Who else failed in their self-improvement journey?

redpillschool · 2025-03-27T14:18:28+00:00

Read my post in the sidebar about captive audiences.

You're hitting your head against a wall. Change your strat.

sikwidit05 · 2025-03-22T15:29:15+00:00

You're focusing too much on the women. Your drive & dedication to your craft shouldn't leave you with any time for women, & that's when they come in flocks. You can't fake it, they'll smell it from a mile away.

comp2006 · 2025-03-22T14:59:50+00:00

Man I can relate 100%. It was a smilar situation with me as well. I also started my self improvement journey, stopped simping and made most of the changes you made and it got me nowhere.

Even I've seen guys uglier and shorter than me pull more chicks and thought to myself I lack game. I've also seen better looking guys pull more chicks by putting in lesser effort and I thought maybe it's all about looks. Either way it doesn't matter , what matters is the end result and I failed.

I also went out a lot and approached many women, one thing I've noticed is that most of your success just simply depends on being in the right place at the right time. I once got some action in a friend's house party but I didn't even put in any effort because that girl already knew about me. Same thing on other night outs too , whenever I got good results , I didn't actually need to try. I was simply in the right place at the right time. Everything I leaned from the red pill did help a little bit, but I really think we should be in the right place at the right time to apply everything we've learnt

therealwoujo · 2025-03-22T17:21:30+00:00

1) self improvement and game are not the same thing. You can improve all you want but still fail with women if you have not learned game.

2) you are too obsessed with girls and probably come off as desperate and too emotionally invested. Just have faith it will happen and stop trying so hard.

gwankovera · 2025-03-22T20:40:45+00:00

The thing is you should not be improving your life for others. The whole point of red pill is you are responsible for everything in your life. Women are what they are, and they can be a lot of fun to have in your life. But you must be focused on yourself and your own life’s goals. You live a fun life then people around you see your enjoying yourself and they want to join you on that journey.
Women will come, but they are not the end goal.

Raven0uss · 2025-03-22T20:53:34+00:00

I understand it's rough because you want the girls now. You're also intelligent enough to understand that gaming women can to some extent be 'hacked' if only you invest in it enough.

The problem is, while it will get you laid at times, it does nothing for *you*.

I'm 35. I've known about pick-up and the red pill for over 10 years. I'm still single. Sure I had some flings but I've been lonely a lot. For years.

However, in a few months I'm graduating as a doctor. My physique is in great shape and my overall consistency is about as good as it gets. My diet and mental health are maxed out. The final hurdle are my finances. In about a year, that final problem is solved too.

What I'm saying is this:
- this is the perfect time for you to search for something that gives you real meaning, something you want to MASTER
- this is the perfect time to experiment with lifestyle, diet, exercise, talking to girls etc
- this is the perfect time to draw a picture of the life you want to live in 10 years

Men don't peak at 21.

You're literally competing with me and men who are much more succesful than me at 35. You think we're looking for 35 year old women? Lol. Fuck no.

It took me about 10 years to get to where I am and I still feel like I'm only at base camp. The summit is still years away.

You haven't even picked a mountain to climb yet. Focus on that. The rest will come. If you spend your next years wisely you'll be drowning in pussy before you know it.

Oh and for the love of god do attend all social events that are great for getting to know girls in whatever field you are along the way. It's much easier to have success there and the best value for effort yo-u'll come across.

NewIllustrator219 · 2025-03-22T17:14:46+00:00

Imo red pill is more effective at productivity things. So if you want better grades, a better job etc.

For women, looksmaxxing (and other things from blackpill) helped me way more than “game” or whatever bs is out there.

kclanton80 · 2025-03-22T22:32:16+00:00

I believe your problem is you completely lack social calibration. You don't understand basic social interaction, and lack the ability to understand if someone actually likes you.

You were a nerd antisocial so your development is stunted. In the grand scheme of things, 3 years is not enough time to fix this.

I'm sure you have made progress, but you need to just suck it up and keep going. It would have helped greatly to try and meet some guy friends who were good with women to get some first hand advice from and maybe even fall into some social circle game.

