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Boyfriend becoming less generous after several months?

April 17, 2022
87 upvotes

After a few months dating and then a few months officially in a relationship, my boyfriend has started to ask to split the bill - a few times in the past month. At first I was taken aback that he asked; then I was taken aback by how often he asked - in the past month, about half the time he paid, and half the time he asked me to split, and 1 time I paid the dinner bill because I invited him to a spontaneous dinner and felt I should pay since he hadn't planned for it. Previously it was not like I never paid - I would pay for small bills as a token of appreciation, like ice cream after dinner or coffee after lunch (side note: I believe it was The Rules that said paying for little things is fine). I chose to do so, I was happy to and it felt right, and he was appreciative. Haven't had any small bills lately.

I know he makes more than me, a moderate income, but I don't know how much exactly as he has not told me. I also know his income is significantly increasing soon due to a large raise and another income source. The timing of this with starting to ask to split the bill feels weird to me. He knows roughly how much I make (not much, I'm working on it).

Having spent some time with him and his friends, I've realize that the married and unmarried couples he is friends with split things 50/50 (as far as dinner bills go at least). It could be that he assumes the natural progression of a relationship means going 50/50. This is his first relationship.

He is so far the kindest, most attentive and considerate man I've dated. He seems to genuinely like and respect the women in his life (me, friends, coworkers). He's often giving little gifts/surprises to make me happy. He's always trying to spend more time with me. My friends like him and I like his friends. We have similar values overall. Everything was going really well but I am feeling unsure and resentful about this. I feel like...his generosity was not real? Or maybe he thinks he doesn't have to treat me anymore because he knows I'm invested now? We've been intimate but I haven't gone "all the way" yet.

I feel myself losing attraction for him. It's disappointing spending an hour or more getting all dolled up for a date, then splitting the bill like friends. He tells me I'm beautiful but I don't feel like putting in the effort to make myself beautiful anymore. He can always tell that something is off with me but he can't tell what, and I just tell him I'm tired.

Is there salvageable here or do I need to break up with him? I don't want a relationship full of resentment, I don't want a partner who eases his burden by adding to mine. Sorry this is so long, I just had a lot to get out.

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Post Information
Title Boyfriend becoming less generous after several months?
Author fogplum
Upvotes 87
Comments 13
Date April 17, 2022 12:07 AM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/boyfriend-becoming-less-generous-after-several.1112371
https://theredarchive.com/post/1112371
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/u5arwt/boyfriend_becoming_less_generous_after_several/
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