how do you guys handle breakups so well?

abdada · 2015-07-21T23:48:42+00:00

All it takes is time. Time and watching her gain 20lbs in a year or two.

MattyAnon · 2015-07-22T00:42:52+00:00

While she was out making friends I was home alone with our roommates who were married.

I think you've learned why this was a mistake.

I've even tried going out because I live in south Florida but I had a bad case of severe social anxiety.

You need to fix this. There is no good place in the world for weak or scared men. Baby steps though. Just keep working at it, gently but constantly. Push yourself always, but never so much it's overly stressful. But don't stop. Good looking lose has an intense anti anxiety program (free, use google). Or just do it yourself as you can.

Have an idea what you want out of life, and make positive steps (this means actually DOING something) towards it every day. Won't fix the social side, but working on your dream is that best thing to talk about ever. Also, it's what you should be fucking doing anyway.

And as it won't fix the social side, here's some concrete suggestions to help you feel better socially:

Lift some fucking heavy shit. Really. T Boost is important right now.
Exercise, at least 20 mins a day, ideally 30. This is the best anti-depression medication money can buy. For free. Proper cardio. (Slightly out of breath continuously).
Look as good as you possibly can, regardless of how you feel. (Makes you feel better, and everyone else responds to how you look)
Talk to as many people as you can every day. Don't stress it. Their responses are not relevant. Read this a few times until you get it. Then do it.
Join 3-5 hobby type groups in your spare time (eg yoga, public speaking, juggling, anything that you are vaguely interested in). After 3-4 sessions these places sort of accept you and warm to you, and often have a good social side (eg bar afterwards). Stick with all of them, until you replace each of them with better. Aim to take nothing from them, be non needy, follow the rules, and contribute. Noone likes a leech. Everyone loves someone with something to offer. This should be emotionally and not financially of course.
Consider counselling. Someone to talk to, without this whole fake GFE thing. Trained professionals will listen better than hookers. Upgrade/change if they start to show any blue pill tendencies (many will, for reasons beyond the scope of this reply).
Aim to get some male friends. Don't talk to them about any of this shit either. Noone likes a whiner, everyone has their own fucking problems, especially with women. They don't need yours. But a great set of similarly minded male friends is fabulous to have. Enjoy their company. Don't look to them to fix you. You need rebuilding, you don't need someone to listen to you. Seriously. Rebuild. Don't whine. Fucking build. It's what men do. Offer people something. Invite people you've just met to a fun bar you know (don't know anyway? visit them all). Think that's a retarded, stupid, gay plan? Fuck you, it's what people need in life. And you're offering it. It'll feel weird, but before you know it you'll have a kicking social life.

Realise that you miss your ex, and that's fine. But never ever count on a woman for anything in this world. Ever. That way lies madness, cuckoldry, and being another victim of hypergamy. Just don't fucking do it. Find absolutely any other way. Build a life that noone can take away from you. Noone. Not under any circumstances. And especially not women, who feel entitled to the moon on a stick before they complain you didn't sprinkle the stars on it for her.

Last of all, women. Whatever. Build all the rest of it. Have women if you like, who cares. Not relevant. If you look good, get social, they'll come. Or not. Fix that later. Or not. Don't worry about it right now AT ALL, you've got a solid foundation of life to lay first, that is impregnable to all things with a Y chromosome.

blackscholesmodel · 2015-07-22T01:01:39+00:00

This is the time you spend on yourself and seeing how great you can become. You'll be surprised when you start to prefer being single. It's a clear-headed guttural high, where it feels like you can take over the world.

largerthanlyfe · 2015-07-22T04:59:33+00:00

My last breakup I handled terribly. Depressed, on the edge, substance abuse, you name it.

Why? Because I got over invested in the relationship, when she wasn't investing. I built her up in my head and thought of her as some special snowflake. And I sacrificed my time doing shit I didn't like so long as it "made her happy". Blue pill shit. I thought that she'd hate me if I didn't do things completely her way.

Well me and the girl actually started seeing each other again on my terms. I never did shit that I didn't feel like doing, even if she begged. I always had to have something in it for me. I did the 2/3s investment rule, letting her get further into it than me. And I didn't stop talking to other girls, and kept an honest channel that I was. I kept investing my time in furthering me. And when she got mad at me recently, I had no reason to give a shit.