Social circle game is the main way to navigate women in college. BUT you are leaving college now. No I e k ows who you are, or what your experiences were in college.

So leave it all behind and just keep living life. Go places, be social, keep up on improving your style, fitness and grooming. This is not Rocket science....if you do those things there are women who will find you attractive.

But you have to shake your autism about not being able to recognize women who AREN'T attracted to you. Because there is no combination of words that will change that. She either likes you up front or she never will.

She will smile....play with her hair....look in your eye, break the tough barrier....make herself easily available....and ask YOU questions. Plenty of women will go on dates with you, give you their phone number, or talk with you that DO NOT like you. It seems you spent a large portion of your college years pursuing these types of women.

Again you lack calibration....but keep going. When you know what to look for, it's no longer a guessing game. You will automatically know if you can get a particular woman, but that will come with more experience.

Stop thinking your short time in college should have made up for your lifetime of being antisocial. The nerve of you ...my advice would be to find a guy that is good with women and just go tag along with him. Be honest, and tell him you need to learn ...then LEARN.

You haven't failed until you have given up. So just don't give up...it takes time to understand women and lots of trial and error and failure. I dare say even a MAJOR heartbreak is required which it seems you also don't have yet as you never got any woman.

So again....just accept that you started late and keep going. One mistake men make when approaching,.is doing so with an outcome in mind. Asking " does she have a boyfriend" etc. Just go up to a woman and have a conversation......then if you notice the signs I mentioned above, and the interaction goes great THEN you ask for her number to hang out.

Half of this is just weeding out the time wasters, and those with low interest FAST. Judging by your number of failed dates...that's is your main problem.

Only ask for a phone number or date if she seems VERY... interested. That's all I have for you right now...but just keep going. It's almost impossible to fail with women if you just keep going..I guarantee you will get some. Get a new haircut fix your style and get out of the house as often as possible. Do activities....learn to DANCE. Women love dancing...

SoloAquiParaHablar · 2025-03-23T04:22:11+00:00

Maybe a controversial opinion, but..

Cold approaching is a fallacy sold by YouTubers and disillusioned women. Women don't like to be cold approached, they just like the idea of it. Watch how awkward they get, and on guard. They LIKE that it happened, but chances are due to being so on the defense by a stranger chatting them up they're going to walk away.

You'll get way better success by having consistent interactions with the same girls. This allows you to build rapport, and get them familiar with you, that you're not a threat, you're a great chat, you have banter, and you have better things to do than chase girls. That's what attracts them.

You can cold approach, but don't make it about you trying to chat them up and grab their number. Look for opportunities where interactions would be normal. i.e. both standing in a line next to each other, both attending the same class, same group, same hobby. Pop a joke, ask for the time, comment on her shoes/outfit, but don't expect anything from it. "Hey a I like your shoes now give me your number!!"

Steve77307 · 2025-03-22T20:01:26+00:00

I'm really curious about your experience cold approaching in a "Muslim country." From what I understand, women are rarely out in public to begin with, and I can't imagine feminist movements like #MeToo being a major factor in discouraging approaches there. Is there some kind of other social pressure against it?

That aside, a lot of guys say the same thing: I’ve done everything, but I’m still single. It’s completely understandable, especially when you’re constantly seeing other people in relationships.

kyle_fall · 2025-03-22T16:37:17+00:00

What's your Instagram? DM it to me and I'll take a look at what your life looks like and give you concrete steps to make this work. You guys can follow mine and take a look at mine @kylegfall, I'm a dating photographer and run a lot of events with models now. Done shoots with dozens of guys, some of us start lower but with the relentless mindset you will succeed(literally read the book, its by the coach of Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant.)

It's impossible to fail. There's something you're doing wrong. Right before getting my first girlfriend from this stuff I remember going on 3 dates where all girls told me afterwards I'm a "nice guy" but they're not interested i.e. I'm boring and not attractive. Like 1 month later started dating the one of the hottest girls I had even ever hanged out with at that time.

cold approaching even tho it's a fucking anomaly that is requiring a hell of a confidence to do in a muslim country, I didn't manage to have a single girlfriend during nearly my entire time at the college right now.

