Are our standards unrealistic? Should we settle? What is good enough? At what age should we just give up?

Joaquino7997 · 2024-07-26T01:51:35+00:00

And men have a lot of unrealistic expectations too.

Yeah....no. What the vast majority of men want in a woman are for her to be pretty, carefree and charming. Omg...that's asking for SO MUCH!

SceneAccomplished549 · 2024-07-26T02:21:49+00:00

I mean when they demand the most "alpha" of all "alpha" males, and even when they get them they find excuses to leave might I add, what's the point of even trying with them?

This is why MGTOW is on autopilot and taking hold all OVER the world.

She said it herself, she "settled" got bored and left, destroying a man and family in the process.

I have no empathy or sympathy for them.

WornBlueCarpet · 2024-07-26T06:19:02+00:00

I had a coworker who was setting up another coworker for a date with his wife's friend from her college years.

I carefully hinted to the one going on the date that this woman has been living in the capital since she started college, a place that is packed with young single men. She's smart, beautiful and funny. Why is she single at 31? How did she manage to be single after spending her 20's in one of the cities with the highest population density for single males?

I left it at that and let him think his own thoughts.

But my take is that:

A. She's a terrible woman who can't keep a man.

B. She's been making use of that male population density and is now ageing out and needs a good guy to settle with.

C. She has been too busy with work and family to date and has genuinely been single and unable to meet the right guy.

I give the last one maybe 5% of being the reason.

Let's face it. Some of us are simply not what women are attracted to. If you've had no or very little luck with women in your (and their) 20's, chances are that you are such a man. Yes, you may have grown more confident or may have physically grown due to the gym or work, and those may actually cause genuine attraction. But for most men, nothing has really changed other than her getting older and wanting to settle. And for those who have grown and the women are genuinely attracted, just remember that her being single at 32 doesn't mean she has been celibate. She has probably been dating since she was 14-15, and by the time she meets you, ask yourself if genuine love and a lasting faithful marriage is even possible. To you, she may be the sun and the moon, but to her, you're just the 10th boyfriend and the 50th guy she's fucked. How do I know that?

Read OOP's post. Pay attention to the parts about sperm donors. She talks frankly about women having sex - the most intimate thing you can do with another person - with their husbands who they aren't even attracted to, and she talks about it like it's about doing the dishes. By the time they meet some poor schmuck who marries them, they have been with so many casual boyfriends and FWB's that they are completely desensitised to sex. There's nothing special about it. It's just something to do if you're bored on a Thursday. So they fuck the schmuck and have some children - who may even be his - and then they divorce him and take the house and kids. And they do this because the legal system allows this to happen.

7rowawayaccount · 2024-07-26T03:01:08+00:00

I agree agree with some of what she has to say. Where she says “if we settle for a guy and don’t truly love him or have attraction to him, that’s a bad thing for him, because we’re taking away his chance to meet someone who actually loves him and is attracted to/enthusiastic about him.”

The problem is that what makes her feel that way is basically all fluff. “A spark” is just a fancy term for a sort of young infatuation. Which you just don’t feel in the same way when you’re older. Trying to recreate that “first love” feeling is like a drug addict looking for a high that’s as good as his first. It’ll never happen. Women also only find 20% of men “above average” so she won’t feel attraction either unless it’s for a man who is already married/knows his worth.

So to answer her question: should we settle? (Her referring to childless older single women). No is my answer. Should we just give up? (She says) to which I reply: yes, you should.

And the reason for that is simple. I hope these people don’t have kids or pass on their values or genetics because they lead to a lot of unnecessary suffering. For both the men who would date them and for themselves (obviously). Their expectations are too high, they will never be happy, they advocate being dishonest (acting interested) to get what they want (children/status).

Amos54 · 2024-07-26T03:09:00+00:00

Goes through the motions of sounding like she's trying to be self-aware but then ends up blaming men as usual.

