who encourage it will not, in the long run, repay your investment in time and effort. Do your job well, document everything and discreetly look for another job with a better employer. Good luck to you.

macedude · 2019-11-16T15:15:08+00:00

I'm IT as well, and I gotta say one of the best managers I ever had was a woman. She led by example and would never tell someone to do something she wouldn't do herself. Don't be discouraged and keep up the hard work.

Mythrobo · 2019-12-10T05:24:29+00:00

I dont know what your guys's veiws on feminism exactly are here, but feminism ruins hardworking womens career by just making stereotypes for women even worse. For example the bridge built by an all female team most likely hired barely eligible builders with almost no passion so obviously it would fail. Hardworking, and genuinely good women like you get the short end of the stick due to it..

Banincoming · 2019-11-16T20:35:13+00:00

OP has a lot of typing errors that make me worry about the quality of their coding, and wonder if they are a troll.

momentsofnicole · 2019-11-16T13:19:46+00:00

Boundaries.

AngelFire_3_14156 · 2019-11-16T15:37:39+00:00

This can happen to men also. It could have a lot to do with the environment that you're working in. It could be a simple case of office politics.

My advice is to make sure your skills are in good shape, look into getting some professional certifications, and look for another job.

Edit: Sometimes the only way to move up is to move out.

thechopps · 2019-11-16T21:41:36+00:00

If you’re complaining about the work on the shitty projects why would ANYONE respect you...?

loz333 · 2019-11-16T20:21:53+00:00

Force your way in by finding a problem with the existing project if you can. Don't propose that you then go and sort it out to your superior, say 'X is a issue for Y reasons, I am going to go in and do Z to sort it out'. Stop briefly and wait for permission, but in the kind of 'I'm ready to go and sort this out right now, don't get in my way' kind of stance.

Title	No respect from man at work
Author	wanderertraveler
Upvotes	27
Comments	31
Date	November 16, 2019 1:17 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/dx6sa4/no_respect_from_man_at_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/no-respect-from-man-at-work.295460 https://theredarchive.com/post/295460

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