That'll make it harder but there are still extremely effective ways that I can pretty much guarantee you're not doing. I'm gonna look at your instagram and pretty sure you haven't been working on that when it's one of the most killer methods to get hundreds of women orbitting your circle.

Can you also share some specific metrics, how many cold approaches have you done, how many dates have you been on that you got rejected on, how many parties/events have you thrown, how many exact rejections have you experienced?

Plenty of dudes get in relationships easier than putting all this work in but also plenty of people have garbages relationships, I don't think I've seen really any relationships I would die to be in once I see the behind the scenes of what's going on in them. Remember the good is the enemy of the great, people that get things easy rarely get great outcomes. That goes for dating and career/business as well.

I know a multimillionaire that sleeps with a lot of girls(Justin Marc) and he worked hard for his setup. I've done some events and he's one of the most effective man I've ever met.

Ordinary_Yam1866 · 2025-03-22T21:57:27+00:00

To throw in my 2 cents in there, I kind of understand how you feel. However, as some other comments have put it, you are doing all of this for the wrong reasons, aka external validation. The trick is, external validation is fickle, and comes and goes. If you want an example from the other side of the fence, compare it with a girl that posts evermore explicit photos and even undergoes plastic surgery just to keep the likes coming in.

You get dates, so your looks don't seem to be the problem. But if you get ghosted, it can be one of several reasons:

You don't escalate and come off as either uninterested or friend-zoning yourself, or in simple terms, you're being a pussy.
you come off as boring and don't give them the tingles.
You come on too strong and scare them off.

The red-pill is not PUA strategies. It's supposed to be a way of life. A way of centering your life back to yourself instead of looking for external validation, whether it be from parents, bosses, girls or complete strangers.

brunobig2004 · 2025-03-25T17:49:23+00:00

I can relate. Still I feel you're young to jugde correctly what's wrong. IMO society isn't a fertile ground anymore, it's more like a desert. You're sad because you've been drilling the sand and not getting any water. Turns out life is unfair.

Something I realized is that a lot of men die alone, more than you can think. It's even portrayed in pop culture. Look at movies, series, comics.

Take Naruto the anime for instance. There is Jiraya, Naruto's teacher and godparent. Jiraya died alone. He fought for his nation, was more than an accomplished soldier, he was praised by everyone. But the only reason he could be so great was because all of his life he was training and fightning wars. Since he grew in a warzone, he and the woman he liked never developed emotionally enough and both ended up alone. He died as he lived, fighting alone for his nation at 54 y/o. His only cope in his dying moments? He could relay some enemy intel back to HQ.

Like Jiraya, in the real world billions of men have died alone without recognition, some even being despised.

Life for men is sad and lonely in general. But you can make whatever you want out of that loneliness. Almost anything. You don't need to be the greatest, but you don't owe society anything either. Make your life something you can be somewhat proud of. Like Frank Sinatra said, I did it my way. Listen to that song, it is very meaningful!

VincentVanGopherx · 2025-03-22T15:41:51+00:00

You don't need to pull a dime just bat slightly above average and give your kid a chance to bat slightly above average and so on and son. Eventually your ancestor will being pulling hot girls all because the work you put in your life it's a steady evolutionary increase at least that's how I look at it. You don't need to hit a grand slam just go for the single and things will work out in the long run for your ancestory line. Sadly your ancestors made it more difficult or maybe they didn't and it just feels that way. Keep plugging along friend getting in the gym will help you the most mentally and physically

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ThrowawayYAYAY2002 · 2025-03-22T21:32:13+00:00

It might just be the country and culture.

rejected-again · 2025-03-22T23:07:06+00:00

The harsh reality is that not everybody gets what they want in life

jacobindigo · 2025-03-23T02:50:07+00:00

Thanks for this uplifting message.

mada37 · 2025-03-23T02:50:52+00:00

Well, I'm not dead yet, so I cannot say whether I've failed or not.

Flintblood · 2025-03-23T05:59:27+00:00

The frustration is real, but I guess in my phase I cheated by using OLD and working up from being catfished by someone who appeared 50 pounds less in her picture to some decent OLD and moving from there to meeting friends of women I knew. The self improvement works for you and it may actually be more worth it for getting positive male attention from guys who want to be bros with you. And being fit and on fleek will get you more respect in the workplace regardless of what your dating life is like so stick with it.

