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Should a man get hard from making out? What if he doesn't?

January 23, 2022

I'm talking about young men <30. In my experience they do. My ex would get rock hard quickly from making out at home, after sitting across from me looking hot at dinner. But he knew clothes would be coming off soon.

With the man I'm seeing now, we've made out a few times fully clothed, without fondling private parts (other than my butt) with me sitting on his lap for brief periods. I can feel that he's mostly soft. I know he knows it's not going any further that night, so that might be why? But it makes me suspicious that his dick doesn't work, maybe he watches a lot of porn, I don't know. The way he looks at me and kisses me he's obviously attracted to me so I know it's not that (and we all know men don't even need attraction to get hard lol). He treats me very well and respects my boundaries.

What do you ladies think?

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Post Information
Title Should a man get hard from making out? What if he doesn't?
Author fogplum
Upvotes 62
Comments 13
Date January 23, 2022 8:10 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/should-a-man-get-hard-from-making-out-what-if-he.1097949
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/sb2lm5/should_a_man_get_hard_from_making_out_what_if_he/

[–]myeggsarebig 78 points79 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My guy still gets aroused at 6 years in from just kissing. He doesn’t watch porn.

Your guy could be nervous and trying really hard to not get aroused and accidentally cum. Or he could have performance anxiety, and is not aroused because he’s too focused on doing it wrong. Or he could be porn sick/limp dick. The last 2 are problematic, and will continue to show up during intimacy.

[–]bleda_princezna 88 points89 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I'd say it's suspicious to say the least. If it gets steamy and even I get excited and the guy is still soft... That's a red flag. Big one.

Seems like it's a good time to start asking about what porn he likes to try finding out if he watches it or not. But he most likely does.

[–]Angelssface69 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I’ve had a guy that couldn’t get hard in like a full blown sex session, is it a red flag bc porn? If u could elaborate cause idk a lot abt the topic

[–]bleda_princezna 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah, that sounds like big trouble... Guy not getting hard during something like that? I'd be out the door, because I don't see that there could be a reasonable explanation. Nothing that wouldn't hurt you anyway.

I recommend searching porn related posts on the main FDS sub, they're very insightful. I don't think I could summarize it all well in one comment. I'm sure you'll learn a lot!

[–]Angelssface69 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yea that was months ago and we done now but yeah thankss

[–]_cnz_ 34 points35 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

if a man is not getting hard from you sitting on his lap while making out, i think its red flag for ED, especially if you were grinding or just moving on top of him. typically non experienced men have trouble keeping an erection down when they're with a women. they typically don't know how have a lot of experience knowing how to control their erections. the only time ive known anyone to have issues with having an erection has had some form of PIED or excessively death gripped

i don't think its an instant block and delete but i would proceed with extreme caution and refrain from escalating intimacy from him until you're vetted him for more for signs of ED or porn usage. but honestly listen to your gut, it already knows something is off and i advise you to learn into it

[–]fogplum 7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy Link


[–]_cnz_ 20 points21 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

For ED i like to bring up the recent surge in ED ads. I'll just start saying how something along the lines of the ads being everywhere and asking what he thinks about them. I also like the dumb fox technique and straight up ask him if he knows what ED is because you've been seeing all the ads. Somehow ill steer the convo into asking him how often are guys supposed to finish, how easily do they get hard, or what age do guys need ED meds. Men typically always project so he'll use his own experiences to answer the question and tell on himself. Guys who have ED usually don't even know they have it so don't expect him to outright say it. If he hesitates or seems nervous at all, he's probably minimizing how serious it is or hiding something. Or if he mentions something about having performance issues at times, he's probably again minimizing things and his dick is broken.

For porn, I like to to use a younger male relative or friend to bait men. I'll say that I found porn on my younger siblings phone or ask him for help if he knows how to remove a virus from a computer due to porn use. If you go with the first one, ask him on how you should handle the situation as he's a guy.For the second one, I'll follow up and ask for ways my younger siblings can avoid viruses in the future or even safe websites that he can watch porn. Usually porn addicts will try and normalize it, telling you not to shame him, or that's it's just what guys do. Once you get him talking, ask him if he watched porn at a similar age or later in life. Sometimes I just ask when did he start watching porn

It really important that you do not say anything that passes judgment on them or has an opinion on the topic. Stay completely neutral. If you get some resistance from him or feel like he's not telling the truth, step back and resume the convo later, emphasizing that you'll talk when he's more comfortable or that you really need his help or advice. Appeal to his ego anyway you can. Men are terrible liars who will always tell on themselves if you give them time anyways so these strategies aren't even necessary most of the time

[–]fogplum 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]_cnz_ 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No problem!

And yes just asking him straight up could work, but he’d probably just going to lie or minimize things as he’s more likely to pick up that it’s a shit test. But it still doesn’t mean it can’t work. Again men are terrible liars so it you’d probably be able to sense he’s lying.

[–]Suitcase33 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Never experienced that before. Men get hard from making out regardless of if they know sex is on the table or not. Somethings suspicious with him

[–]Hhjjuuy 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Are you becoming physically aroused during these make out sessions? If you are then it's not outlandish to expect him to be feeling the same.

[–]fogplum 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


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