I want to Die

fierce_and_mighty · 2021-03-18T00:01:33+00:00

Beautiful beautiful woman, it will all be okay. Everything will sort itself out. It seems to me like you may be having a panic attack, which I am well acquainted with, and I need you to breathe. In six seconds, out six seconds.

You are NOT worthless. You are NOT unloved. You are NOT going to feel like this forever. Today and tomorrow might be hard because your body will feel exhausted from all the adrenaline and panicking but in the next few days, you WILL feel better again. You just have to ride it out.

You don’t need a man okay, you only need yourself. Someone who doesn’t see your value is blind and its their loss. Not yours. People may replace partners because they are unwilling to change themselves and it will probably have next to nothing to do with you. You on the other hand, are here, at FDS and willing to grow and that is so admirable. You are so worthy of love and until you meet someone who will love you in the way you deserve, I need you to be your own best friend and partner. It will get easier, I promise 💖

berrylikeova · 2021-03-18T00:10:52+00:00

You can love you. You are everything you need and more. You just don't see it yet.

Please take care of yourself. Drink some water, take a nap, have a snack. You are going to be okay. <3

AyemHerself · 2021-03-18T00:25:49+00:00

I'm very sorry for your pain.

He does not determine your worth. He either failed to see it or decided he couldn't afford it. Either way, you have value far beyond what this singular man thinks of you. And someday soon, you will see that again.

heartofgemz · 2021-03-18T00:38:39+00:00

I’m so sorry. It sounds like this has deregulation you. It’s very painful and leaves you feeling desperate for it to go away. Unfortunately the real cure is slow and only comes from you. This is your life’s work, to love, defend, and protect yourself. Find the skills that help you regulate and never stop. Hugs.

sewingmachinesavior · 2021-03-18T01:18:55+00:00

It not only gets better, it gets BETTER THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.

No one ever said it doesn’t feel ultra shitty getting rid of a LVM. Relationships with LVM create ADDICTION RESPONSE with our emotions. So it can be BRUTAL in the beginning. Take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time. You deserve better than who your body feels addicted to.

Things that help emotional regulation: crying, a walk, baths, screaming to release trauma, meditation.

Stay cozy. Love yourself. The best is yet to come. 💜💜💜

nancy5559 · 2021-03-18T01:09:41+00:00

I promise everything will get better!!! And I promise that there ARE good men out there. But we can’t have love with a man the “end all be all”. A man is NOT a plan. Life doesn’t start and end with marriage. There is sooooo much more to life, and this is what women have fought for for thousands of years for us to be able to have this opportunity. Don’t get me wrong, I want marriage someday (eventually) but it’s not the most important thing. Go for a walk, join a Meet Up group and meet women in your area to hangout with, adopt a pet, read a book (or even write a book!), practice meditation or breathing techniques to calm yourself, get into painting, get new hobbies, etc there are so many great things out there that will get your mind on more important things other than worrying about men. Just take a deep breathe and know that you got this, and we are here for you!! I’m hear if you ever need someone to talk to :) internet hugs !!

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-03-18T01:13:14+00:00

Sending you love. I can’t even imagine your pain, I’m so sorry you are struggling. You are a human being worthy of existence, worthy of support and humanity and love. One man cannot change that. I hope you can get the support you need. Please do not hurt yourself, dear girl. 💖

Cat_With_The_Fur · 2021-03-18T04:18:14+00:00

I’ve been where you are. This “it gets better” advice didn’t work for me when I was in that place. My life seemed so hopeless, like it would just be a series of losses forever.

Ironically the thing that made me feel better is something my amazing therapist told me - we weren’t made to live happily ever after. Just because you aren’t happy doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Life is a series of ups and downs, and the temporary nature of things is what makes us appreciate them the most. Acknowledging that I wasn’t failing at life because I was unhappy helped take the pressure off. It just means my life isn’t over yet and I’m still living it.

I’m no longer in that place anymore - some days are still hard, and my life is radically different than I thought it would be, but I’m trying to appreciate the good things while I have them.

I wish you the most peace 💗

FluffandRainclouds · 2021-03-18T04:20:43+00:00

You are feeling the worst of the worst right now. This pain won't last forever. There is hope. ❤ A single man can never determine your worth. Whether or not romance is in the cards for you, you have no way of knowing. But please do know there are HVW and HVM out there to be part of your community. You're in great company here, and one day you can look back on this and think "I stressed that much over HIM?" In the meantime, your feelings are so valid and understandable. This hurts.