What led me away from the red pill is feeling like the bad guy because I got to a point where I was ghosting women because they wanted to get real serious real fast. I didn’t do all the ghosting but I would go longer between calls, texts and requesting to see them, and they then didn’t pursue back too hard so I assumed it was okay. But I know differently now.

So do self improvement for you and work on making money and life you enjoy. The women will come later.

adam-l · 2025-03-23T06:47:48+00:00

Your problem is scarcity mentality. You are trying to make it work by your conscious mind. What you need to do is stop improving while interacting with a girl. You should let your unconscious mind take over. Narrow down the time scope of the interaction, down to the moment if possible. You are not looking for the love of your life, not even for a GF, not even for a fuck later this night.

The problem, of course, is that this might get you to burn the few first contexts in which you try it. Therefore, you have to compartmentalize your hunting grounds, so that burning one won't affect the rest. Until it "clicks" for you, and you can then let go altogether and have a consistent image across all of them.

gallo-s-chingon · 2025-03-23T07:24:19+00:00

The fact that you were able to make a drastic change and talk to girls is a big leap. A lot of guys here haven’t even gotten to that point.

Perhaps it’s your approach, or your dates, why you get ghosted. As in, there may be something you’re missing, such as social cues, IOIs, etc. Maybe she wants you to give her a kiss, you didn’t, so now she’s over it. Or maybe you talk too much about yourself and say something you think is cool but give her the ick.

I think it’s still possible for you to get laid / have a girlfriend. But you have to be honest with yourself re: how your dates go.

Palladoi2 · 2025-03-24T05:15:50+00:00

Hey bro listen I was like you from 13 years old to almost 15. I understand.

I looked like shit too and now I have the best physique in my whole town at 16, and I did all the looksmaxxing, cold approaching all those things. As I grew older I felt more and more that these things are "boyish", they are not for men.

Currently almost 100% of my focus is on my business and training and guess what? I get 10 times are many girls that are attracted to me.

The more you think about how you look and skincare and hair and perfect outfit the more you're gonna look like an idiot. You might look good, but people will feel that that's your whole personality.

I already have a girlfriend but guess what bro.

She wasn't attracted to me from my "perfect soft features, high cheekbones and jawline". She was attracted to the fact that I look, walk, sound and act like a man.

The looksmaxxing space is just so toxic I avoid it so much.

This social dynamic of looksmaxxing works only when you're a little boy in school. But you don't care about those people anyway if you're on self improvement because you're way above them. The most confident and good looking guy will get the girls in school but who cares bro, most girls ain't shit tbh.

If you wanna be a man and also find a girlfriend stop icing your face in the morning and fix your routine to this.

- working

- working out

- meditating

- reading (the way of the superior man by david deida would be perfect for you)

- stretching a little bit

- gratitude journaling

That's everything you need.

Make an habit tracker, set an alarm before going to bed to remember to make the next one for tomorrow and plan out your day.

You got this bro good luck.

1a2b3c4d_1a2b3c4d · 2025-03-24T14:25:09+00:00

I just read some of your other posts and have this to say. I still think you are too anxious and in your head. I think you over think things and think you need more practice approaching girls, in general.

You seem to only approach those you think are hot, and then because you are nervous, you mess up.

I strongly suggest you focus on talking\meeting\approaching all different types of girls. Not just the ones you think are hot.

You practice on the ones you are not very attracted to. In this, you learn to be comfortable and confident when talking to these girls. It's low risk since you don't care that much. You do this until its a habit.

So when you do meet someone you are interested in, you talk to them in almost the same way as all the others, but you add some flirting.

You just need practice. So go out and practice. On those people who you are not super interested in.

zzzzzzzzzzyzzz · 2025-03-24T14:34:26+00:00

Yo freinds are important 100%. Also don’t stress it dosent matter how many partners you have just try have kids before you die 👍😇

dopeasdopegets · 2025-03-24T15:00:43+00:00

I'm gonna say this once and hopefully not get banned because this sub is a great source of entertainment, but it is some of the worst advice from some of the worst people. DO NOT take this sub seriously, and if someone here suggests it here, that's probably a good sign to look into other options.

