When do I give up?

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2024-06-17T02:27:17+00:00

Your man is emotionally and financially abusing you. I am almost without question sure that your name is not on that property deed.

If you want to stay with him then that’s your choice.

vegancigarette · 2024-06-17T02:34:11+00:00

The relationship doesn’t sound very stable if he’s broken up with you several times. Don’t make someone tell you they don’t want you twice. He also doesn’t even sound traditional.

mistressusa · 2024-06-17T03:02:30+00:00

You should have given up when he first broke up with you. But still, better today than tomorrow. He doesn't want to marry you and he is not husband material anyway.

Jenneapolis · 2024-06-17T02:14:02+00:00

How is he a traditional guy? What actions has he done to show you that he’s traditional?

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-06-17T04:54:16+00:00

An on again, off again relationship is not a relationship. There's nothing to give up, I'm afraid, only reality to face.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-06-17T12:21:02+00:00

You're wasting your best years on this man. This is when you have the greatest chance to find a man who actually wants a traditional relationship. Don't squander it on toxicity and drama under some sunk cost fallacy. The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now.

basedviet · 2024-06-17T05:05:39+00:00

2.5 years ago. Cut your losses and move on.

flexibleaspect · 2024-06-17T03:40:57+00:00

"I shit tested him in the beginning and it caused him to stay very angry for about a year... "

What type of shit testing would make someone mad for a whole year? Was it reasonable for him to be mad for a whole year?

He sounds immature and entitled. Also, once a cheater, always a cheater... and trying to date other women is cheating.

ClarityByHilarity · 2024-06-17T14:07:57+00:00

This isn’t a good relationship or anything worth investing more years into. He’s not planning to marry you, is cheating, breaks up with you randomly (he likely started a fight over the ask for help so he wouldn’t have to follow through on the trip you’d planned. Your birthday isn’t about him so why would he want to invest in it?)

Frankly it sounds like everything is about him and nothing is about you. You are in the best years of your life and if you choose to invest those into this man, that’s your choice. I would not.

reddishrobin · 2024-06-17T13:00:14+00:00

Read up on vetting. This man should have failed your vetting process and been 'nexted' ages ago. You are not doing anything wrong. It's him that's being abusive and is not husband material. You can't turn a sow's ear into a silk purse. If I were you I would cut my losses, move out, go no contact and search for someone better and vet better. Good luck.

Recent-Cat4611 · 2024-06-17T14:37:19+00:00

If you had a younger sister dating someone like him, what would you say to her?

Proper_Imagination94 · 2024-06-17T19:12:42+00:00

To answer your questions

a) yes you should move out. In 1.5 years it's enough time for him to know whether you are his forever lady and for him to commit fully to you ( engagement as this is what you want).

b) On what you are doing wrong. I would suggest that you work on implementing boundaries.Boundaries on how he talks to you, how he reacts when angry towards you.

Also work on your improving your self worth more. Your value in the relationship is more than the house chores. Yes running a household is a full time job and crucial. Yet your feminine essence, loyalty, time, company is priceless. Once you believe that you will radiate that and he will be a fool to let you go as the next one will snatch you up.

He doesn't sound traditional to me based on what you have mentioned a) abuse b) forcing you to move in with him after 6 months. c) constant infedelity d) doesn't hold his word.

Paying the bills alone doesn't make a man traditional nor do you become a traditional woman by doing house chores. There are other values, mindset and character that are of equal importance. Also don't confuse power, control with leadership.

Spending your early 20s playing house to a BF and renovating a house that ain't yours for a temporary promise of marriage with no specific time frame set , is a waste of time in my opinion.

To me it seems like you are a placeholder. You are helping him with house chores, sexual available, companionship and renovations labour. Once the house is done and he finds his dream woman it might be over for you.

I would recommend moving out and letting him know the only way you will be 'his" again is with a ring on your finger ( Engagement not promise ring) and the wedding date set. On YouTube you will find videos from a lady called Adrinne Ever heart l. Watch those with the title walking away, walking away for commitment and Tools to get his commitment fast.

Wish you all the best with whichever decision you make.

SecretFeminine · 2024-06-17T09:11:16+00:00

When we talk about giving wife privileges to boyfriends, this is what we mean. And what is it? When one side invests more than the other. I am never a proponent of withholding but you've given him a lot of free labor and all it cost him is words. If you're going to make it work, can you move back in with your parents? I am not a fan of break up then make up but it seems difficult to repair what you've got while you're still living in the eye of the storm.

PsychoticNurse · 2024-06-17T20:35:02+00:00

A traditional man would not belittle a woman. Traditional men value and appreciate women and the balance we bring to their lives. Take this as a lesson and apply it to your next relationship.

And in the future, don't shit test men. No one likes that. Just go slow with him and vet him while dating before you have sex and move in with him. It's not a good idea to move in with a man until you're engaged at minimum. What motivation does he have to marry you if you're giving him everything now?

He's treating you like this because you're allowing it. Cut your losses and move on. For me, finding him on a dating site would be the end of our relationship. If a man is treating you as an option, remove yourself from the equation to make his decision easier.

Start respecting yourself and set your standards higher. Don't allow abusive behavior. The longer you stay with him, the more damage he will do to your confidence and self esteem, so you'll be too messed up for a good man who will actually love you.

TheBunk_TB · 2024-06-18T00:01:14+00:00

Sunk cost

Time to move on

manolosandmartinis44 · 2024-06-18T16:08:11+00:00

Last week I turned 25

Happy birthday! Shame he didn't take you out. Some "traditional guy" he seems...