I GAINED value from our latter interactions. Any moment I spent with her was for my own happiness, I didn't sacrifice and over invest. You my friend, are probably in debt if you care about this girl. You lost the gamble. You burned your cash (time, emotional investment, whatever) when she was frugal as it gets.

Oh and take a moment to realize you don't need anyone at all. It took a while for me to realize it, and it was depressing to know at the end of the day nobody save your family (if you're fortunate enough to have a strong one) will be there for you. But once it sinks in you realize you've gotta be your lover. We're animals my man, wanting people and women in our lives is natural. But if you bypass those animalistic instincts you can set your mind on greater goals.

First off, develop an abundance mindset. There are a million beautiful and LTR-worthy girls, friends, jobs, whatevers out there. You could fuck it up with 1,000 of each of those and still find 10,000 more. Realize how abundant this world is. The most important thing is the center of your own existence.

You need to become completely devoted to yourself and treat yourself like you'd treat somebody you're absolutely crazy about. Becoming your own best friend is the best thing you can ever do. Talk to yourself, become your own cheerleader. You need to start investing in yourself. Leading yourself into victory.

Realize that the abundant world is always there, and take some time to realize being single is actually quite ideal. Nobody is going to get mad at you for investing your own time in yourself when you're single, which is the best strategy for attracting the kind of circumstances we all want.

Once you invest enough in yourself you'll realize how the world slowly starts playing along with your strategy and investing in you.

I'm going to assume you're in your 20s. If you're not getting legitimately old there is no reason you should prioritize investing in anyone besides yourself and maybe your family.

Think of it this way. If you're a below average worker and lose your job, you're going to freak the fuck out. But if you're the top dog in your field and your value is hard to match by others it'll be extremely hard to lose your job and if you do you can hop right into another one. Same with relationships tbh. If you are valuable enough in certain qualities, it's harder to fuck up a relationship, and it's easier to find a new one. Be that guy every girl wants, be the candidate every employer wants, own the business with the product everyone wants and people will end up coming to you even if you're not so noble. Think about all the heartless corporations humanity supports because of the value it adds to their lives.

The world is abundant, focus all of your energy on how to become one who attracts the abundance. There's no better investment of your time, especially if you're young. Eventually the world will do nice things for you. It's the ultimate battle but those who succeed attract the best outcomes.

Trithen · 2015-07-22T02:01:58+00:00

It takes work, but you definitely have to gradually change your mentality when it comes to breaking up. Ego can hurt you, but the same ego can also help you maintain an air of confidence. The whole concept of "fake it until you make it" can also be applied here. If you project an image of confidence, eventually you might even convince yourself that it's true.

STOP texting her. Stop. Stop. Stop. Do not reply to her. I broke up with my ex 4 years ago (when I was still beta) and things were good but I was still in love with her. I just had the self-decency to realize when I'm being treated like shit so broke it off hoping she would come back to me. I was picking up the pieces, getting better over time. Decided to try online dating and met a couple of college girls around my area that were interested (No idea why because I told them about her like a fucking bitch).

Anyway, 4 months later she messages me out of nowhere all lovey-dovey like before. Instead of ignoring her I engaged in conversation, and long story short she just pretends like we never broke up in the first place and tries to get with me again. That's the straw that broke the camel's back. Even before that I wanted to get together with her, but that solitary act made me despise her and see her as nothing but useless and manipulative. The spell was broken.

STOP.

BrunoOh · 2015-07-22T00:00:14+00:00

Since we broke up I realized that I literally have no one to talk to about anything anymore, no friends

That's the biggest problem you have right now.

Go play a team sport. Something where you drink beers afterwards. Easiest way to socialize with people you don't know.

DreDawgg · 2015-07-22T00:54:34+00:00

I banged her and still talked to her for a little. Maybe two'ish weeks. Since there was no more "real" commitment all it took was a few longing stares from beautiful lonely girls to remind me why everything is going to be okay.

thegorechild · 2015-07-22T01:36:47+00:00

You know what to do but you're lacking the discipline to carry it out.

I just need someone to lay in my bed and talk to me...

What the actual fuck bro? If you need someone to lay in your bed and talk to, try having conversations with yourself about some of the required reading on the sidebar.