GODSMACKER65 · 2025-03-24T15:39:09+00:00

I think the objective here should be focus on yourself, become a strong, self supporting secure man, period. Then other aspects of your life will fall in place but be the man you should be, focus on your relationship with God and being the best version of yourself every day. At the end of the day you don't need a women, what you need is to be completely self sustaining and independent of anyone, if a relationship develops, great, if not even better. Another absolute key is do not EVER get married without a prenup, American laws are structured to debilitate and paralyze men financially. A women's place is many things, they are here to bare our children and support us, the Bible says God created them to help us that means support us in what we do, be our peace and supporter.

jjj2576 · 2025-03-24T17:43:01+00:00

I feel like your last paragraph tells us that you let the world dictate your Frame, instead of YOU deciding what your frame ought to be.

You did all these things to grow supposedly, but y’know— if only you had attention from women…

AsturaeConiecto · 2025-03-25T14:53:55+00:00

When I was a freshman at college, I started to improve my life by quiting video games and playing soccer which was always a thing that I've always wanted to do instead of sitting right in front of the computer all day in my free time.

So you went from not talking to women to talking to a bunch of men and still no women

by making considerable amount of female friends or acquaintances.

My bad, so you went from not talking to women, to talking to women but asexually and playing the social circle game which is , IMO, a fairly blue pilled approach, but whatever.

a muslim country

Important cue. You're still expected to be a sexual being regardless of how much everyone tells you you need to be an asexual friend. Romance too doesn't start out of being just nice and platonic.

despite his autism,

Fake news

IMO you're just not wanting pussy enough. Guys with zero looks, zero hobbies and zero self improvement will pull women out of league of legends text chat, just because they want it that fucking much. You need to be sexually assertive.

throwawayofc1112 · 2025-03-25T16:41:06+00:00

I’m struggling with the same thing. I was a nerdy kid like you, high functioning autism as well, very few friends growing up, no father figure, but wasn’t diagnosed until adulthood. I started getting really into hitting the gym around age 17 or 18, and I luckily ended up pretty tall by the end of high school. I noticed big changes in college socially like you too, finally broke out of my shell and went to parties, social events, etc. I didn’t lose my virginity until age 22, that was my first relationship which lasted 5 months or so. After I graduated I got complacent meeting women, I thought I had solved my issue all along. Now I’m 24 and I feel like I’m back at square one. I go to bars and social events, have plenty of friends both male and female, but can’t for the life of me get laid. Been studying red pill and cold approach tactics a lot, but with autism I think too mechanically about this stuff, and my urge to intellectualize dating has made me overthink these interactions to the max. My ability to read social cues and flirting isn’t nonexistent, but it’s still impaired compared to other guys. Every year that I get older I feel more hopeless. I’ve struggled with alcohol dependency on and off for years too. Luckily the gym and lifting weights is a big part of my life, and my career is solid, so I’m trying to prioritize that. But man, I feel shitty being 24 and having so little dating experience. I feel incredibly skilled in some areas, and incredibly limited in others.

TramwayToTinder · 2025-03-25T20:44:21+00:00

Ignore the folks who trash the cold approach, calling it an internet myth; they’re the ones who gave up after two failed attempts. Ignore those who insist dating is all about luck; they wouldn’t know what to do with it if they had to act on it. And for those who preach “just focus on yourself and ignore women,” realize that you don’t get better at attracting girls by simply working on other areas of your life any more than you’d improve your bench press by reading about weights instead of lifting them. If you want to get better with women, you have to put in the reps, consistently learning and adjusting your approach.

Your success with women is a direct reflection of your level. Let every woman’s reaction be a calibration of how you present yourself. Your dating skills are not just about getting dates. They’re a barometer of how engaging, fun, and vibrant your life really is. You need to learn how to live and have fun on your own before you can invite others into your world.