If you can, please find a way to get comfy and do something nice for yourself. Call a friend you trust to keep you company, if you can.

Even background noise and pleasant visuals might help, like this. Try to focus on something tiny about the picture, or count how many things you see. https://youtu.be/lE6RYpe9IT0

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2021-03-18T06:09:50+00:00

Please don't harm yourself. I want to encourage you to join r/CBT and please download Audible and buy these Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) books by Dr. David Burns:

- Feeling Good The new mood therapy

- When Panic Attacks

- Feeling Great

- Feeling Good together

Dr. Burns also gives away this information for free on his "Feeling Good" podcast, and all over his feeling good website at https://feelinggood.com/

The reason I'm asking you to do this, is because your post is riddled with cognitive distortions that can be easily defeated with CBT. For example, when you say:

I wanted love so bad and now realizing it's not going to happen for me, on top of everything else ive been through?

you're overgeneralizing, engaging in all or nothing thinking, discounting the positive, magnifying the negatives and minimizing the positives, and suffering from hidden "should" statements among others.

Is this really true? Have you found love before in the past? What about a love before that? Have others around you found love? It's not impossible, it's just a process, with specific steps.

When you say things like:

Tell me there's a reason. Tell me it gets better. Tell me anything. Tell me I'm not worthless because he replaced me.

There is a reason - finding a partner you love, who you're attracted to, who adds value to your life and compliments your lifestyle. It DOES get better, you just have to push through the painful stages. This is a loss just like any other loss, you won't just get over it overnight. You have to do the work! Please PLEASE try CBT. I PROMISE it helps!

You're NOT worthless. He didn't "replace you", you DODGED A BULLET. The new girl he "replaced you" with, is going to go through the same shit he put you through.

I'm assuming this hurt is recent. If it is (within the past 6 months), then you're justified in feeling hurt and betrayed. What happened to you is awful, and those feelings won't go away overnight. But you're NOT worthless. Him leaving for another person, says a LOT more about HIM than you. It says he's just not for you. You CAN and WILL find someone else, just like you were able to find him to begin with. Who knows, maybe the new person you find will treat you way better. It just takes time, patience, practice, and persistence.

Nat_at_all · 2021-03-18T04:47:18+00:00

FRIEND!! THIS PAIN WILL PASS. Seriously. Last relationship, I was cheated on, I understand the betrayal you are going through to some degree!

My first and even second heartbreak I felt so "broken". HA those shitty men cannot break me. It just took a couple days to purge! Give yourself time to heal, you are not at the end of your life, you are probably just addicted to this person's presence- it WILL PASS. Please chat me I can offer more support!!

Seriously- take a nap, go for a walk, and EAT food. Watch some standup that you know will make you laugh. I make sure I do these things even when I don't want to when I'm in my lowest low, and I feel like I am seeing things in a brand new light. Dance around in your room, love. Force yourself to have fun with yourself and it takes away from this temporary heartbreak.

2021-03-18T17:03:21+00:00

I was going through a real rough time back in 2013, and I found myself binge-watching Mad Men. There was this one part in the series where Peggy is at an all-time low, and Don leans in and says "Peggy, listen to me... Get out of here and move forward. This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened."

I must have re-watched that scene a million times. It really helped me get through my shit. Because think of all of the shitty things that have happened to you in your past that you barely even think about now. Remember how significant they were at the time? Remember how you thought they were destroying you? Well they didn't. You are here. And you're stronger and better for have gone through it.

Because that's life, right? We stumble, we pick ourselves back up, and then we move forward with the knowledge and strength that stumble gave us.

You will get through this. Time will help you. It's going to hurt like hell for a bit. But keep moving forward. This feeling will go away. And you will come out better for it.

In the meantime, try your best to forget about him. In the words of Don, "this never happened." Don't re-read texts. Block him on everything. Don't allow yourself to even hear or say his name. "Get out of here and move forward."

EveSerpent · 2021-03-18T23:08:19+00:00

You are not worthless because he’s out of your life. Breakups are hard but it can help to remember: this too shall pass.

He wasn’t always in your life and you were happy before you knew him. You will be happy again.

Love exists without him. Family, friends, pets. Focus on them. If you don’t have any, consider volunteering with people who need your help. You are needed.

You will get through this.

Title	I want to Die
Author	the_ghost_of_
Upvotes	131
Comments	19
Date	March 17, 2021 11:13 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askfds/comments/m7de7j/i-want-to-die/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/i-want-to-die.1629209 https://theredarchive.com/post/1629209

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