I found it funny she commented that she has friends who are in their 50s wondering if they should settle. That's an absolute riot too....these women will continue to age until they hit medicare eligibility thinking they've still got time to have kids and a family of their own. The delusion is astronomical and sad to say some of these people will only learn when they're alone constantly in their own home, reached senior citizen status, and having no immediate family at that age aside from any siblings they grew up with.

AtkinsCatkins · 2024-07-26T06:43:58+00:00

My favourite part is that her friends are "Using men for their money" at the same time as "Not asking any more from a man as they ask from themselves".

So how does that work exactly?

gabriel-kornilov · 2024-07-26T03:40:09+00:00

That is exactly why men need to go their own way and leave those monsters alone...

IlIIlIIIlIl · 2024-07-26T11:02:14+00:00

It's nearly impossible to find a single woman without tattoos. I want a feminine woman, goddammit!

AtkinsCatkins · 2024-07-26T06:50:23+00:00

She seems sincere so i will give her an honest answer:

If you enjoyed a surplus of available offers from desirable men in youth that is always at the cost of lack of offers from desirable men in older age, because where do you think that excess supply of offers comes from?

Men and women are equal numbers, (as good as) its literally impossible for there to be "Lots more single guys" chasing after single women, so either a wider range of ages chases a narrow range leading to a surplus, or lots of people have multiple partners.

but in either case the result is the same if you are genuinely wanting committed stable faithful and honest relationships, the demand is exactly equal to supply, no gender has a surplus. no gender can afford to think its a "buyers markets"

Women generally are raised on the belief there is an endless supply of excess men all desperate to get with them, then are surprised when they age that the excess not only disappears, but there isn't even the normal amount around (where the hell do you think that excess came from)

bluecherrysoft2 · 2024-07-26T08:54:22+00:00

Women want money for their youth, men want youth for their money. It is a simple transaction. I would rather pay €50 for a good fuck with a young fresh hooker at the redlight district, than being forever stuck with an old nagging unsatiable hag because smartphones and laws have ruined women and their expectations to their biological roots

Eterniter · 2024-07-26T11:05:01+00:00

Funny how women only think THEY are settling for some guy and the opposite is not true when someone agrees to take them.

I find it even funnier that she has 50+ year old friends who think they deserve better than the man they have right now but stick around for the financial assistance they get. Like, what exactly do you think you can get at age 50? Any guy willing to bother with you at this point is godsent.

fuckthemoddsofreddit · 2024-07-26T12:22:43+00:00

Overall at least this is honest, but the part about "most men dont know HOW to create attraction" is stupid. A lot of it comes down to just how you look. Women have a very narrow set of features that they are attracted to and its not possible to say some magic words to make her attracted if you dont fit it.

I really hate the narrative that there's some magic skill to making women want to fuk you. If you simply dont have the looks, in reality there's not much you can do to change it.

itsakon · 2024-07-26T14:29:57+00:00

Deep dive: Look at how women punish women for being “cool girls” and “pick me’s”. The vitriol along those lines is completely mainstream.

That’s because it is rare to meet a woman who likes and does cool stuff. I don’t mean trendy “cool kid” stuff, or even “stuff guys like”. I mean anything. A genuine, non-performative interest in something unique, with a passion about it capable of intriguing others. Does that sound like every other gal you meet? Just one of the thousands every day who share your interests or even seem to have interests, right? And then, factor out the ones who’d be arrogant jerks about it. Then factor out the taken ones.

So this is a trait that truly appeals to men. Combined with a fairly low bar of attractiveness… this would be a dream girl. And you probably won’t find it. Add to that an ability to hang out and have fun, without drama? It’s virtually impossible.

Pretty much all men “settle” for partners, when this is what our heart desires. And we don’t even think that way. Besides the guys who settle for a hottie because they’re able to get one… no man with a decent woman calls it “settling”. Even though it is.

We’re just appreciative of a decent person who treats us and others well.

Neptune-1984 · 2024-07-26T12:18:13+00:00

This sounds like a woman attempting to be a chameleon but failing.

