Is there a benefit to not adding men on social media, to "keep the mystery" and require them to invest time and effort into getting to know you? What are your thoughts?

gingerandlime · 2021-08-27T20:34:32+00:00

I'd be curious in getting some perspectives about this as well. I've definitely seen more low effort nonsense from people who were super fast to add me on social. Not that I've necessarily experienced across the board better things from people who weren't on social media or didn't add me quickly, but if they add me before even asking me out or after one date, it's never been a great sign. My personal feeling is that if someone feels like they have that level of access to your life and they're a low effort person, they'll feel like that's "enough" somehow, like you're saying. But I don't think it's because of anything about your or my social media, it's about their mindset.

Risas1239 · 2021-08-27T21:34:49+00:00

Satellites use hot women in their follows to have access to Hot Girl TV and get social clout by getting you to like their pics back (make it seem to other girls like tons of hot girls like them). If they were interested they would have reached out. Doesn’t seem like you’re attracted to them, so just delete them. They’re not your friends.

My rule is, if I haven’t had a one-on-one hang out with the person, they shouldn’t have access to my insta.

ApprehensiveGiftBox · 2021-08-27T21:05:11+00:00

I don't know about strategy but I don't have any men on my private social media. I post pictures for myself to look back on, I don't want to risk nasty scrotes jerking off to my pictures (had several male "friends" admit to it, I'm scarred for life) or just generally being weird in my comments. I detest orbiters. I only add a guy after he becomes my boyfriend. I haven't seen any explicit benefit or extra interest from a guy in waiting to add him though.

Platipus6 · 2021-08-27T23:05:40+00:00

Social media is contributing to this voyeuristic/entitled mindset where women don't have boundaries.

He can snoop through all your shit and you don't know he was there. It's gross and paraphillic. imo it's led to the rise of burglaries, rapes, violent sex, home invasions, digital stalking, harassment and intrusions into women's spaces.

Men who do this don't respect women's boundaries and don't have the balls to ask you what they want to know. They want the cheap, easy, entitled option of spying on you while anonymous. It's depraved and cowardly.

Only interact with men who want to get to know you by interacting with you. Who aren't afraid to be known as well.

pozzalovah · 2021-08-27T21:22:26+00:00

Avoids confusion and low effort and fake intimacy like likes /comments.

Lightningxxx · 2021-08-27T21:33:28+00:00

Honestly? I may be wrong, but before going on dates with guys from OLD, I add them on Instagram to vet their profile, see what kind of people comment on their pictures and how they engage with them, what kind of stories do they put up (to figure out their mentality). Your social media says a lot about you.

It does make me a bit unnerved that they now have access to my pictures, but then again they could save those pics from my dating profiles too. So honestly I add them just so I can scrutinise their Instagram before meeting up with them. I would want insight on this too.

shockingupdate · 2021-08-27T22:50:13+00:00

If he’s not a recurring character in your life yet, probably not a good idea to add him. I got tired of friends of friends/former dates/exes orbiting my accounts so now I don’t add anyone I don’t plan on linking with regularly. Why use social media with people you don’t actually want to socialize with, you know?

purasangria · 2021-08-28T00:12:25+00:00

When I was doing OLD, I never added them on social media. I refuse to add men that I'm dating on social media, bc i feel that it gives them the right to look into my life and check up on me, what I'm doing, etc.

Unless we're in a committed relationship, then I'll friend him. But I've had bad experiences with that in the past, with men accusing me of being online when I'm literally asleep just because the app is open on one of my devices, so it shows me "online" when I left the window open on my computer, even though the computer is asleep. It gives abusive and controlling men a way to keep tabs on you.

Men use social media as my a way to stalk and control. If he wants to know me, he can do so by setting me in person. He doesn't get too orbit on social and make up his own (probably false) narrative.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-08-28T02:47:06+00:00

Cynical me says they want to see if you are someone they can take advantage of. Mental health issues, oversharing, etc. My social media says very little about my actual life and my views. It's all home decorating and cats.

MissouriBlue · 2021-08-28T00:49:18+00:00

I don’t use social media. It adds nothing to my life.

This solves that cyber-stalker issue.

