I never thought I'd be one to post something like this but with nowhere else to turn I thought of RPW. I've made an effort to answer the questions required when asking for advice. Please let me know if you'd like to know anything else.

I've been married to an amazing man for 2 years - a confident, assertive, in shape, non-nonsense man whom I respect and adore. He tells me I'm an amazing wife and appreciates and notices my efforts to constantly be a better wife to him. I've always gone after the more traditional relationship and I've been reading RPW since the start of our marriage.

We're in our mid-20s and have a great sex life - sex every day or at the least every other day. I keep in great shape and wear sexy outfits he likes on me. He prefers to initiate and I'm always eager. He usually fucks me until I'm an orgasmic mess and I love it. I'm not religious, I've never considered myself a prude and I'm up to try most things sexually and we've experimented with different fun things, although I should probably try to be more assertive about the things I want.

With this as a background, it surprises me that I care at all, but the fact that he watches porn upsets me in a way I've never experienced before. I thought I never particularly minded porn and assumed that all men watch it. I thought my husband was a once-in-a-blue-moon watcher at most. He's always affected an strong air of not liking porn much and has even mentioned that too much porn can affect your sex life/expectations with real people, which I've agreed with.

I recently found out he watches porn far more often than I realized and goes to some effort to hide it from me. The last month or two, we've had different work schedules and he's often awake for many hours after I've gone to bed. Because we live in a tiny studio apartment, his laptop screen is visible from our bed. I've woken up several times in the last few weeks because of the flashing screen that I realized was porn. There doesn't seem to be a correlation between us having sex and him watching. Sometimes we've fucked that night (sometimes twice that day), sometimes not. I lay in bed with my heart beating very fast like a flight or fight response and feel... jealous? Anxious? Upset? A sense of dread?

Since the first time, as soon as I wake up to the tell-tale flashing screen I respond the same way - fast heartbeat, sense of anxiety, dread. I lay awake trying to calm myself and waiting for him to come to bed, but sometimes he is at his computer browsing porn for 1-3 hours. I'm surprised he watches porn for so many hours and I'm shocked and confused about my severe reaction. I've tried to figure out why I feel this way and I know I can't keep feeling like this forever.

I suspect a large part of it is because of the devious nature of it - the effort he goes through to hide the fact makes it a bad secret. I've woken up and tried smiling and playfully asking what he's doing and he's always quickly alt-tabbed or carefully moved to block my view and responded with an obvious lie. That in addition to the mismatch with what he says to me about porn and what he does (casually mentioning he never watches or lying about not knowing a specific porn website for example), as well as the fact that we usually have sex at least every other day makes me instantly respond negatively.

That said, I'm not sure I'd feel better if he just told me he was watching porn. Because why does he need to? I feel like I'm not able to meet his needs sexually and that I'm not enough, which hurts.

I understand the oft-cited "most guys watch, it's not personal" phrase, but knowing that does not make me feel better at all nor does it help me understand why I'm having such a severe reaction to it. I'm biologically programmed to feel jealous about my partner getting sexually aroused by and seeking out other women in a sexual context (porn in this case), so I'm not surprised by the reaction, but by the severity and that I feel hurt.

Another popular response is "the desire/need for variety" that men have. I understand the desire exists, but I don't go get attention, flirting, affection or gifts from other men, so I don't understand why watching porn is something that is just accepted as something that will happen instead of one of those things you give up for your partner. Our grandparents somehow managed without having thousands of videos and pictures of different naked women at the tips of their fingers whenever they wanted.

I'm also not sure I even want to bring this to him. If he hides the truth or his solution includes him still watching I will feel very hurt. Before I met my husband I wouldn't have blinked twice about someone's partner watching porn, but here I am, questioning what has become the status quo in society and feeling a bit crazy.

I love my husband and I want to not care but I don't understand why other naked women need to be included in my marriage when I work hard to be a good, sexy, playful wife.

I don't know what to do and I feel quite lost. I would appreciate any advice or thoughts and thank you so much for reading this.