Cold approach is a skill a lot like being a great salesperson. It’s all about how you present yourself. Think of it this way: you can walk into the same room as two entirely different versions of yourself. One version might slouch, speak softly, avoid eye contact, and come off as unconfident. The other version strides in with strong, clear speech, assertive body language, and a presence that commands attention. The same girl will react completely differently depending on which version she meets.

Women are drawn to assertive men. Most guys are lacking in this area, so they need to work on speaking more loudly and clearly, using their hands to own their space, and lowering the tone at the end of their sentences so they don’t sound like they’re asking for permission. Holding stronger eye contact is crucial; if you can lock eyes with a woman and project confidence, you signal that you’re in control and that you’re not desperate.

Dating is a skill too. Yes, some guys seem to have it easier because of their looks, height, or other inherent advantages, but sitting around complaining about what you can’t change is only going to hold you back. What you can change is your confidence, your style, the way you carry yourself, and how often you put yourself out there. The guys who succeed aren’t necessarily the best-looking; they’re the ones who take action, learn from their mistakes, and keep going. Consuming endless dating advice won’t make you better if you’re not out there practicing. Just like you wouldn’t get better at basketball by sitting on the sidelines, you have to play the game if you want to improve.

Plateaus happen. Just as they do when you’re lifting weights. Progress isn’t linear. You’ll face rejections, get ghosted, and experience moments where your ego takes a hit. I’ve been there. But you can’t let it break you. The more experience you gain, the more stoic you need to become. Once you truly understand the nature of women, rejection and setbacks won’t shake you. They’re merely part of the grind.

So what do you do? You focus on one area of yourself at a time. I used to speak too fast due to anxiety, so I worked on slowing my pace and speaking clearly and deliberately. Then I fixed my posture and honed an authoritative presence. I learned to smile less to avoid looking overly eager. Instead of selling myself, I started making girls qualify themselves to me. With every approach, I refined my nuances. The funny thing is, when you fix these areas, your life improves in all aspects, not just with women. Women become the ultimate test of your social skills and charisma. How you carry yourself, the respect you command, and how fun your life is all translate into how women respond to you.

Listen, you’re already on the right path. Look at how far you’ve come, from staying home all day playing video games with online friends to expanding your social circle and putting yourself out there. Some guys never even try; they’re content with weed, porn, and useless friendships for their entire lives. But not you. You’re doing the work. Yes, you might be feeling the pain of growth right now. I bet it's uncomfortable. Embrace those feelings, process them, and then move forward. Keep pushing, keep leveling up, and learn the game. Because the game isn’t just about dating. It’s a lifelong skill you'll use in every part of your life. In friendships, business, social circles, and even in marriage with your future wife until the day you die.

Stop seeking sympathy here and grow a pair. Be a man of solutions. Rely only on yourself. I take it that your confidence is suffering at the moment. Find a way to fix it. I don't know you. I can't tell you what precisely your issues are. Fix your mental state. Learn to validate yourself from within, and don’t tie your self-worth to rejection or external validation. I can't tell you how to do that exactly, but that will be your own mission, as is everyone's. If these things were already figured out for us by others, life wouldn't be fun.
Enjoy the process; enjoy the grind, and...
Have fun. Girls are just girls...

ThanosDidNadaWrong · 2025-03-23T08:36:32+00:00

Your frame seems off. The more you care about getting 'it' the more likely you will have a weak frame when 'it' is nearby.

Now that you have an aboundance mentality about interacting with girls, you should be not seating the approach part.

Seems to me like you are failing shittests. Shittests from whoever is making fun of you for interacting with too many women. I suspect it's both men and women. It should not matter to you that they are trying to make fun of you for being somewhat successful. You haven't internalized enough the 'holding your frame' if tiny shittests like this affect you so much.

Vermillion-Rx · 2025-03-24T07:11:40+00:00

Please extend me a few days I had a visitor and was not particularly present online

Title	Who else failed in their self-improvement journey?
Author	mr_nihilus
Upvotes	64
Comments	66
Date	March 22, 2025 2:22 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1jh9ink/who_else_failed_in_their_selfimprovement_journey/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/who-else-failed-in-their-self-improvement-journey.1547333 https://theredarchive.com/post/1547333

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