Remember, and this is important, you are responsible for your own happiness and well-being. Women do not love as we do and they certainly don't have the same responsibilities.

Go the fuck outside to a park and start talking to people. Grab a clipboard and come up with a bullshit survey. If someone smiles when you're talking to them, male or female, have a goddamn conversation.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Crying in your bedroom? Fuck that, you'll be graduated with a great job and giving facials to 21 year old sluts.

Your original question was, "How do you guys handle breakups so well?" Here's the secret: the first one always sucks, it gets easier with time and experience.

mikeshinobi · 2015-07-22T02:23:35+00:00

There's no time like the first time. That first time a female cuts you really deep is the worst. I remember mine - I was completely and utterly distraught for weeks, maybe even months. Honestly, it's by far the worst emotional pain I've felt in my life so far.

The thing is, I could get over a breakup now really easily because I can't picture me ever allowing myself to have feelings for a female the way I did that first time. Especially now that I've found TRP.

trp_hamlet · 2015-07-22T02:28:20+00:00

Give yourself a specific amount of time to regroup. Like 2-3 days max. During this period you need to soul-search. What do you actually want out of life? Talking 20 year plan, here. Sit in your room, in a park, go somewhere beautiful. Just set this time aside. It's the biggest decision you'll ever make. You'll also be surprised at how certain you become. And the answer will come. Figure out your passion.
Start planning. Consider your own weaknesses and implement time management strategies that will work for you. Set goals and be meticulous. In TRP terms, plan your monk mode. This step should only take a day or two, max, but will be subject to improvements as you execute it.
Execute, and don't take anyone else's unsolicited opinion.

Source: 30 year old male, grew up reasonably smart and pretty lazy. Never had a passion until I did the above. The discipline didn't come until I had a purpose.

MUTHAFATHAGENTLEMAN · 2015-07-22T15:47:48+00:00

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Invalidity · 2015-07-22T00:09:42+00:00

After your first few breakups, it should be pretty easy. It's pretty much killing a part of your humanity - the part that clings on to the notion of "the one".

If you've ever only had a few break-ups, each of those break-ups will have a greater impact on you. It's equivalent to why women who have had sex with many men do not make good long-term partners - because they are so desensitized to bonding.

After awhile, you're just thinking to yourself, "When's the next one?" Don't place too much value in relationships - in this day and age, they will all eventually end, and sooner rather than later.

crazydave1979 · 2015-07-22T03:19:28+00:00

Breakup in summer during motorcycle season.

Pick up curb monkey before fall

mykonos_rm · 2015-07-22T01:01:29+00:00

It's all about preventative measures, something that's gained and learned over the course of experience. The more you date and fuck around the less emotionally invested you get. It's because you were so emotionally invested in the first place that you're going through such a rut.

yummyluckycharms · 2015-07-22T01:24:30+00:00

You seem to wondering how to fill your time productively without spending money. Let me offer you some helpful tips

1) Go sign up for a course at your local municipality or online.

2) go to the library and read newspapers or a book

3) Work out

4) Sacrifice a bit and go to a pawn shop and buy a guitar - you should be able to pick up a basic one for 50 bucks

5) in a similar vein, since you are in florida, fishing could be a good thing.

GridHack · 2015-07-22T03:04:44+00:00

Find a hobby. Are there any special interests you have that can be done solo? Maybe something you thought of years ago but never made the time for? Once you get into something and learn more about the fundamentals, or hell maybe you find you are a prodigy in whatever this subject is, then try finding special interest groups on said subject. Meetup.com is one place that I know I have found weird niche groups for all sorts of stuff and many smaller sub Reddits tend to have some sort of meetup from time to time. It would help to be around like minded people who are really only focusing this one topic which for your sake I hope has nothing to do with women. For me it is electronic music. When shit gets really bad and I can't even focus on anything let alone making music, I will just start up an evolving drone sound on one of my synthesizers and just start carving out a soundscape that fits my mood. Something about it just helps reset my brain in a way. I would hope you could find a hobby that would give you a similar release.

Noctis_Cloud · 2015-07-22T03:14:20+00:00

It sucks, no way around it. Eventually, you will stop giving a shit about her. The more you read about RP you will look at the next girl different, and you will notice a difference. That aching, gnawing feeling of wanting "the one"...is gone. So now women don't have that power and it's crazy but they want you more for it.

