Two X Comic completely missing the point of healthy relationship work balances.

Cardiscappa · 2017-05-22T18:56:48+00:00

colleague invited me over for dinner

when I got there she was feeding her kids while trying to prepare our meal

invited person does not offer to help, rather sits on the couch

There you have it folks.

TheGatherHunter · 2017-05-23T02:11:45+00:00

huh, strange how my girlfriend has never asked me if I need help mowing the lawn, cleaning the gutters, or doing plumbing work. I guess things like that don't count.

radioactivities9 · 2017-05-22T18:45:49+00:00

That's not a comic.

It's a fuckin' saga.

crownoffeathers · 2017-05-22T19:01:11+00:00

I might disagree with her conclusion, but I think it's so important to acknowledge that "mental load" and view it as real work.

I see a lot of men come to RPW and minimize maintaining a home and family as just cooking, cleaning, and babysitting. It's a lot more than that and it's a role to take pride in.

indianblanket · 2017-05-23T13:17:31+00:00

I am in agreement with the saga comic. Before you are put on the offensive, I do not agree with the "analysis" of why it's a thing, just that this is a problem that burdens one partner more than the other, and should be addressed in certain relationships (mine, for one).

We are married and both work full-time. While I do have the easier job, it is inconsequential to the behaviors in our home. He does not see the tasks that need to be done, but because I take the time to point them out to him, he has started taking up more responsibility for things that he knows are "coming due" or we do on certain days (laundry, mowing, dishes). Even when I make a task list, I'm still expected to verbally remind him until the task gets completed. I've tried many forms of communication, but most times it winds up being less of an emotional burden to just do the damn thing myself.

why is it up to men to bridge the communication gap on something they haven't been socialized for?

this comic is bridging the communication gap. it's a tool to be used to start a conversation. it's very hard for me to describe why "clearing the table" can have a completely different result depending on who completes the task.

By choosing to take pride in my planning role, by being grateful for my partner's other relationship contributions, and by learning to step back and trust that everything will work out I don't end up harboring resentment.

I'm sure this mindset will work out for you if you are not working full time. Otherwise, it's very difficult to feel pride when your options are working yourself to exhaustion during the week or putting it off until Saturday and having no real break before starting it all over again. There is a balance of workloads, but because the training in the men's department is so severely lacking in consideration of the details of running the home, the women's department takes the brunt of it.

the comic ends with a mention that household chores are not being done by men when women choose not to do them, but become the job of poor immigrant women

again, not that i agree with the whole, "let's blame the patriarchy for our inability to communicate with men", but the point of this section to me was that instead of teaching men to take on more domestic tasks, we just outsource it to more women who already know how to do it. this doesn't resolve a problem for our future generations of women.

Outsource the domestic tasks to your sons and outsource mowing/plumbing/repairs to your daughters. Teaching them to do the tasks they "don't want to do" or "aren't equipped to do" will give them more understanding of what their partner is doing in future.

isabeavis · 2017-05-23T13:49:11+00:00

So yes, the mental workload is real and exhausting. When both people are working it is absolutely not fair that men leave this completely to their wives because here's the thing, men are smart and capable. They have complex jobs where they use their brains every single day! They are capable of learning! I was not born knowing how to do these things, I learned them. I made an effort. This abdication of any responsibilities towards the home drives me bananas.

If my husband and I both work demanding jobs (and we do); why then is it up to me? Because I'm a woman? That gives license to men to raise their hands up helplessly when it's time to do the dishes?

That does nothing other than demean an man's intelligence and capabilities.

If I can change the oil in my car, replace my furnace filters, mow my lawn, and shovel snow off my roof in the winter, a man is certainly smart enough to learn how to 'see' when the sink is full of dirty dishes and DO something about it.

/rantover

FleetingWish · 2017-05-22T23:56:42+00:00

People don't remember things that aren't important to them. It is important to understand that we remember these things because keeping track of whether the house is clean, and the groceries are bought, etc etc, are more important to us. We cannot expect these to be as important to men.