Interesting-Bat3992 · 2021-08-27T20:38:32+00:00

Never added them, including both HS and college. Even now in uni. It's called stalking. It's creepy. It's downright dangerous and terrifying. Don't.

ComprehensiveAmoeba9 · 2021-08-27T20:43:02+00:00

It depends on how long you’ve known each other and how close you are in person. For example, if he’s a childhood friend it would be weird if he didn’t already have you on social media but on the other hand, if it’s someone you’ve met on OLD or an acquaintance you don’t know too well yet at work then I wouldn’t be friends on social media until you two are exclusive. I got in a relationship with someone from OLD and we didn’t add each other on FB, Instagram, etc until after three months when we called the relationship official and we both knew we would be committed to each other.

90860008 · 2021-08-28T01:32:45+00:00

I think it depends really on what you have on your Instagram and how much access you want to give them to your life. I personally add guys I’m talking to for quite some time or taking somewhat “seriously” from old just to vet them further in terms of lifestyle, friendships, etc. many of them also have their full name on their instas so I use that to do a deep search on them lol. Whereas when you look at my Instagram, there aren’t many full face pictures of me, nothing “incriminating” such as sexy pictures and my name isn’t even on it so it’s hard for them to really get too many details about my personal life

dancedancedance7 · 2021-08-28T05:43:14+00:00

I don't add anyone who I don't 100% want to. Who cares if it's rude, it's your insta, not a business communication. You are under zero obligation to respond.

what-i-dont-know · 2021-08-27T21:48:40+00:00

Is your Instagram public or private? If it’s private you add who you want. You don’t have to worry about random men looking at your photos.

But I only add men I’m officially dating. I don’t like having random men following me.

imarriedmybookshelf · 2021-08-28T10:39:48+00:00

Idk if its considered strategy or just the way i am but i am super lowkey on social media. All my accounts are on private and i have a username on ig. I also keep my posts below 10 there and post every like...5 months or so so people dont get sick of me i suppose. I also dont add captions or comments or anything they could possibly allude to as my interests or emotions. No crypticness no emotions. Also i filter out those asking for follow requests. If its people i dont know i dont accept.

nolongerhume · 2021-08-28T19:19:28+00:00

It seems weird because it is. They want access to you and your life without actually interacting with you. Socializing takes skill, effort and mutual participation. Social media allows people to skirt those requirements.

If it's not integral to your job and how you make a living, I really recommend deleting any social media that you can't participate anonymously in (reason why my reddit and twitter don't have any personal identifiers). At the very least, make them private and don't add distant scrotes who you don't communicate with on a regular basis outside of social media. If you wouldn't intentionally share your pictures and stories with them through text or in person, then why let them have access to it?

If they ask for your info/handle in person just say, "I don't have -- whatever social media account--" even if it's a lie. If it were a more delicate situation (such as at work) I would tell them to write their username for me and say "I would look them up". Then throw it away forever. Or just be straight up and honest with them. Whichever way deters them the fastest, use your judgement.

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purasangria · 2021-08-27T21:06:20+00:00

[permanently deleted]

MrAndMrsCremgroblin · 2021-08-28T14:12:28+00:00

What’s your age?

I’m 21 and I feel like adding people on social media is the norm even for just acquaintances- your number is more for closer people.

I feel like you should add men on social media- it’s a good way to judge their relationship status on who’s liking/commenting, and you can see what type of accounts they’re following.

honeybeeroll · 2021-08-28T21:42:32+00:00

I personally do not let random men I've only met like once follow me, cuz it's obvious they're only doing it cuz they think I'm hot. These straight up orbiters and lurkers gross me out. It even grosses me out when my friends have orbiters. These guys aren't interested in dating you. They're following you cuz they think you're hot, cuz maybe they want to get an ego boost/have a little fun flirting w/ you over DM eventually, or maybe cuz they'll see if you're DTF at some point. Granted they're following many women for these reasons.

It makes sense when dating to take a bit to add each other on social media. The best scenario is to get access to his immediately w/o giving access to yours lol. Or create a 2nd account where you have like 3 posts and no selfies, and then provide him access to your real account only when you're very sure about him.

PinkBlair99 · 2021-08-30T10:47:22+00:00

I’m not interested in men who have social media. (But I’m 42, YMMV.)

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