Doctorpepperpants · 2015-07-22T03:24:29+00:00

Are you me OP? A lot of your situation was word for word what I went through back in March. Honestly man, I'm still hurting a little bit, but life has improved drastically for me since the breakup, and it's going to be the same for you as long as you power through it. It's crazy how easily we can place our entire focus on another person while at the same time sacrificing our own quality of life (at least before you fully swallow the pill) After my breakup, I found myself without a single friend for 100 miles, lost my job a few weeks later, the apartment that we were splitting became my responsibility to pay, and she got a new dude like a week after. I literally felt like I was going to have a heart attack for days on end. What I realized is all that shit you feel after the breakup is maybe 25% missing the person you've grown accustomed to living with, and 75% of your mind realizing that you're so far off course from chasing your life goals that it sends you into a panic. Good job with the gym keep that shit up. Every day ask yourself how you're going to be better than yesterday, cut out any drinking/smoking/vices if you have any, go online and join a group that meets in person (I joined a car meet and met tons of new friends on day 1), practice a hobby a couple times a week, and make plans for moving towards your idea of happiness for the future. Also, the amount of younger and more attractive girls out there is insane man, everything except the time that you spent with her is completely replaceable. You're going to laugh one day looking back on this.

projectself · 2015-07-22T04:23:31+00:00

You probably need to understand that she is already fucking someone else, and if I honest, probably has been for some time.

You stopped being attractive, she bonded with new friends. She ditched you on valentines day to hang out with others? Dude it was over then. You were living together, and then she moved out on July 1st? Dude, it's been over. Relationships do not move backwards like that.

You need to move on.

mada0207 · 2015-07-22T06:06:31+00:00

If you havent watched RSDfreetour "structural integrity" video i highly suggest you as i had a girlfriend who did the exact same thing to me, we have a son. As i left at home watching him while she wouldnt come back home till 3 in the morning saying she was just hanging out. WAtch that video. It changed my veiw on things in my life and really helped me through all this bullshit. Now i am glad i got her out of my life.

Stythe · 2015-07-22T08:02:21+00:00

Look man, relationships are like addiction. You can stop the drug, but you can't force yourself to not want it. Getting over that takes time. If you spend that time thinking about her, you'll crave the drug. Remind yourself why you need to move on. Remind yourself that every minute you spend thinking about her is a minute spend longing for something that is unhealthy for you. Force yourself to keep busy while you let your body handle the emotional roller coaster. Are you sad? Pick up a guitar and learn a sad song. Are you angry? Lift weights, get physical. Enjoy the good times while they're there.

Don't try to ignore the feeling, just understand that life sucks sometimes, and when it sucks is when you have to stand up and punch it in the face.

As for your lack of contacts, join a club, or pick up a hobby you can learn that others can help with. Even just go walk up to people and have random conversations to kill time. Say hi to a shop owner and kill 10 minutes with idle banter.

There's a saying I've seen here "You were fine before her, you'll be fine after." Don't forget it. Even if you slip up, remind yourself that your goal is to stop. You can do it. C'mon big guy. Atta boy.

beltwaytr · 2015-07-22T09:19:01+00:00

Break ups are easy to deal with when you don't make your girlfriend the center of your universe. I tell guys time and time again to give women the smallest amount of time humanly possible. It increases your value but most important of all it makes the coming and going of women in your life a non factor!

You need to get yourself a hobby or something you are passionate about and focus on that. What you are going through is nothing more than a oneitis withdrawal. In all seriousness find that passion or hobby and go at it.

tehwankingwalruses · 2015-07-22T09:34:14+00:00

Two words. Abundance. Mentality.

Yes it sucks when shit doesn't work out, but there are 7 billion people on earth. The fantasy that you've met "the one" when you haven't even met probably 15,000 people in your life time is absurd. If it doesn't work out with one girl there are at least 1.5 billion other women available.

shinobicrs · 2015-07-22T21:12:31+00:00

if you believe in God or a higher power...

