Splitting household chores?

briarrose268 · 2018-06-10T15:14:08+00:00

Absolutely you should split the chores. If he is expecting you to help provide for the family, then you should expect him to help out around the house.

ragnarockette · 2018-06-10T14:19:32+00:00

I personally prefer a “by chore” split. You handle basic cleaning, organizing, laundry, grocery shopping, he handles car maintenance, taking out the trash, managing finances, etc. Play to both of your strengths, and make sure you are in charge of the areas that are most important to you (ie. if a dirty kitchen really bothers you, make the kitchen your domain). Handoff stuff that stresses you out (looking at a tax return makes me queasy so my husband does all that behind the scenes).

However, I’m sensing a bit of resentment and entitlement in your post already. Of course everyone would like to stay home. Working is stressful and time consuming and exhausting! But don’t approach chores with the resentful attitude of “he makes me go to work so I’m not washing his dish.”

The foundation of RPW is about giving more, helping more, and providing a soft place for our husbands to grow into the best versions of themselves. Sometimes that means we shoulder more of the domestic burden. Keeping score on who vacuumed last is never going to make a happy marriage, let alone a RP one.

_TheFantasticMrsFox_ · 2018-06-10T18:25:58+00:00

Did you guys discuss this before marriage? This is a big thing to have never discussed, so I’m curious about what you have been doing so far and what (if any) was the agreed upon arrangement. My advice would honestly depend entirely on that- though generally I’m a fan of splitting the work by tasks/ adjusting as needed (one of us is sick, out of town, etc)

littleshroom · 2018-06-11T09:13:57+00:00

I am that awful wife that does leave some chores to husband. Even though i am a SAHM, we have a small child. I do 90% of household chores, the 10% are occasional dishwashing husband does or groceries maybe several times per month, or if i have started my period (thanks, endometriosis!). But parenting, once he is home, goes 50/50.

I wouldnt agree to me doing everything at home if we both worked full time. How are you supposed to get energy for sex if you act as a work horse all day and then a Maid at night? Its essentially doing two shifts. Screw that.

Id suggest - divide and conquer. Decide who does what, but leave some daily chores for him, too. Not just things that have to be done once a month like bills, but dishwashing, vacuuming. You do cooking and groceries.

I love doing what i do For my husband and family because he appreciates my work and we respect each others input. Your partner sounds disrespectful and entitled. I wouldnt want to do horseshit in your case. 50/50 until he understands how much work it is (unless you can afford a Maid and takeout every night).

subgirl182 · 2018-06-10T16:37:35+00:00

I feel like, if you try to split the chores, you will get mad at him for not doing it right. Whether we like it or not, women just are better and seeing what needs to be done around the home. I would just accept the household chores as part of life and ask him to give you a hand as you're doing it and tell him what needs doing (without micromanaging!). Men want to help but they don't want to be treated like children x

NotaNPC · 2018-06-12T22:14:53+00:00

Have you only been married a few weeks? I think it's fair thats a red sign if you already feel resentful for the chores you're doing.

How does your husband contribute to the household besides his income?

Lilviscious · 2018-06-13T09:27:38+00:00

I was in a similar position about a year ago when both me and my partner worked full-time, but in the end I was the one doing 90% of the chores and th other 10% would only get done if I explicitely asked him to do them, every single time. So exhausting and frustrating, I tell you. But it is the reality that you have to face: men are not prone to do chores, so your idea of doing 50-50 is admirable, but it might backfire.

In my case I confronted my partner about the difference in taking on chores, told him how frustrated I felt that most of my free time went into the household while he played games and went drinking. I concluded that I didn't mind one bit to do the entire household, but not in expense of my freetime. And so we agreed that I would work 32 hours and would use the other 8 hours spread over the week to do chores. Of course 8 hours does not come close to the amount of time it sometimes takes, but it gives me more peace of mind, and more planned opportunities.

If you wish to stay home, tell him so. You could do a trial run trying out your 50-50 divide of the chores, but you have to be honest with yourself and your husband if it doesn't work out.

HardTruths83 · 2018-07-29T20:59:08+00:00

Just keep in mind that the "house chores" also include things outside the house, like car maintenance, gardening, home repair, home improvement, etc. Laundry, cleaning and dishes aren't the only "house chores" involved, so don't forget about the ones he is already doing. Its a lot easier to teach a man to do dishes and run the washer/dryer than it is to teach a woman to diagnose a car, troubleshoot a rough-running lawn mower, fix a broken pipe, patch drywall, change a faulty circuit-breaker, put up a fence, etc. Not knocking women's skills, just reminding you that a large portion of "house chores" go on outside the house.

BewareTheOldMan · 2018-06-10T15:49:12+00:00

I don't know a husband in the world agreeable to this arrangement - hire a home assistant (HA) for daily tasks during the week and work the rest of it out for the weekend. That...or just take on all the tasks will no expectation of assistance, but show appreciation when it happens.

Also - how does that work - cleaning up after yourself, washing your own laundry, cooking for yourself, washing your own dishes etc., but not volunteering to do that for him?

Again - I don't know a husband in the world agreeable to this arrangement.

Willow-girl · 2018-06-11T12:10:48+00:00

Men don't clean. If you hold a gun to their head, sure, but even then they're likely to half-ass it. Sometimes you can get them to do a little, especially if it involves a tool of some sort, like running the vacuum cleaner, but generally the juice ain't worth the squeeze. Save yourself a lot of hassles and just hire a housecleaner.

2018-06-11T15:06:54+00:00

I plan on doing all the house work and we both work. My bf has told me he doesn’t clean because he doesn’t want to and I’m sure it’s the same for most men. I think just doing your stuff is petty and you might as well just be roomates. How hard is it to throw in your clothes with his or do all the dishes?

Title	Splitting household chores?
Author	bambiliftsweights
Upvotes	5
Comments	33
Date	June 10, 2018 1:33 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8q0t8p/splitting_household_chores/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/splitting-household-chores.67382 https://theredarchive.com/post/67382

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