There is plenty out there to help men navigate relationships but ultimately a lot of men are passing. She admits it herself before backpedaling and hand waving that her female friends are just using men financially and playing baby rabies musical chairs.

Ultimately, this leaves the dating pool filled with guys that think they can provider - nice their way to women being attracted to them. Unfortunately for them, women and society at large encourage this delusion, so 5-10 years down the line they can have their lives torn apart, becoming an object lesson in why men should stay on their corner of a roof.

DrDog09 · 2024-07-26T16:15:09+00:00

Look Squirrel!!

That pretty much sums up women's expectations. Their desires can change in a seconds to the next great shiny. Without some modicum of impulse control their ability to forge a long term relationship is nil.

Complex-Peak · 2024-07-26T19:24:04+00:00

They are deluded if they think 8 years is significant age gap after 30

wordjedi · 2024-07-26T19:06:24+00:00

The first sentence is a question that is the answer: yes

He couldn't create that spark. The spark didn't exist, because he failed to do something to create that spark. Weather due to lack of knowledge or inability; he failed to create the external spark thus no tingles generated.

Something tells me that she could not articulate "what creates attraction". Again, as for romance, romance is the young. I did a lot of romantic and stupid gestures for girls in my youth and even for my wife (now ex of course). Most did not appreciate the effort then, and there's no reason now.

Yep, what they want are (perfectly timed and planned - read her mind and don't get it wrong!) extravagant romantic gestures from men who are out of their league. They spend their lives hooking up with one bored unattainable man after another, calling them all "situationships" or "it's complicated" if he fucks her a few times instead of just once. Then it ends because he was fairly bored with her the very first time, and what little energy there was faded fast. Repeat and they learn nothing. That's how you become a 55 year old single lady like her friends she's describing.

No matter who they are they all end up in the same place. Remember hawt Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2? Check out your granny in Dark Fate. Google "Helena Bonham Carter today" yikes

vestibularam · 2024-07-27T04:03:41+00:00

Having dated a number of women in my lifetime, Im almost certain there will be a day of reckoning when a large majority of these women realise how dumb they were to be so callous to all the good men they met and finally understand that their actions had meaning and they now must live with the consequence. Very typical behaviour I've seen from women after an argument - once they actually realise what they lost, they realise that their argument was in fact, a false premise

Vaako81 · 2024-07-30T10:06:33+00:00

I stopped reading after the first line when I saw GFs in 30s, 40s, 50s. Pre-second Millennium AD broads are too old for me! If

rakknoss · 2024-07-31T20:20:16+00:00

Im a Canadian 33m special needs guy and dating has been the worst part of my life so iv givin up on love and most ppl in general. I only care about my family and thats about it. Im going to focus on making my career go and making big bucks lol.

Cristoff13 · 2024-08-05T10:49:12+00:00

You could write an essay on the self delusion in this post. There is just so much of it crammed into a few paragraphs.

This lady moans that men just don't know what women find attractive. But she seems to imply that it is quite simple for men to learn to be attractive. It is just that stubborn and prideful men refuse to learn.

If only those "nice guys" would just make that small effort to learn, then women wouldn't have to "settle". They could have a sexy guy who would also make a dependable and committed husband.

Nonsense of course.

ItalianJew_Stallion · 2024-08-07T17:51:36+00:00

Real men are looking for a woman with ambition, integrity and worth that isn’t a single mom and not contributing to hoeflation! The quality of women nowadays is lower than dirt and it’s astonishing.

Chaim__Goldstein · 2024-12-15T23:58:46+00:00

“Are our standards unrealistic?”

“Cause there’s not enough of them (attractive men) out there.”

When you answer your own question.

Title	Are our standards unrealistic? Should we settle? What is good enough? At what age should we just give up?
Author	polishknightusa
Upvotes	96
Comments	78
Date	July 26, 2024 1:22 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/comments/1ecbqfj/are_our_standards_unrealistic_should_we_settle/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/are-our-standards-unrealistic-should-we-settle.1525340 https://theredarchive.com/post/1525340

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