"God will never put you through anything you cannot handle." it is your job as a living man to overcome your obstacles. you will be faced with adversity with every major step in your life and the higher you reach, the more the adversaries will try and leach. beware. know your lane and wander along. run if you have to. but by all means don't let anyone hold you back.

view this female as weight-training. you are running in your path of destiny. you have her tied around your ankles and sitting on your shoulders. maybe for 1 month, maybe for 6.. but as soon as you remove the weights, you've noticed your running becomes effortless. your endurance and stamina have increased, and your speed tenfold.

you are being tested by the almighty father himself. he wants to see what you are capable of becoming. he is challenging you and it is your choice whether you accept his challenge or not. become the alpha or die the beta. the choice is yours.

godbless

hornybadgerslaya · 2015-07-22T10:10:37+00:00

On the topic of making friends just start doing new things. I've made plenty through doing martial arts classes and just meeting random people at bars. If thats not your thing just find some group activties like hiking, cooking classes, speed dating even and make sure you're meeting new people and find a new social circle.

CuntyMcFagNuts69 · 2015-07-22T13:12:00+00:00

Heres what you do..

See that sidebar right there ------------->

Read it again. You obviously are missing some lessons from it if you are this hurt. You are feeling hopeless because you suffer from a disease called Oneitis. It is curable though.

Hit the gym, either GFTOW or Monk Mode. You are way too emotionally invested and you can't be. Better yourself and yourself only

TheDialecticParadox · 2015-07-22T13:34:24+00:00

Think of the great men you know in your life. What do they have in common? What inspires you about them?

Do you think they would care if their LTR left them? They would tell that bitch to walk into on-coming traffic and find himself a new, sexier dame.

Don't ever go backwards. Let her go and build on what you already have.

rembilo · 2015-07-22T14:37:30+00:00

I don't know if anyone handles breakups well. What is different among people is how they choose to rebuild themselves after the breakup.

I moped for 3 months after my break up in Oct 2014 and started running which continued for a couple of months. Then I joined a gym. I was 74 kg at 22% body fat when I started & 4 months later I was 79 kg at 10% body fat. Now I run 3 days a week & am at the gym 4 days (some days overlap). You won't believe how ugly a couple of women have been among the ones I've been with since then but it is a slow and steady road back.

I'm not jacked but am definitely in better shape than most of the men around me. I get glances (not many, but I have noticed a few). Try new things, different from what you might have tried in the past. You'll discover something that gives you joy. Stick with it and keep on discovering. A few months later you'll find you've become a different, and much better, man.

aguy01 · 2015-07-22T15:51:47+00:00

One thing I'll say that will run contrary to what a lot of people here recommend is to go easy on the exercise. Over training will destroy your testosterone and raise your stress hormones, which is the worst case scenario right now. Also, keep your calories up because calorie deprivation can have the same effect as overtraining. Take it easy for the next week or two while you recalibrate to the single life. And definitely go no contact.

chb1000001 · 2015-07-22T16:46:48+00:00

My first post-TRP breakup was surprisingly easy.

I'd been slowly learning RP for some time, and had been starting to realize, "Oh, so that's why she told me to give up on the gym," and "Now I know why she's stopped trying to be companionable around me."

Then she did a big no-no, and acted like an entitled biznatch when I called her on it. I told her to get her things and go, and she did with only a little resistance. Mostly, she was mad because this meant I wasn't going to be taking her on a vacation that we had planned (for me to pay for.)

Afterwards, I was not sad, but relieved. I think, when you understand how women are - even only partially - it helps with that.

You see, I don't get sad if my tires get bald, because tires get bald. They were great tires, and not cheap, but now they're done with. My old computer used to be a bleeding-edge gaming rig, but then it got too old to be much good; that happens. I got a new computer, and no wistful feelings for the old one.

If you can get to where you think of a relationship the same way, it's better.

[deleted] · 2015-07-22T16:52:16+00:00

I would look into more traditional western philosophies and traditions such as alcoholism. Also my dad and a coworker told me that a counselor helps immensely and they both regret not talking to one sooner. I'm going to give it a shot, you should too.

Jessie_James · 2015-07-22T18:20:14+00:00

Get out of the house. At all costs. Dress up nicely and go somewhere for lunch, dinner, a drink, to shoot pool, any-fucking-thing. Learn to be social, buy a book or see a therapist if needed.