But if you are at your wits end trying to keep up with everything, and you ask for his help, likely he will help you. Not because household chores are important to him, but because you are.

I think women just tend to be more detail-oriented, and men tend to be big-picture oriented. That is fine with me because I can keep track of details, but if a bear attacks me, I don't want the person who comes to my rescue to be someone that is really good at making lists.

youreallmeatanyway · 2017-05-23T00:43:17+00:00

From the way the comic is set up I'm left to believe that this is a stay at home mom. Which means that the husband works all day out of the home and the wife works within the home.

So how exactly is this a problem, especially since the husband was entertaining his guest? Should he have left her alone to go into the kitchen? That'd have been rude.

Gardrothard · 2017-05-23T04:46:41+00:00

TL;DR Men, why don't you read our minds?

lipidsly · 2017-05-22T20:03:51+00:00

the comic ends with a mention that household chores are not being done by men when women choose not to do them, but become the job of poor immigrant women. To that I say there is no shame in the honest work of cleaning, and in many cultures maids are not looked down upon, but treated with familiarity. The immigrant women who clean are filling a need and getting paid to do so, and if you feel their work is demeaning,

Reminds me of that one time on the view when ozzy osbournes kid said "if you deport all the immigrants, who will clean your toilet?"

As if thats all this underclass is good for.

Willow-girl · 2017-05-23T11:37:39+00:00

final unrelated note: the comic ends with a mention that household chores are not being done by men when women choose not to do them, but become the job of poor immigrant women.

We aren't all immigrants!

Hey, where else can you be paid $25 an hour to enjoy a good workout? :-D

tempintheeastbay · 2017-05-23T05:38:32+00:00

the part I agree with:

To echo /u/crownoffeathers I do also agree that "mental load" is real!

For instance when we go on road trips, my BF is firmly in charge. Even if he delegates a million little things to me, even if we take turns driving, at the end of the day he's way more tired than I am because he's been figuring things out all day and taking on the burden of designing a fun time for everyone. The opposite holds true for most parties we hold. :) He might go get the wine for me but I'm the one checking to see everyone's having a good time and figuring out who needs to be next to who and whether so-and-so is getting bored...

My point is, we should consider mental load when figuring out what a reasonable distribution of work is :)

what I don't agree with:

there are better ways to bring that up probably! (Than this comic suggests)

electrokiwi · 2017-05-24T04:49:55+00:00

I showed it to my bf and he said it was a real eye opener. He asked what he could do to help lighten my mental load. I pointed out to him how after I clean and straighten up and say "all you gotta do is take out the trash." I come back a week later and the trash is still full and hadn't been taken out I'm like seriously I did everything else you had one job. I think it also helps we won't ever be having kids.

[deleted] · 2017-05-22T19:45:29+00:00

Yeah I have a handful of problems with this comic, besides the fact that it sounds like whiny feminists at it again to make the world a better place! 1) You're right it encourages women to not step up and communicate because the man should already know what to do (the patriarchy!) 2) This would be less of an issue if the women didn't work after giving birth. Of course this is not an option for every couple, but is ultimately a financial state of living worth striving for. 3) Men aren't clean. If it was up to them they'd live in a cardboard box as long as it's got cable and internet. Women are nesters, that's why most are so concerned with keeping a clean house. Again if the woman is so swamped with housework, don't assume the man knows what to do, just ask him and give clear instructions! This comic writer is passive-aggressive as all hell 4) More paternity leave may be desirable by some, but for the same reason it's more difficult for women to move up the corporate ladder, it will be just as difficult for men if they take all that time off work to help with the baby. Does wifey want husband to help around more or make more money? Hard to have both. 5) Immigrant labor...the working women and single mothers do realize that most babysitters are immigrants right? They're taking advantage of a system just as much as any rich family that hires a nanny.

Title	Two X Comic completely missing the point of healthy relationship work balances.
Author	electrokiwi
Upvotes	29
Comments	27
Date	May 22, 2017 6:11 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6coyol/two_x_comic_completely_missing_the_point_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/two-x-comic-completely-missing-the-point-of.2605 https://theredarchive.com/post/2605

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