AutoModerator · 2024-06-17T02:04:54+00:00

Title: When do I give up?

Author Organic_Grape_3488

Full text: I've been dating my boyfriend for 2.5 years. It started off as a whirlwind... He's my 2nd sexual partner. I told him sex was really important to me and I didn't want to have it unless we were going to get married and be together very early on....

I shit tested him in the beginning and it caused him to stay very angry for about a year... He started to insult how I dressed, spoke, etc. It was hard to leave because i thought he was mad and would let it go but it just never seemed to be let go. He also pushed me for sex and said all the right things... He pressured me to move in with him early on with an ultimatum which unbalanced our relationship because I became dependent on him. 9 months in he broke up with me... I moved home... we got back together a week later. I moved in. I thought he was speaking to someone else but I figured I was paranoid. He was... I just didn't find out for another year...

I've now caught him on bumble multiple times... Last August, I caught him and he cried and begged for forgiveness. I gave it to him... he's not having sex with these women but he's looking for someone new... better.... We picked out a home 1.5 years ago and we're renovating it together... I put A LOT of physical of labor in this home... It's not fair that he will give years of my sacrifices to someone else...

Last week I turned 25, we were supposed to go on a trip together. He's been working on building a garage on the property we picked together.... he told me that a friend was stopping over and I asked for help to tidy up (because he always says I just have to ask for help), he acted really mad that I would even ask for help... he ended up breaking up with me... blew off our camping trip... we got back together... or so I thought until I found the texts to other girls.... he says he doesn't like me or want a future with me anymore but hes said that before...

His mom thinks he's overwhelmed and doesnt know what he wants. and I should just wait out his anger till his stress lowers once this project is done....

He says he wanted a traditional wife/gf but he belittled my poor economic status. Now I have a better job and make money and he dislikes me because I am a "career woman".

Should I move out? Is there any way to fix my relationship? He's a "traditional guy", what am I doing wrong?

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Direct-Ad-5394 · 2024-06-17T21:20:07+00:00

If I was you I would end things and move on. For me when a relationship gives you more suffering than happiness, that's the main reason. It donest have to be that hard to choose. The harsh part is when you done it. There will be times when you will want to get back just to feel secure again. But that's just a feeling. I came back with someone only to find out that the same issues are repeating again. But is your choice. Good luck 🤞🏻

Kasumyi · 2024-06-24T21:43:50+00:00

Your relationship looks done for to me. Even if he was capable of change, he’s clearly already capable of such abuse. He’s extremely abusive, look at the trauma he caused. He doesn’t care about having a healthy relationship, neither of you even know what that looks like in real life.

You’re trying to save your relationship but you’ve been doing that for years & he even gotten worse. ”Abusive relationships start in 1 way only & end in 1 way only”, never forget that. This is out of a horror relationship movie, the only thing he’s missing is beating you up. The power dynamics are even in his favour.

I agree with what everyone is saying, there’s no saving this, this will NOT end in a fairytale. For future reference, always remember this "It doesn't matter how good a person is; if they're a bad person, they're bad. Period" people always use the good they do to mask how evil they are, guilt trip you, gaslight you, or blind you from how much they've harmed/tortured you, either way it's one of the main reasons why people allow themselves to get stuck in toxic friendships/relationships... As long as someone is painful to be around don't let yourself stay because of their 'good' side, real friends would never fit under this category but somehow 'men who claim to like us' do? Protect yourself sis.

Read this book when you can “Who's Pulling Your Strings? How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life” it’s not a HV women book but more of a self care therapy book to help spot run from abuse. This book will help you with opening your eyes, you couldn’t possible ever want him again. Sis I am sooo worried for you and I’m sorry I’m just rambling.

Once you leave he’ll come back after 1-2 months or more, crying, begging, gaslighting, making 100s promises, manipulative, use dumb logic etc… you have to resist, do not come back, think “it will never matter how much he changes, I will never get back the same man I fell for” (surely he was lovebombing or an ok bf at the beginning of the relationship).

Heavenlywind · 2024-06-18T15:50:09+00:00

Should have left when he started insulting you.

Kasumyi · 2024-06-24T22:14:03+00:00

I’m sorry but please leave, you’re half blind in seeing how BHADDD of a situation this is. There’s so much to say I feel like I’m rambling. Do you know what trauma bonding is?

Also he’s shown you, multiple times, that he doesn't respect or value you. Crying and begging for forgiveness are just tactics to keep you around when it suits him. Actions speak louder than words, and his actions scream disrespect and disinterest in a genuine partnership.

Claiming he wants a "traditional wife/girlfriend" is just an excuse to belittle you. A truly traditional man would respect and support his partner, not tear them down. He's using this as a weapon to destroy your confidence & keep you emotionally dependent on him.

I can go forever & you know this.

You know with your full heart this is toxic. You know he’s even capable of toxicity, it will never matter how many promises or changes he makes, he’s capable of abuse period. If you were to get married in the future how will you know he won’t immediately become even more abusive? After a baby? Don’t you dread a future with this man? Stop lying to yourself.

Title	When do I give up?
Author	Organic_Grape_3488
Upvotes	4
Comments	39
Date	June 17, 2024 2:04 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1dhn83y/when_do_i_give_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/when-do-i-give-up.1521791 https://theredarchive.com/post/1521791

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