Staying at home is death.

the_red_scimitar · 2015-07-22T18:36:33+00:00

Simple: true abundance mentality. Spin plates, and acquire news ones regularly.

slutnip · 2015-07-22T20:37:21+00:00

Damn I wish I found this site 5 years ago and saw these comments

All the comments here are good advice. I would like to add a comment that a mentor told me at the time that took me a long time to understand

He said "There's always another train coming" Ill probably write a post on it soon but its true. This is a great mindset that you will eventually fall into if for say you mess something up or it just doesnt work out. Just get back on your horse if you fall off and try again

PantsonFire1234 · 2015-07-22T21:08:31+00:00

This story is excruciatingly textbook. I'm just going to assume that you aren't some troll and weigh in to help you out. Perhaps some things have been mentioned already, I have no time to read the comments.

While she was out making friends I was home alone with our roommates who were married.

This was a big mistake. She was expanding her social circle, meeting new guys. You got complacent and put all your eggs in one basket. Next time don't let a girl claim so much stock. Compare it to owning a company, when you sell your stock to one person that person will own you. Invest your personal stock (a.k.a time/attention) in multiple things. When an investment fails to pay off, relay your freed up time to a new opportunity.

Since we broke up I realized that I literally have no one to talk to about anything anymore.

I know this sucks, it's a transition you will have to make. Everyone needs company from time to time. You're supposed to be a man however and needing to talk to people is a flaw. It makes you dependable. Suck it up and get used to being alone at times.

I need help. I started talking to her a few days after.

You made a great step to go no contact. Talking to her afterwards compromised everything however. Don't screw up again, don't talk to her ever. Focus on YOU

but I had a bad case of severe social anxiety

This is not abnormal after a bad break up. You're confidence has been shaken and you have lost your own identity. Put your efforts in self improvement for now, go monk mode. Wait with partying and such for when you have recovered. The anxiety will slowly leave and you feel more confident.

Right now I sit at home and try to sleep as much as I can to avoid thinking about her because there is nothing else for me to do.

There's always something to do. I get that this is how you currently feel. Stop wasting your time and invest instead. Expand your knowledge, read or pick up a new hobby. Picking up guitar was one of the best things I did after my break up. It's a worthwhile skill and great for expressing yourself emotionally.

it is me reaching out to her looking desperate and I don't see us getting back together any time soon.

You will never get back together, get that through your head. Get in the right mindset or you will fail for weeks to come.

I've been in a similar situation, I know what it's like. Be hard on yourself or life will be even harder, start making a change right now. Quit the defeatist attitude. Be successful.

trinitys_dildo · 2015-07-23T00:00:46+00:00

Sounds like you are on the right track with getting good grades and lifting but they aren't everything and will take time to work.

Try going out to bars where there are pool tables and playing pool. Activity + booze is good medicine for your social anxiety (don't over do it on the booze though).

If you aren't that good at pool do some reading about spin, banked shots etc if you're going to go play you may as well get good at it. Being good at pool is somewhat attractive to girls

danxmason · 2015-07-23T12:34:30+00:00

10 day meditation. Www.dhamma.org then acquire friends. Do not talk to her

TheJollySatan · 2015-07-23T16:43:40+00:00

Abundance mentality and holding frame make it so much easier.

I've gotten to the stage where i resent the thought of giving a woman any power over me. It makes me sick. It also quietly inflates my ego when i see the reaction i get by staying in control and walking away from situations when it's called for.

No one can hurt you after you have that kind of control over yourself.

Once you've self actualized, you're in control of the outcome, not your emotions and not the oneitis you pined over.

rpscrote · 2015-07-24T17:23:16+00:00

Read the sidebar. Lift. Don't contact her again. Under any circumstances. No -- that stupid fucking reason you're thinking right now is not an excuse. No -- it doesn't matter that she needs to pick up a fucking sweat shirt. No godamn excuses. Dont fucking text her.

We handle breakups well because we know women are replaceable, and we replace them.

Title	how do you guys handle breakups so well?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	13
Comments	83
Date	July 21, 2015 11:46 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3e4vka/how_do_you_guys_handle_breakups_so_well/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/how-do-you-guys-handle-breakups-so-well.34878 https://theredarchive.com/post/34878

Comments

godbless